Ideas from books, articles & podcasts.
Be objective when you speak about a negative event. Rather than placing blame or evaluating the problematic situation, describe it and its consequences, and suggest acceptable alternatives.
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The way you sit — slumped or sitting tall, arms open or crossed — transmits a message. Having your chest open, arms uncrossed, making sure to keep nodding, smiling, and vocalizing (saying things like “mm-hmm” and “yes”) will make people feel more connected to you.
Rather than seeing the feedback situation as “work” or a hassle, see it as an opportunity to connect with someone who has their own needs and pain. By remembering the common human experience, you’re more likely to bring kindness and compassion into the conversation.
Someone’s smile activates the smile muscles in your own face, while their frown activates your frown muscles. We can discern whether someone is smiling even if we can’t see them.
High-performing organizations deliver roughly five times as many positive statements (supportive, appreciative, encouraging) as negative ones (critical, disapproving, contradictory). That’s because our brains focus on negative feedback more than positive feedback.
Our minds often wander and we're not present in the moment, with the people in front of us.
According to research, when dealing with people who are not authentic, we often walk away feeling uncomfortable or manipulated and our blood pressure rises.
We tend to focus on giving employees critical feedback. But, by focusing on their weaknesses, we only create competence. By focusing on their strengths, we create excellence.
We are acutely aware of the voices of people we consider important, and the way we feel about another person shifts the way we speak. The tone of our voice, more than the words themselves, can give away how we feel.
Stress or anger makes us breathe quickly and shallowly, and when tired or exasperated, we are more likely to sigh. Similarly, we may feel annoyance coming from someone who sighs a lot.
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