The Laws of Human Nature

We think of ourselves as rational creatures that consciously make decisions and act out in a rational way. We forget that most of our behaviour is caused by our emotions and that even our thinking is never truly rational. However, rationality can be cultivated through practice.

1. Recognise the biases: These include confirmation bias, conviction bias, appearance bias, the group bias, the blame bias and superiority bias.
2. Beware the enflaming factors: Our emotions rise up when our trigger points are activated. These could be trauma from early childhood, sudden gains or losses, rising pressure, certain individuals or the group effect.
3. Bring out your rational self: Know yourself. Examine your emotions to their roots. Increase your reaction time. Accept people as facts. Find the optimal balance of thinking and emotions. Love the rational.

We are all narcissists, some more (deep narcissists) or less (functional narcissists) than others. We are naturally self-absorped and mostly sensitive to ourselves. Our self-esteem is developed during childhood. We also naturally possess empathy that can be further cultivated in order to feel other people’s emotions and to understand why they act the way they do. By turning our self-absorption and self-love outwards, we can build better relationships and recognise toxic people.

1. Be honest about your own nature and don't deny it.
2. Recognise deep narcissists: They never take responsibility for their actions and quickly become angry or defensive when criticised (e.g. narcissistic leaders, complete control narcissists, theatrical narcissists).
3. Functional narcissists can turn their narcissism outwards and focus on work or building relationships.
4. Become a healthy narcissist by building empathy: Never categorise people or think you know them. Observe and analyse their emotions. Get to know them well by collecting lots of information about them. Practice and ask for feedback.

We are all playing a role and wearing a mask. We like to present ourselves in a good way, that makes us seem confident, kind and likable. We like to conceal our negative traits, emotions and intentions. Personality comes from Latin “persona” which means masks. Wearing a mask protects us. Never be blinded by other people’s appearances and try to see through their masks to see their true self.

1. Observe other people closely and decode the cues: Often our true self slips through and we can see it in sudden nonverbal cues. They can be identified as like/dislike, dominance/submission and deception. Tap here for more on this.
2. Master the art of impression management and make yourself seem authentic: Master your nonverbal cues. Display the proper emotions. Adapt to your audience. Create the proper first impression. Project saintly qualities.

Our character is developed in our childhood, through our experiences, habits and our attachment style. It is deeply ingrained and stamped within us. It is the reason why we behave the way we do and why we repeat our behaviour (even though we know that we shouldn't do it) and why we fall into negative patterns. We never do something just ones. Figure out the strength of someone’s character and recognise toxic types. Break free from your own negative patterns by altering your character.

1. Understand your own character and how it has been formed: With this awareness you can recognise your negative patterns and channel your toxic traits into something positive.
2. Read the character of the people you deal with: Look at their patterns to determine their character. Look at how they handle adversity, deal with other people, their patience and their ability to learn.
3. Recognise the toxic types: The hyperperfectionist, the relentless rebel, the personaliser, the drama magnet, the big talker, the sexualiser, the pampered prince/princess, the pleaser and the easy moraliser.

We are deeply affected by the absence and presence of something. Too much presence of something suffocates us while absence spurs our interest as it leaves room for imagination. We generally desire what we can’t or don’t have, which is considered as the grass-is-always-greener-syndrome. The closer we get, the more we see that it is actually not that green. Show people what they lack and they will grave it. You can use this for your own advantage to gain power. 

1. Strategies for stimulating desire: Know how and when to withdraw. Create rivalries of desire. Use induction (something creates the contrast in our mind). Do something unconventional or advanced.
2. The supreme desire: Be content with what you have and channel your desire for something better into yourself and your work. By improving and getting to know yourself, you will achieve far more as by chasing something made up by your mind.

We are impressed by the things in the present moment that we tend to forget why they happened or what consequences they will have. This is why we overly react to present circumstances and grave instant gratification. With the passage of time and by increasing the distance to the present, we gain more information and see things more clearly. Time reveals reality. By increasing and widening your vision, you gain clarity to reach your goals.

1. Signs of shortsightedness: Unintended consequences happen, we lost sight of our goal and fight for something else, we become impatient and grave more information right know and we are lost in trivia.
2. The farsighted human: Build a positive relationship with time. Create distance between you and the problem. Detach from the heat of the present moment. Don’t take the first answer that comes to your mind, dig deeper instead. Look in the future.

In this competitive world we must look after ourselves first. We all think of ourselves as autonomous, intelligent and good people: “I am acting out of my own free will. I am intelligent in my own way. I am basically good and decent”. We hate being criticised, proven wrong in our self-opinion and doing something for someone else against our will, which all make us defensive. Confirm people’s beliefs about themselves and make it seem like they do something for themselves and they will follow you.

1. Become a master persuader: Become a deep listener. Infect people with the proper mood. Confirm their self-opinion (even negative ones) and the three qualities mentioned above. Allay their insecurities. Use people’s resistance and stubbornness. Use their emotions, language and rigidity.
2. The flexible mind: Keep the flexibility of your mind from youth with the reasoning powers of an adult. Break your rules and restrictions for a while. Never see your opinions as facts and play around with them instead. Realise that you are not as autonomous, intelligent and good as you think you are.

Our attitude determines how we see and interpret the world around us. As a result, we act in a way according to our attitude and sabotage ourselves with it. By having negative thoughts of the people around us, they sense our energy and turn away from us. By thinking negative about our circumstances, we avoid taking risks and therefore might miss opportunities.

We see the world differently than anyone else, we have our own perception of reality. Our attitude is developed through our genes, our earliest experiences and attachment styles.

1. Become aware of your own attitude and how it influences your circumstances. Believe that by changing it, you ultimately change your reality.
2. Recognise constricted (negative) attitudes: The hostile attitude, the anxious attitude, the avoidant attitude, the depressive attitude and the resentful attitude.
3. The expansive (positive) attitude: View the world as something to explore. View adversity as learning opportunities. Don’t place limits on yourself. Think of yourself as energetic and healthy and act accordingly. See people as facts and don’t take anything they do personally.

We all have a shadow self within us that includes all of our negative feelings and traits. We conceal, repress and hide it by covering it up with a carefully crafted mask. Our shadow is mostly unconscious but by making it conscious we can channel its energy into something positive. By integrating our shadow, we can become more complete and authentic.

1. The energy of the shadow can be released through contradictory behaviour, emotional outbursts, vehement denial, “accidental” behaviour, overidealisation or projection.
2. See through the types of people’s masks: The tough guy, the saint, the passive-aggressive charmer, the fanatic, the rigid rationalist, the snob, the extreme entrepreneur.
3. The integrated human: See, embrace, explore and show the shadow.

We are constantly comparing and measuring ourselves with others. Some may channel this into a motivating force while others develop deep envy. It is most common in friendships. Notice any sign of envy and draw attention away from yourself to protect yourself. Build self-esteem so that you don’t have to compare yourself.

1. Signs of envy: Microexpressions, poisonous praise, backbiting, push and pull.
2. Types of envy people: The leveller, the self-entitled slacker, the status fiend, the attacher and the insecure master.
3. Envy triggers: Sudden change in status, natural gifts and talents, successful and famous women.
4. Move beyond envy: Move closer to what you envy. Engage in downward comparisons. Practice “Mitfreude” (= being happy for someone). Transmute envy into emulation. Admire human greatness.

We all have a high opinion of ourselves and when this opinion is being confirmed, we feel grandiose. We forget the role luck or other people might have played in our success and tie it solely to ourselves. On the other hand, we think failure is caused by anything else but ourselves. We lose touch with reality. It is important to check yourself regularly and tie any accomplishment to your work, your contribution to society etc.

1. Illusions of grandiose leaders: “I am destined, I am a common man/woman, I deliver you, I rewrite the rules, I have the golden touch, I am invulnerable.”
2. Fantastical grandiosity: It is a result of our fantasies.
3. Practical grandiosity: It is based on reality and can be achieved by coming to terms with our grandiose needs, concentrating our energy, maintaining a dialogue with reality, seeking out calibrate challenges and letting loose our grandiose energy.

We all have masculine and feminine qualities in us. Their quantity is determined by our genetics, the society we grew up in and our parent of the opposite sex. We repress the masculine or feminine part within us that society doesn’t want to see and by doing so we lose important qualities. By reconnecting to the lost and repressed part within you, you will become more flexible in your thinking and a more complete human.

1. When in love, the other side within us comes out and takes control. C. G. Jung refers to this as animus (the “inner” male for the female) and anima (the “inner” female for the male).
2. Types of gender projection: The devilish romantic, the elusive woman of perfection, the lovable rebel, the fallen woman, the superior man, the woman to worship him.
3. The original man/woman: There are masculine and feminine styles of thinking, self-assessment & learning and relating to people & leadership. Figure out which style you naturally embrace in each of these categories and try to embrace the other style more.

Because we don’t have instincts, we have to consciously make decisions and take control of our lives. However, most of them are directed by society or by our emotions which is why we often end up where we don’t want to be. We are rather aimless and often end up being depressed. By discovering your purpose in life, you will be able to deal with adversity better and you will instantly know, which direction and path to take.

1. Strategies to develop a high sense of purpose: Discover your calling in life. Use resistance and negative spurs. Absorb purposeful energy. Create a ladder of descending goals and lose yourself in the work.
2. The lure of false purposes: The pursue of pleasure, causes and cults, money and success, attention and cynicism.

When in a group, we are often a very different person as if we were on our own. We conform to the morals of the group and think, behave, feel and act like the rest of the group. We lose our individuality and are more prone to taking risks. By being aware of the effects a group has on us, we can embrace our individuality better and think more rationally.

1. The individual effect: We have a desire to fit in and a need to perform. We experience emotional contagion and hypercertainty.
2. Group dynamics: Group culture, group rules & codes, group court, group enemy and group factions.
3. Observe how you behave in each group you belong to and how they operate.
4. Types of court and its courtiers: The stirrer, the gatekeeper, the shadow enabler, the court jester, the mirrorer, the favourite and the punching bag.
5. The reality group: It has a collective sense of purpose, the right lieutenants, a free flow of information & ideas, good emotions and is battle-tested.

People always feel ambivalent towards their leader, our feelings are never pure or simple. We want freedom and being lead, we love and hate our leader. Getting people to follow you freely takes time and practice. Appear powerful, legitimate and fair.

Observe the phenomen of authority, develop some of the habits and strategies yourself and see authority as a good thing.

1. Strategies for establishing authority: Find your authority style (authenticity). Focus outwardly (attitude). Cultivate the third eye (vision). Lead from the front (tone). Stir conflicting emotions (aura). Never appear to take but always to give (taboo). Rejuvenate your authority (adaptability).
2. Cultivate your inner authority/your higher self: Have a responsibility to contribute to the culture and times you live in. Cultivate what is unique about you. Focus and prioritise. Adhere to the highest standards in your work.

Behind their mask, people are dealing with frustration and aggression. We repress these unwanted feelings because we think of ourselves as peaceful and good. However, we want to control and manipulate people and can come off as passive-aggressive. Beware the dangerous types and watch out for the signs. Channel your own inner aggressive energy towards something positive for instance your work.

The source of our aggression lies in our feeling of helplessness. Because of that, we want to take control over everything.

1. Chronic aggression: They are extremely obsessed with something and try to control it as best as they can.
2. Strategies of passive aggressors: Showing subtle superiority (e.g. being purposely late), craving sympathy (e.g. always being the victim), making you dependent, insinuating doubt, shifting blame and being a passive tyrant (e.g. as long as people do what they want they are nice).
3. Controlled aggression: The aggression is channelled into work, where one patiently works towards their goals. It can be cultivated through the qualities ambition, persistence, fearlessness and anger as motivation.

We are born into a generation that has a huge influence on us. Every generation wants to separate itself from the previous one with new ideas and worldviews. During our childhood, we internalise these beliefs and in our adult years we close ourselves off to new ideas from the next generation. We are often not aware of the profound effect our generation has on us. We think that nothing really changes from one day to another but looking back a few years, we see that actually a lot changed.

1. Generational patterns: The 1st generation revolutionarily break with the past. The 2nd generation wants order and stabilisation. The 3rd generation is pragmatic, wants to solve problems and live comfortably. The 4th generation is unhappy with society’s lost vitality and questions everything. The cycle repeats.
2. Exploiting the spirit of the times: Adapt the past to the present spirit. Resurrect the spirit of childhood. Create the new social configuration. Subvert the spirit. Keep adapting.
3. Beyond time and death: Understand the phases of life, present and past generations and the future.

We repress the fact that we will all die one day and that death is inevitable. We don’t like thinking of death not only because of fear but also because of awkwardness. By thinking about death regularly (and in a healthy way) we will find more purpose in our life and more urgency to realise our goals.

1. The paradoxical death effect: People that experienced death closely are often more alive and awake than ever before.
2. A philosophy of life through death: Make the awareness visceral. Awaken to the shortness of life. See the mortality in everyone. Embrace all pain and adversity. Open your mind to the Sublime.