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The Best Way to Ask for a Favor

Make It Clear You Want Help

... be specific about what you want.

Don't use phrases like “Can you do me a favor? ", because they are manipulative - they force someone to commit before you tell them what it is you need. A simple “Can you help me with [specific thing]?” will do.

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To get through life, we all need to ask for help - here's how NOT to do it

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ideas.ted.com

Asking for help isn't just about what you say and do; it's also about what you don't say and do. In my research, I've found there are specific things you can say that can really backfire on you.

Key Ideas

"You're going to love helping me!"

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Don't try and convince someone how much they will enjoy helping you. It reeks of control and is presumptive. It drains their joy out of helping.

How they feel is for them to decide.

A small favor

One common tactic is to portray the help we need as so small, that it is barely a favor. "Would you add these updates to the database? It won’t take you more than five minutes.”

It is conveying that you think the work the other person does is easy, quick, trivial and not very taxing. That’s not a great way to enlist help. You might also underestimate the size of the favor. Do not presume it won’t take them very long the next time you ask them for help.

Scorekeeping

While reciprocity does make people more likely to comply with the request, it also makes us feel controlled, which takes all the fun out of it.

Reminding someone that they owe you a favor does not create good feelings. Scorekeeping is fundamentally bad for relationships.

one more idea

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The Right Way to Ask for Help at Work

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hbr.org

Few of us enjoy asking for help. As research in neuroscience and psychology shows, the social threats involved-the uncertainty, risk of rejection, potential for diminished status, and inherent relinquishing of autonomy-activate the same brain regions that physical pain does.

Key Ideas

What Not To Do When Asking For Help

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Instruct people.
Tell or imply that they should help our debt they don’t have a choice about it.
Using unnecessary prefaces makes people feel trapped.
Profusely apologi...

Reinforce A Request For Help

In-group: Assuring that you’re on the helper’s team and the team’s importance taps into our need to belong to and perpetuate supportive social circles.
Positive identity: Creating or enhancing their recognition that they are uniquely placed to provide assistance and that they aren’t just “people who can help” but routinely helpful people.
Effectiveness: People want to know the impact of the aid they will give. Knowing one’s actions have an effect is a fundamental human motivation.

Research Results On Helpfulness

Studies indicate that people are willing to help more often than we expect.
Studies suggest that we underestimate how much effort those who do agree to help will put in.
Those who help others get to feel better with themselves than those who don’t.

one more idea

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7 Effective Ways to Ask for Help (and Get It)

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psychologytoday.com

These simple tips will increase how receptive people are to your requests for help. They mainly apply to asking for help from people you know, but some apply to customer-service situations as well. 1. Demonstrate that you've tried to help yourself. People are more inclined to want to help those who've attempted to help themselves first.

Key Idea

Tips To Better Ask For Help

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Demonstrate that you've tried to help yourself. Briefly explain what you've tried independently so they know you've tried to solve your problem for yourself before.
Demonstra...