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How To Instantly Charm Someone You've Never Met Before

The Right Kind Of Humour

If you know some jokes or have a knack for being funny, go for it, but keep it as clean and broadly acceptable as possible to generate charisma. Nothing turns off the charm faster than inappropriate humour.

Witty humor is the safest but it may require some practice. Throwing clever, witty, short comments into conversation will lighten serious tones, endear your listeners and make you sound clever.

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How To Instantly Charm Someone You've Never Met Before

How To Instantly Charm Someone You've Never Met Before

https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2015/03/how-to-instantly-charm-someone-youve-never-met-before/

lifehacker.com.au

12

Key Ideas

Be Yourself And Be Ready For Rejection

Having charm is not about deceiving others. Keep strong negative feelings to yourself, do your best to reveal who you are and if you disagree with something, do so nicely.

No matter how charming you are, there is no guarantee a conversation will lead into a relationship, but being charming at least keeps you in a positive light. 

Be Swift and Sweet

Keep the conversation moving at a comfortable but somewhat brisk pace. Don’t cut the conversation short if things are going well, but also avoid hitting uncomfortable lulls. So when the pace starts to die down, it's time to make an exit.

On your way out make sure that the other remembers you. 

A Simple Touch Can Go A Long Way

Touch is a physical way of indicating acceptance and if properly timed it can be very charming

There's nothing wrong with a handshake when you introduce yourself, but beyond that, don't abuse touch. Stick to safe zones like the outside of the arm and upper back, and when in doubt, just stick to those handshakes.

The Right Kind Of Humour

If you know some jokes or have a knack for being funny, go for it, but keep it as clean and broadly acceptable as possible to generate charisma. Nothing turns off the charm faster than inappropriate humour.

Witty humor is the safest but it may require some practice. Throwing clever, witty, short comments into conversation will lighten serious tones, endear your listeners and make you sound clever.

Mind Your Manners And Be Kind

  • Acting polite during a conversation, puts you ahead in the game. 
  • Actively listen to them talk and don't interrupt them while they're speaking. 
  • If they ask you questions, answer politely, appropriately and honestly, but don't talk too much about yourself.
  • Be humble and don't try to inflate reality.
  • Make open-ended questions.
  • Gossip makes you look bad. 
  • Flattery can do a lot for your charm, but you want to keep it believable. 

Make Them Feel Like You "Get" Them

People want to be understood and accepted, so you want to be empathetic to them and their experiences as best as you can. Finding commonalities is key to developing emotional connections:

  • Don’t over-share or ask questions that are too personal.
  • Ask them how they feel about things or what they care about in life.
  • Drop the facades and show vulnerability.
  • Show humility, and try to be agreeable without going against your own beliefs.

Look For "Latch" Words

They are words that fit your own interests that you can use to generate more conversation with. If you like to travel and someone starts to talk about going on vacation, you can latch on to "vacation" and use it to segue into stories or questions.

Charm, Don't Manipulate

Manipulation is tricking someone into liking you, while charm is just portraying yourself in the best light possible so others can relate and appreciate you. The former is frowned upon, and the latter is a basic social skill.

Approach With a Confident Smile

The smile is important because it subconsciously implies that you’re not a threat and makes you look like you're confident and enjoying yourself. People like to be around others enjoying themselves because they will feel more comfortable showing joy.

The wrong kind of smile, however, can be worse than no smile. So keep it friendly and genuine and do it often.

Politely Introduce Yourself With a Question

Be extra polite and start with a question. Questions are a great way to get to know someone, but they're also your most effective tool when it comes to being charming.

People like to talk about themselves and to know that others are interested in them. The question can be anything easy to answer that isn't too personal.

Commit Their Name To Memory And Use It

People like when their names are remembered. To do so more easily:
  • Repeat the name throughout your conversation. You're more likely to remember it if you say it yourself.
  • End your conversation with their name in the same way as you started to ensure it sticks with you.
  • Remeber how nice it is when someone you've just met calls you by your name.

Introduce Them To Someone

Introducing someone you just met to someone else makes you look good and like you know a lot of people, especially if you say they are your friend. It can also help you remember their name.

For bonus charm points, introduce them to a "patsy", or someone that will make you look more charming due to their presence. 

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Find common ground

After having introduced yourself, you should find something in common that connects you right away. 

It opens the door to more conversation--and keeping words up is key when you f...

Move on to deeper topics
Although focusing on shallow topics to start--such as the weather or sports or your favorite new film--makes breaking the ice easier, your goal should be to move on to deeper topics as you gain familiarity with the other person.
It takes one joke

... an anecdote, or a well-timed story in order to show other people that you understand them. 

Perhaps it's a connection about a mutual friend at work or a common breakfast spot you shared growing up. It's the one spark that ends up transforming the interaction from being acquaintance-like to a true friendship.

Likeability is a quick judgment

We make judgments about someone’s likeability, trustworthiness and competence after seeing their face for less than a tenth of a second.

Making snap judgments might determine who we vote for....

Put on a happy face

A happier face conveys trustworthiness. People will consider a smiling face as more trustworthy, warmer and sociable.

Not all is lost if your first impression has not been as good as you hoped. If you can impress someone afterwards, they will often not remember their first impression of you.

Direct your charm

Charm is defined as your likability - how pleasant it is to interact with you.

And it is possible to train yourself to be charming.

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The biggest challenge to moving forward on anything

... is the transition to working on it. It almost always represents a shift from doing something comfortable to doing something uncomfortable.

We tend to think that getting tracti...

3 steps to transitioning

  • Start with willpower. Willpower in a moment is much more reliable than willpower over long stretches of time (In some cases you just need to force yourself through a moment to get to the other side).
  • Commit to repetition. Even if your mind starts protesting, ignore it and keep going.
  • Benefit from adaptability. The mental and physical challenges will be so diminished, that you'll no longer experienced the transition as pain.

Get good at moving from comfort to discomfort

  1. Identify something important to you that you want to move ahead with.
  2. Identify the transition point to working on it. Examples of transition points are: Pick up the phone and dial (for a conversation); ask a question and then stop talking (for receiving feedback).
  3. Make the decision — set a time and place where you will get started (transition).
  4. Prime your emotional courage. Starting something hard will bring up feelings of discomfort and you will need to be prepared to feel things to move through it without stopping. 
  5. Follow through without questioning
  6. Repeat this every day.

Pre-suasion
Pre-suasion

Optimal persuasion is achieved through optimal pre-suasion: arranging for people to agree with a message before they know what's in it.

Pre-suasion is about establi...

Build unity

When it comes to persuading people, the trust often matters more than the content of your ideas, and you get people to trust you by demonstrating that you're all on the same team.

Admit mistakes

Although counterintuitive, admitting your errors upfront shows that you're human and can actually be a brilliant move.

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Become More Knowledgeable
Become More Knowledgeable
  1. When you don’t understand a topic someone is talking about, don’t try to change the subject or walk away
  2. Read a newspaper every day
  3. Listen...
Make People Feel Important

A charming person makes everyone, regardless of their status, feel important. People around them feel heard, understood, and worthy of their time.

Remember Names

It feels good to hear our own names, and when someone uses it we're more likely to pay greater attention to them.

Use mnemonic devices if you have a hard time remembering names.

Compliment With Confidence

When someone known for their charisma compliments you, it gives the impression that it is not only sincere but valuable, because of their natural confidence.

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The faulty logic

We usually consider moving into marriage in an attempt to preserve and prolong the happy romantic feelings that characterize the early stages of almost all relationships.
But in most cases, ther...

Unrealistic expectations

The gap between expectation and reality is the cause for many of life’s disappointments.
We like to create detailed fantasies of how our lives are going to be. But when we expect our reality to match a fantasy but life turns out nothing like it, we feel disappointed.

Asking the right questions

"Are you the right person for me?" is the wrong question to ask, because nothing outside of ourselves can fix us or bring us happiness.
A more constructive question to ask would be "Can I accommodate your imperfections with humor and grace?"

Keep the Same Schedule

To give your day structure, keep the same routine as when you went into an office. Get up at the same time and make a to-do list. Check in with the same person every morning.

Your s...

Set Boundaries

Pick a place for your office away from distraction.
Boundaries also apply to other people who may be sharing the same space. Children can work alongside you as if they were coming to the office.

Schedule Breaks

You won't have the same cues as you do from your workplace to remind you to get up or get lunch. When you lose the pace of your day, everything can start to blend together.

Treat your exercise, meals and stretch breaks as you would any other meeting. Put it on your calendar, at least to start.

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First impressions

In less than one-tenth of a second of seeing someone for the first time, our brain processes information about the person’s face—which leads to quick conclusions about a new acquaintance’s quali...

Know your context

It’s important to first consider where you are trying to make a good impression—whether it’s a formal job interview or a dinner date. 

Context matters. It gives you cues as to how you should dress, speak, look and behave, in a way that matches the setting you are entering to. That is a key aspects of making a good impression. 

Adjust your attitude

Try not to look bored, rude or hostile.

A useful attitude is welcoming, curious and enthusiastic: smile, make eye contact long enough to notice the color of that person’s eyes, sit without crossing your arms or legs. This project a positive, open warm impression.

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The Brain as a Snowy Hill

The snowy hill represents the brain, the people sledding are like the memories, and the trails left behind are the synapses in the brain.

Think of the brain as a hill covered in snow, ...

Memory Palace/The Method of Loci
A method to enhance memory using visualizations with the use of spatial memory.
  1. Choose a place that you know really well.
  2. Plan the route and pick specific locations in your route.
  3. Decide what you want to memorize
  4. Place an object or two, with a mental image, and place them in your memory palace. Exaggerate your images. For example, use nudity or crazy images forcing it to stick in your mind.
  5. Make the image into a mnemonic
Mnemonics

memory device that helps you retain and retrieve information simply with the use of retrieval cues to encode information in the brain.

  1. List the words you want to remember.
  2. Write the initials of each word vertically.
  3. Create a sentence/phrase using the initials.

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