Each of us already has this natural communication system that feeds us information all the time. So when we close down and become defensive—for a few minutes, a few days, months or even a lifetime—we’re cutting ourselves off not only from others, but also from our natural ability to communicate.
Mindful communication trains us to become aware of when we’ve stopped using our innate communication wisdom.
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Bringing awareness, or mindfulness, to the way we communicate with others has both practical and profound applications.
We can train ourselves to:
When we react to fear by shutting down the channel of communication, we’ve put up a defensive barrier that divides us from the world.
Signs you’re in the red light zone:
The state of mind that exists in between open and closed.
Signs you’re in the In-Between zone:
Signs you’re in the green light zone:
Learning how to switch out of defensiveness into a more humorous, receptive state of mind is a big deal—it is the key to happy, harmonious relationships and communities.
... when fears and misperceptions arise during the In-Between state of mind.
The reaction of shutting down is triggered by mistrust. If we can hold steady and be a little more aware of our defensiveness, we can learn from all our episodes of reactivity.
Defensive reactions backfire on us, make us feel like failures. Being honest and gentle with our own fears is what brings greater softness and appreciation for others.
A good yardstick to measure if the therapy is working is to see how communicative, comfortable, and free one is while being with the counselor.
The best therapist cannot save certain drowning relationships, so it helps to understand what kind of progress is expected, with a commitment to improving the relationship unfolding from both the partners.
Genius cannot be singled out and cultured and nurtured without support.