The 4 ‘Love Archetypes’ That Influence Partner Choice (part 1 of 2)

Personality is composed of two basic types of traits: those an individual acquires through experience, traits of character; and those with biological underpinnings, traits of temperament. Traits of temperament are heritable, relatively stable across the life course and linked to specific genes, hormones and/or neurotransmitter systems. Indeed, some 50% of who we are stems from our biology. So Helen Fisher culled from the academic literature those personality traits currently linked with any physiological foundations.

Only four neural systems are regularly associated with a constellation of personality traits. Variations in the dopamine system have been linked with novelty, experience and adventure seeking, susceptibility to boredom, impulsivity, energy and enthusiasm. People expressive of certain genes in the dopamine system tend to lack introspection; they look out, not in. These men and women are also often intellectually curious, mentally flexible and creative. So Helen Fisher called this style of thinking and behaving ‘curious/energetic’ and dubbed them “Explorers”. 

The suite of traits associated with specific activities and genes in the serotonin system include sociability, caution (harm avoidance), less anxiety and more close friends. Elevated activity in the serotonin systems is also linked with observing social norms, following the rules, respecting authority, orderliness, adherence to plans, methods and habits, self-control, precision, interest in details, conscientiousness, figural and numeric creativity, and religiosity. So Helen Fisher called this trait constellation the ‘cautious/social norm compliant’ and dubbed them “Builders”.

Prenatal endogenous testosterone priming is linked with enhanced visual-spatial perception and a keen understanding of ‘rule-based systems’, from mechanics to computers, maths, engineering or music. Those expressive of testosterone regularly exhibit acute attention to details and have deep but narrow interests. They also tend to be less socially aware, with poorer emotion recognition, less eye contact, less verbal fluency, reduced empathy and extreme sensitivity to rank.

Yet those expressive of testosterone are often self-confident, forthright, assertive and emotionally contained, although they also experience more emotional flooding, particularly rage. Helen Fisher designated this trait constellation the ‘analytical/tough-minded’ temperament dimension and dubbed those particularly expressive of this trait constellation “Directors”.

Prenatal endogenous estrogen priming is associated with contextual, holistic and long-term thinking, as well as linguistic skills, agreeableness, co-operation, theory of mind (intuition), empathy and nurturing. Traits associated with estrogen activities also include generosity and trust, the drive to make social attachments, heightened memory for emotional experiences, keen imagination and mental flexibility.

Oxytocin, closely related to estrogen, is also associated with several prosocial traits, including trust, reading emotions in others and theory of mind. So Helen Fisher designated this trait constellation the ‘prosocial/empathetic’ temperament dimension and dubbed those predominantly expressive of this suite of trait “Negotiators”. 

Helen Fisher found that men and women who were primarily novelty-seeking, energetic, curious and creative were statistically significantly more drawn to those who shared these traits, while those who were primarily conventional, cautious and rule following were also drawn to individuals like themselves. But those who were more analytical, tough minded, direct and decisive were disproportionately attracted to their opposite, those who were imaginative, intuitive, compassionate and socially skilled; and vice versa.

In short, Explorers preferentially sought Explorers, Builders sought other Builders, and Directors and Negotiators were drawn to one another.

Why does similarity attract in some cases while opposites attract in others? Perhaps these human appetites are primordial reproductive mechanisms that evolved to insure the survival of the young. Take a partnership between a Director and a Negotiator

These are very different styles of thinking and behaving, yet the Director and Negotiator have important things in common. Foremost, their thinking meshes. Both dislike wasting time on irrelevant or superficial conversations, and both like to discuss abstract concepts and generate theories. Yet the Negotiator sees the big picture, while the Director is likely to focus on smaller pieces of the puzzle; so both can impress.

They are also likely to make decisions well together. The Negotiator will see all the angles, while the Director will be decisive. Moreover, the Director needs the Negotiator’s empathy, verbal acuity and people skills, while the Negotiator can marvel at the Director’s candor, their goal-oriented focus and their gift of knowing their own mind.

Problems can emerge, however. Directors strive for efficiency and logic, a trait that can disappoint the expressive, tenderhearted Negotiator. Directors don’t like redundancy either; they are not likely to say ‘I love you’ regularly or respond to other loving rituals the Negotiator needs to feel connected. Moreover, Directors admire self-control, so if the Negotiator becomes a drama queen (or king), the Director may retreat into hostile silence.

The Director can also become impatient with the Negotiator’s intuitive side, regarding it as airy nonsense. Meanwhile, the Negotiator may find the Director’s insistence on tough-minded logic irritating, particularly if it tramples on someone’s feelings. But when the Director and Negotiator pool their complementary traits, they are likely to be an effective team for raising young.

If Directors and Negotiators are pooling different resources to rear their young, Builders appear to capitalize on many shared strengths. Builders tend to be calm, precise, managerial and social; both like building community ties. And because Builders are modest, civic-minded and often popular, two Builders can create a wide, stable, social network.

Nor are these men and women impulsive with their money, actions or feelings; security is important to both. Moreover, Builders are traditional. Duty, loyalty, patience, persistence and service are their strong suits, so both are likely to be devoted to domestic stability, overlooking their differences to make the marriage last. But Builders can be moralistic: both are likely to believe there is a ‘right’ thing to do and a ‘right’ way of doing it. And both can be critical. So Builders are likely to bicker over trivial matters, such as how to do the dishes.

And Builders refuse to compromise their standards: both can be stubborn. Moreover, Builders are the least sexual of the four broad styles of thinking and behaving. So sex – and the emotional closeness it often brings – can take a back seat to their individual schedules. Nevertheless, with two Builders, humanity has evolved another stable strategy for parenting.