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The Best Way to Ask for Help (And Actually Get It)

Tips For Asking For Help

  • Don't frame your request.
  • Don't imply that you're above the other person.
  • Don't make your request too specific.
  • Say what you can't do, so the other can tell you what they think is the best course.
  • Show respect by acknowledging the capabilities of others.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

The Best Way to Ask for Help (And Actually Get It)

The Best Way to Ask for Help (And Actually Get It)

https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/the-best-way-to-ask-for-help-and-actually-get-it.html

inc.com

2

Key Ideas

Tips For Asking For Help

  • Don't frame your request.
  • Don't imply that you're above the other person.
  • Don't make your request too specific.
  • Say what you can't do, so the other can tell you what they think is the best course.
  • Show respect by acknowledging the capabilities of others.

How To Ask For Help

When we ask for help, we tend to unconsciously add unnecessary details that enhance our image, justify or even state a request instead. When asking for help, take the bass out of your voice, the stiffness out of your spine, and the captain out of your industry and just say, with sincerity and humility: "Can you help me?"

Few people, especially face-to-face, will ever say "no," even a stranger. 

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Tips To Better Ask For Help
Tips To Better Ask For Help
  1. Demonstrate that you've tried to help yourself. Briefly explain what you've tried independently so they know you've tried to solve your problem for yourself before.
  2. Demonstra...
Pick One Person to Ask

It’s best to ask one person instead of a group. Pick someone who you think can help you the most, or at least send individual requests to several people at once instead of dropping a li...

Make It Clear You Want Help

... be specific about what you want.

Don't use phrases like “Can you do me a favor? ", because they are manipulative - they force someone to commit before you tell them what it is you need. A simple “Can you help me with [specific thing]?” will do.

Give a Timeframe and an Escape

When you ask for help, give the person some kind of timeframe or soft deadline. Phrases like “whenever you can” put more pressure on the person who is already doing you a favor. 

It’s also nice to offer them a way out if you know they’re busy. It ensures your request for help doesn’t feel like a demand. 

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Tell a story

Dry information and stats don’t inspire people to make a change or listen to you.

We don't usually remember facts, figures or statistics. Storytelling is how you make your advice ...

Chunk it down

Chunk your advice down into simple steps that your audience can follow. 

Aim for three steps or three takeaways if it’s possible in the context of your advice.

Have a good structure

Be logical with your advice and structure it in a way that makes sense. Be sure to have an introduction, a body and a conclusion that highlights the takeaways.

This makes your advice easier to follow and more likely to be retained.

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Asking For Help
Asking For Help

Not wanting to seem weak, needy, and incompetent or like we’re taking advantage often keeps us from asking for help, but that’s often an overblown fear caused by our tendency to think the worst....

Seeking Help Is Strength

By taking an active step in seeking help or advice, you’re actually taking control of your life, and not letting external circumstances (such as what people think) affect how you behave and perform. It is courageous to accept your weaknesses.

What Not To Do When Asking For Help
What Not To Do When Asking For Help
  • Instruct people.
  • Tell or imply that they should help our debt they don’t have a choice about it.
  • Using unnecessary prefaces makes people feel trapped.
  • Profusely apologi...
Reinforce A Request For Help
  • In-group: Assuring that you’re on the helper’s team and the team’s importance taps into our need to belong to and perpetuate supportive social circles. 
  • Positive identity: Creating or enhancing their recognition that they are uniquely placed to provide assistance and that they aren’t just “people who can help” but routinely helpful people. 
  • Effectiveness: People want to know the impact of the aid they will give. Knowing one’s actions have an effect is a fundamental human motivation. 
Research Results On Helpfulness
  • Studies indicate that people are willing to help more often than we expect.
  • Studies suggest that we underestimate how much effort those who do agree to help will put in.
  • Those who help others get to feel better with themselves than those who don’t.

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A raise
... is a recognition that you’re now contributing at a higher level than when your salary was last set. 

A raise isn’t a favor or a gift; it’s a way for employers to pay fair market valu...

It’s normal to ask

It’s not greedy or entitled to ask for a raise.  Unless you work somewhere truly dysfunctional, it’s understood that you work for money. This is okay.

  • you’re not asking for an amount that’s wildly out of sync with the market for your work, and 
  • you have a track record of strong work.
Be emotionally intelligent about your timing

You shouldn’t ask to talk about your salary when your manager is especially harried or having a bad day or nervous about impending budget cuts. 

On the other hand, if you’ve just saved the day with an important client or garnered rave reviews for a high-profile project, or if your boss has seemed particularly pleased with you lately, now might be a particularly good time to make the request.

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Take on more responsibility
Command the tasks and responsibilities in your current role, then start solving the problems that your soon-to-be self would be working on.
The only way to eff...
Proactively communicate wins

Consistently exceed expectations in terms of your current role and job responsibilities. Take on more than expected, and manage these projects as well as your more senior colleagues.

Share your accomplishments early and often.

Demonstrate your accomplishments
  • Demonstrate that you have taken on additional responsibilities and provide specific details about your accomplishments. 
  • Share examples of projects you have completed and how they’ve positively impacted the business. Was there an increase in revenue? Did you save a customer? 
  • If you’ve received positive feedback from colleagues or other leaders regarding your work, be prepared to share that with your manager as well. 
  • Identify ways you’ve earned money for the company, for example through sales, upsells or creating efficiencies.

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Different Outcomes
Different Outcomes

We're all different. If we are all on the same weight-loss diet, there will be various outcomes. Some people will lose a lot, some will lose a little, and a few will even gain weight.

Science...

Genetics And Nutrition

Scientists are continually finding links between genetics and nutrition. Many of us have a gene called FTO that makes us more likely to be overweight. You can get a genetic test to tell which variant of the FTO gene you happen to have.

However, scientists who study the genetics of nutrition think it’s premature to base nutritional advice on your DNA. That FTO gene, for example, has only been shown to make a few pounds’ difference in body weight.

Nutritional Genetic Testing

The coded messages of your DNA are billions of letters (nucleotides) long. Personalized nutrition companies only care about a few of your DNA letters and can tell you which "variant" you have at each of those locations (known as SNPs) along your DNA strands.

Genetic testing companies can learn what SNP variants you have by supplying them with a vial of spit.

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Reinforcing People’s Helpfulness
Reinforcing People’s Helpfulness
  • Strong sense of in-group: the belief that the person in need is on your team makes us more helpful to them as we care about what happens to the in-group. 
  • Opportunity to...
2 types of gratitude expression
  • Other-praising: involves acknowledging and validating the character or abilities of the giver;
  • Self-benefit: which describes how the receiver is better off for having been given help. 

The former makes people feel better with themselves and that you are more grateful when compared to the latter.

Reminding People That They Owe You One

If you have to remind someone that they owe you one, chances are they don’t feel as if they do. Reminding them that they owe you a favor both makes the other person feel as if you’re trying to control them and it makes the other person feel as if you’re keeping a scorecard, and that’s fundamentally bad for relationships.

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The right time to ask
  • How is the financial health of the company? If the company is not doing well, this is not the time to ask for a raise. 
  • How is your manager’s workload? If your manag...
Get salary trends

Every job has a market value. 

  • Compare what you’re currently being paid to the trends you find.

  • Consider your education, years of experience, years you’ve worked for your current employer and any specialized skills or attributes you bring to the table. 

  • Make a list of your accomplishments, taking note of which ones added the most value to the organization

  • Identify a salary range or percentage increase in pay that you’d be happy with. 

Set a meeting

Meet in person and in private. 

You should approach asking for a raise with the same level of seriousness you would have for a job interview or an important presentation, and you should dress accordingly. 

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