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How to Develop Your Charisma and Become More Likable

Presence As A Charisma Tool

Presence As A Charisma Tool

Presence is necessary for charisma and it’s all about being truly engaged with others and showing them that they have your complete attention. Without presence, you can come across as just wanting to show off.

Shut down your ego, and pay attention to and focus on every word that others say. 

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

How to Develop Your Charisma and Become More Likable

How to Develop Your Charisma and Become More Likable

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-develop-your-charisma-and-become-more-likable-1673988208

lifehacker.com

7

Key Ideas

Learning To Be Charismatic

Charisma is about what you say and do as opposed to who you really are as a person. Your subconscious, social cues, physical expression, and the way you treat others all play a part in developing your charisma.

Developing charisma is a process that involves looking carefully at yourself and fine-tuning your communication. 

Presence As A Charisma Tool

Presence is necessary for charisma and it’s all about being truly engaged with others and showing them that they have your complete attention. Without presence, you can come across as just wanting to show off.

Shut down your ego, and pay attention to and focus on every word that others say. 

Develop A Sense Of Confidence

People like confident individuals, even if their other qualities are less attractive. Developing confidence is a balancing act as you don't want to be arrogant, but you also don't want to come across as timid or scared.

Exercising regularly, dressing in clothes that make you feel good, and talking about the things you understand well can help you build and maintain confidence.

The Basics Of Conversation

Control the flow of conversation and make others feel comfortable:

  • Think of things you would and wouldn’t like to talk about and use that as an initial guide.
  • Be nice, as opposed to trying to sound brilliant.
  • Tell stories.
  • Ask questions.
  • Know how to get people on the same level.
  • Use humor as a tool. Keep jokes you are unsure of to yourself.
  • Remember that the way something said is more important than what is said. 

Practice Effective Eye Contact

Proper eye contact can express that you're invested, listening and accepting of the other, while looking down or constantly shifting your gaze shows lack of interest and focus. Too much or too little eye contact can be off-putting, experiment to find the right amount.

Be Expressive With Your Body

  • Don’t stand stiff. It makes you look less interesting.
  • Smile to seem more approachable and likable.
  • People enjoy being around those who are expressive and use appropriately responsive gestures.
  • Nodding shows that you're listening, but nodding too much gives the impression you’re faking interest.
  • If you lose awareness of your mannerisms, stop and assess what your body is doing to become more self-aware and then adjust accordingly.

Practice Mirroring

Match the other person's physical mannerisms and energy level, and you'll notice how well they'll respond to it. You don't need to agree with what they say or do, the mirroring itself can increase your likability.

You can also mirror the qualities that you find likable in others. You don't need to copy them, but learn their secrets, try them on and adapt them until they fit you.

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Be a Professional Cheerleader

Charismatic people offer encouragement instead of skeptically listening to people’s goals and ideas. Find ways to encourage people while still holding them accountable:

Charismatic People Bring People Together

Charismatic people have lots of connections and share them regularly. Highly charismatic people are not only great at meeting new people, but also sharing their talent with their connections by introducing people who they know will get along well.

This quality is part of the reason charismatic people are such sought after connections; they spread their social wealth.

Likability is Key To Your Own Charisma

Likable leaders earn the trust of their team members and treat them well, and that makes the team’s performance better.

Teams with likable leaders tend to be more stable long-term because of lower turnover rates and are also better with changes since they are more likely to have employees committing to adopting to new ways.

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Charisma is a skill

Charisma, defined as that irresistible magnetism some people possess, is often thought of as trait you’re born with (you either have it or you don’t).

But the truth is that charisma is a s...

Charismatic behaviors

There are 3 keys to being charismatic: 

  • you need to be present in the moment when engaging with others.
  • you need to give off warmth by implying goodwill toward others.
  • you need to appear powerful by coming across as someone capable of affecting the world around you.
Being memorable

... by making a graceful exit. Offer the other person something of value before you go:

  • Information: an article, book, or web site you think might be of use to them.
  • A connection: someone they ought to meet, whom you know and can introduce them to.
  • Visibility: an organization you belong to, where you could invite them to speak.
  • Recognition: an award you think they should be nominated for
Tips for being more likeable in social situations
Tips for being more likeable in social situations
  • Don't overshare your whole life's story. 
  • Actually listen to what people say. Then respond accordingly.

  • Remember people's name...

Be A Good listener

You can’t remember everything, but at least remember people’s names. Repeating their names during the conversation is a good memory reinforcement. Also, listen with interest, pay attentio...

Tell Great Stories

Keep yourself informed and speak with conviction. Use words like “I am sure” vs. tentative words like “I think, I hope and I feel.” Use humor, even if it is self-deprecating.

Don’t: Confuse humor with bad joke telling. And don’t overdo on the self-deprecation to the point you push yourself out of the conversation that it takes away from who you are.

Use Body Language

Be open, approachable, gracious and graceful. Walk up to someone, smile, make eye contact, shake hands. Introduce yourself by saying your name.

Don’t: Overdo it. When you smile, be authentic. If your smile is not in your eyes, people will know you're faking it.

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Confidence
Confidence

To be a stronger leader, you need to practice self-confidence. If you’re always second-guessing yourself and feeling shy around your coworkers, they won’t follow you.

Conf...

Creativity

Charismatic leaders think outside the box and aren’t afraid to push the limits.

While others may see this kind of push as risky, these leaders are the ones leading the way and driving innovation. When a problem arises, leaders don’t see only the difficulties. Instead, they rise to the challenge and see it as an opportunity. In business, this creativity can lead to powerful change and transformation, which can inspire and motivate others.

Vision

"Leadership requires two things: a vision of the world that does not yet exist and the ability to communicate it.” - Simon Sinek 

Because leaders value innovation, they are focused on the future and how they can improve it. They have a dream and direction that motivates and inspires others. 

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Ask a Lot Of Questions

People who ask lots of questions are rated more likable than their conversation partners than people who ask fewer questions. Follow-up questions (ones related to something you've jus...

Nod Attentively While Others Speak

People who nod while others speak were rated more likeable, attractive, and approachable than those who shook their head or stayed still.

Nodding three times in quick succession after people stop talking has been found to encourage people to keep talking.

Know When To Be Personal

Revealing something highly intimate, especially something negative, early on in a relationship, suggests that you're insecure and can decrease your likability. Discussing favorite hobbies and your happy childhood memories and gradually opening up is a better approach.

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Connect with people emotionally

If you want to intrigue and influence people, you have to get their dopamine pumping.

A great way to do that is by having excellent conversation starters handy:What was the...

Be emotionally curious

Become genuinely interested in other people. A great way to do this is to ask them open-ended questions.

Everyone wants to be liked, loved and accepted. When you fulfill that need for others, you are perceived as being influential.

Use high-powered body language

When you manifest powerful body language, you are seen as more influential. 

The head is held high, the arms are loose, the shoulders are set back and the chest is out. Confident body language not only affects the way others see you but also the way you see yourself. 

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The power of charisma
Charismatics can make us feel charmed and great about ourselves. They can inspire us to excel. They hypnotize us.

But they can also be dangerous. They can use charisma for their own purp...

Defining charisma

The German sociologist from the early 20th-century Max Weber wrote charisma is a quality that sets an individual “apart from ordinary men,” and causes others to treat him as “endowed with supernatural, superhuman, or at least specifically exceptional powers or qualities.”

Charismatic techniques can be taught

Charismatic Leadership Tactics range from the use of metaphors and storytelling to nonverbal methods of communication like open posture and animated, representative gestures at key moments.

The more charismatic leadership tactics used, the more individuals will be seen as leader-like by others.

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Addicted to charisma

A leader who employs too much charisma can come to rely on this ability as an end unto itself.  Charismatic leaders can charm themselves. 

Authentic leaders understand (...

Becoming addicted to a charismatic leader

An overly-charismatic leader draws focus from the rest of the organization by demanding all the attention. When the focus shifts to the personal characteristics of the leader, accountability is diminished.

The followers can become overly dependent on the leader for all manner of large and small directions and decisions. The enterprise loses the ability to be resilient in the face of changing realities. 

To avoid organizational dependency

... leaders must ask themselves:

  • Do I spend my time empowering others to make decisions, or does my involvement force people to look to me for answers?
  • How often do I dive into details that belong to others?
  • How do my actions and attention help – or prevent – others from taking greater responsibility and accountability for their actions?

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Listen to bass-heavy music

Bass-heavy music can actually trick your mind into feeling more confident.

One study revealed job-interview candidates who listened to bass-heavy rap music ended up exhibiting more con...

Groom yourself

Making yourself more pleasing to your own eyes can make you feel more confident.

When you need some extra confidence, head to a mirror and apply some makeup, fix your hair and otherwise tidy up your appearance a bit.

Take a "power posture"

Our posture can have a significant effect on our internal dialogue.

A "power posture" pose, held for several seconds to several minutes, can increase your confidence in almost any situation.

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