The Basics Of Conversation

The Basics Of Conversation

Control the flow of conversation and make others feel comfortable:

  • Think of things you would and wouldn’t like to talk about and use that as an initial guide.
  • Be nice, as opposed to trying to sound brilliant.
  • Tell stories.
  • Ask questions.
  • Know how to get people on the same level.
  • Use humor as a tool. Keep jokes you are unsure of to yourself.
  • Remember that the way something said is more important than what is said. 
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Communication

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Learning To Be Charismatic

Charisma is about what you say and do as opposed to who you really are as a person. Your subconscious, social cues, physical expression, and the way you treat others all play a part in developing your charisma.

Developing charisma is a process that involves looking carefully at yourself and fine-tuning your communication. 

Presence As A Charisma Tool

Presence is necessary for charisma and it’s all about being truly engaged with others and showing them that they have your complete attention. Without presence, you can come across as just wanting to show off.

Shut down your ego, and pay attention to and focus on every word that others say. 

Develop A Sense Of Confidence

People like confident individuals, even if their other qualities are less attractive. Developing confidence is a balancing act as you don't want to be arrogant, but you also don't want to come across as timid or scared.

Exercising regularly, dressing in clothes that make you feel good, and talking about the things you understand well can help you build and maintain confidence.

Practice Effective Eye Contact

Proper eye contact can express that you're invested, listening and accepting of the other, while looking down or constantly shifting your gaze shows lack of interest and focus. Too much or too little eye contact can be off-putting, experiment to find the right amount.

  • Don’t stand stiff. It makes you look less interesting.
  • Smile to seem more approachable and likable.
  • People enjoy being around those who are expressive and use appropriately responsive gestures.
  • Nodding shows that you're listening, but nodding too much gives the impression you’re faking interest.
  • If you lose awareness of your mannerisms, stop and assess what your body is doing to become more self-aware and then adjust accordingly.
Practice Mirroring

Match the other person's physical mannerisms and energy level, and you'll notice how well they'll respond to it. You don't need to agree with what they say or do, the mirroring itself can increase your likability.

You can also mirror the qualities that you find likable in others. You don't need to copy them, but learn their secrets, try them on and adapt them until they fit you.

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RELATED IDEAS

Charisma is a skill

Charisma, defined as that irresistible magnetism some people possess, is often thought of as trait you’re born with (you either have it or you don’t).

But the truth is that charisma is a skill you can learn.

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IDEAS

Be a Professional Cheerleader

Charismatic people offer encouragement instead of skeptically listening to people’s goals and ideas. Find ways to encourage people while still holding them accountable:

  • Reward good work.
  • Assign credit where credit is due.
  • Give genuine compliments.

Being a great conversationalist should normally mean speaking more right? Wrong! One has to maintain a 2:1 ratio of listening versus speaking, while we communicate.

Asking lots of follow up questions or examples, which makes the other person dig deeper, makes for a great conversation, and the person automatically feels that the listener is a great conversationalist and gets attracted on a subconscious level.

Essentially, one is deemed a great conversationalist and therefore charismatic, just by listening actively.

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