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Sorry to bother you, but do you say “sorry” too much? What to say instead

https://ideas.ted.com/sorry-to-bother-you-but-do-you-say-sorry-too-much-what-to-say-instead/

ideas.ted.com

Sorry to bother you, but do you say “sorry” too much? What to say instead
When we needlessly apologize, we make ourselves small and diminish what we’re trying to express, says sociologist Maja Jovanovic.

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Overusing "I'm Sorry"

Overusing "I'm Sorry"

According to psychologists, we habitually apologize in our communication, but we can learn to be considerate without saying the word "sorry".

We don’t have to needlessly apologize for everything we do. Overusing the word "sorry" makes us feel timid, unconsciously diminishing our confidence.

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Alternatives To Saying Sorry

  • We can eliminate 'Sorry' from our vocabulary when we bump into someone, and replace it with ‘Go ahead’, ‘Pardon me’ or ‘After you’, for example.
  • During meetings, we can use phrases like ‘I have an Idea’ or ‘I would like to add…’.

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Say Thank You Not Sorry

Gratitude is the best way to end the sorry pandemic, and we can always thank the other person(s) for whatever small inconvenience there was (like waiting).

We can also cultivate a habit of pointing out to the other person if a sorry isn’t required.

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A Long, Hard Look in the Mirror

Apologies bring us face-to-face with the fact that we have something to apologize for, triggering a sense of guilt and shame. 

Saying sorry puts one’s shameful beha...

The Chance to Move Forward

When people focus on their core values, they seem to become more willing to sincerely apologize. 

By understanding the many barriers to an apology— the indifference to another’s pain or the fraying of a relationship—we can glimpse what’s holding us back from saying “I’m sorry” in a particular situation. 

From there, we have the opportunity to change course and let the healing begin.

How to Make a Good Apology

A high-quality apology has three elements:

  1. It accepts responsibility for the wrong and doesn’t even hint that outside forces, or the victim, caused the offender to do what they did.
  2. It’s unqualified. If the apology contains a “but,” it fails. There’s time later—after the injury has had time to heal—to bring up any qualifications that might be relevant to future interactions.
  3. It offers to make amends to avoid the transgression in the future.

Improve Any Relationship

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Cautionary Hope

Cautionary Hope

Research shows that during disasters, altruism and kindness happen more than greed and selfishness. To tide over the current crisis requires optimism along with caution.

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People With High Hopes

People with high hope have a good number of difficult, challenging goals, and a good scorecard of achievement.

They have lower rates of anxiety and depression and greater happiness. They cope well with problems that consume the rest of the world.

Hope = Goals + Agency + Pathways

Instead of wishful thinking, we need to know what we want (specific goals), and have the drive and passion to go towards it (agency) and should be able to generate methods and devices to achieve what we want (pathways).

When we do a sum total of these three, we get hope: Hope= Goals + Agency + Pathways

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