Dymphna Lanjuran's Key Ideas from Things No One Taught Us About Love
by Vex King

King argues that self-love is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Self-love means accepting our flaws, celebrating our strengths, and prioritizing our mental and emotional well-being.

Without it, insecurities and fear often dictate our actions, leading to unhealthy patterns.

• Key Tip : Develop self-love through small acts of kindness toward yourself - whether it’s setting aside time for self-care, journaling about your strengths, or replacing self-critical thoughts with positive affirmations.

Unprocessed emotions and traumas can block our ability to love fully. It is important to address these wounds through self-awareness, forgiveness, and personal growth.

Unresolved trauma often manifests in our relationships, causing patterns of sabotage or dependence. King explains how healing these wounds is essential for healthy love.

• Key Tip : Begin by identifying recurring triggers in your relationships.
• Use mindfulness and journaling to process painful memories, and consider therapy if needed to support your healing journey.

Boundaries are important in relationships for mutual respect and balance.

King emphasizes that boundaries protect both partners by fostering mutual respect and ensuring individual needs are met.

Boundaries are not about building walls but about creating clarity.

• Key Tip : Clearly communicate your needs and expectations in relationships.
• For example, let others know what behaviors make you feel safe and respected.
• Remember, saying "no" when necessary is an act of love for yourself.

Relationships are not without challenges, and emotional resilience helps us navigate them without losing our sense of self.

• Key Tip : Practice mindfulness to reduce overreactions to conflicts.
• When disagreements arise, pause and take a few deep breaths before responding. This allows you to address issues calmly and constructively.

King redefines vulnerability as a strength that deepens intimacy and trust. Without it, relationships often remain superficial.

• Key Tip : Share your authentic self with others, even if it feels uncomfortable.
• Start with small acts of vulnerability, like expressing your feelings honestly, and gradually build trust over time.

Long-term relationships evolve, and King reminds us that both partners will grow and change over time. True love requires flexibility and effort to adapt to these changes.

• Key Tip : Keep the connection alive by intentionally growing together. This could include learning something new as a couple, revisiting shared goals, or openly discussing how your needs have evolved.

Love is not limited to romantic relationships; it includes acts of kindness, compassion, and connection with the wider world. This universal love is deeply fulfilling and transformative.

• Key Tip : Perform random acts of kindness and express gratitude regularly. For example, write a thank-you note to a friend or volunteer in your community. These actions nurture a sense of connection and belonging.

King provides practical advice for fostering love in all areas of life.

Key Tips :

• Mindfulness: Stay present in your relationships by listening fully when others speak.
• Gratitude Exercises: Reflect daily on what you appreciate about your relationships.
• Communication Techniques: Use "I" statements instead of "you" accusations during conflicts (e.g., "I feel hurt" vs. "You made me upset").
• Affirmations: Repeat statements like "I am worthy of love" to reprogram limiting beliefs.

"Things No One Taught Us About Love" serves as a guide to understanding, practicing, and sharing love.

Love is not a singular event. Love is an ongoing practice of self-awareness, healing, and connection.

Love is a journey requiring effort, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow.

When we prioritize self-love and approach relationships with authenticity, we create space for love to flourish in all its forms.

Rigid expectations can lead to disappointment in relationships. It's best to let go of those expectations to experience authentic, unconditional love. Instead of trying to change someone, understand and accept them for who they are.

• Example : Appreciate your partner's unique ways of showing love, even if they're different from yours. This can bring you closer together.
• Practical Tip : Next time you feel disappointed, ask yourself: "Is this worth addressing or just a mismatch of expectations?"

Remember, letting go of expectations can strengthen love ❤️

Love can only thrive when we accept others as they are and focus on the present moment.

Though acceptance isn't about tolerating harmful behavior, it does mean appreciating someone for who they are and their personal growth journey.

• Example : If your friend or partner is an introvert, respect their boundaries and don't push them to attend large gatherings that make them uncomfortable. Instead, spend quality one-on-one time with them.
• Practical Tip : During conversations, practice active listening with loved ones. Avoid interrupting or judging and instead focus on their words with understanding.

Letting go of expectations and embracing acceptance are essential for fostering authentic, meaningful relationships.

By appreciating someone for who they are and focusing on the present moment, we create space for love to flourish naturally.

This approach deepens our connections and allows us to experience relationships with greater joy, understanding and harmony.

True love is rooted in freedom, acceptance, and mutual respect, backed with mindfulness practice to stay in the present moment, be grateful for each other and be committed to grow together.

Love is an act of being and doing.