How to Develop a Good Parent and Child Relationship

While your children need to know that you acknowledge and respect their individuality, it also counts when you uplift the family as a unit. Make family time a regular and special part of your routine.

• Eat meals together most nights of the week, and have everyone share their peaks and pits (i.e. best and worst moments) of the day. Go to sporting events, movies, or community gatherings together.

Spending time together as a unit is essential. You should also set aside time to focus on each individual child. Prioritizing one-on-one time helps you form a connection with each child. Plus, it also helps you focus on each child’s individual strengths and talents.

• Find a shared hobby to engage in with each of your children. Maybe you will teach one kid how to fish on weekends. Or, work with another on perfecting a piano performance. Free up part of your weekly schedule to build a special relationship with each child

Direct communication is essential to effective conflict resolution. Each party should use “I” statements to clearly state your needs, wants, and concerns.

• Remember, you are aiming to de-escalate the conflict and work towards a solution. Using “I” statements allows everyone to express themselves while showing respect for others listening. Making an “I” statements allows each person to take ownership of what they are feeling, and suggest a remedy for the problem at the same time.
• Examples of “I” statements include: “I am worried that our family is falling apart. I would like us to work things out.” or “I get scared when Dad drinks a lot because he starts yelling. I wish he could stop drinking”.

Parents who have good relationships with their children are involved in their lives. You can’t expect to have a strong bond with your children if you simply say “good morning” and “good night” each day.

• It’s understandable that you’re busy juggling work and other responsibilities, but you should also make an effort to get to know your kids and learn about what’s happening in their lives.
• If you have some free time, offer to volunteer at school, coach a softball game, or meet with your children’s teachers regularly to stay updated on their academic performance.
• Sit down with them as they do homework. Help them practice their lines for the school play. Invite your kids’ friends over so you know what kind of influences they are around

Let your kids know that things don’t always have to be so serious between you. Of course, you want them to respect your authority, but you also want to laugh with them. A sense of fun can liven up their lives and build fond memories.

• Make crazy faces or noises to supplement mealtimes or playtime with smaller children. Act silly with adolescents by pulling pranks or telling jokes.

When disagreements occur, people tend to bring up any and every unresolved issue they have ever encountered with the other parties. This impedes conflict resolution and blurs the point of the discussion.

• Strive to uncover what is important about the current problem. Building a case or bringing up old misdeeds will not assist you in resolving this issue.

If you cannot resolve the problem on your own, consult with a family therapist who can offer you practical advice about managing your family’s problem.

To reach an agreement during the family conflict, listening is imperative. Only by actively listening to each party can you understand what he is trying to communicate. Active listening involves cuing in on the other person’s tone and body language, allowing him to speak without interruptions or remarks, and paraphrasing what was said afterward to ensure you understood correctly.

• Effective listening allows the other person to feel heard, motivates the other parties to want to listen to you, defuses arguments and strong emotions, and rebuilds the relationship during the conflict.

Validation pertains to showing another that you recognize, value, and accept his thoughts, opinions, or beliefs.[2] Of course, your own opinions may differ greatly, but using validation demonstrates that you see the other as a human, worthy of integrity and respect.[3]

• Validate your family members by saying something like “I’m really glad you felt comfortable enough to share this with me” or “I appreciate your willingness to work towards a solution”.

Once everyone has shared their needs, wants, and concerns, then strive for a compromise. Consider all the suggestions that each party has provided and look for a middle ground. Everyone present should feel good about the proposed solution. If necessary, develop a contract or written agreement outlining how you will manage the problem.