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9 Fears You Will Regret Never Facing

Fear of an event in another time and place

If you live your life with the regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you’ll have no “today” to be thankful for. 

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

9 Fears You Will Regret Never Facing

9 Fears You Will Regret Never Facing

http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/12/05/9-fears-you-will-regret-never-facing/

marcandangel.com

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Key Ideas

Fear of standing out

Our greatest fear is not that we are not special enough; our greatest fear is that we are too special. It is our brilliance, not our deficiencies that often frighten us most. 

Don’t sell yourself short. There is nothing helpful about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

Fear of not being good enough yet

There will never be a perfect time to pursue your dreams and goals.

You’re growing every day. You just have to find a way of living with uncertainty and learn to feel your way through life, letting your intuition guide you.

Fear life’s daily storms

Sometimes life gets so hard that you don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. But sometimes life is beautiful.

Realize that fear is the worst of it; fear is your real enemy. So get up, get out in the stormy weather of the real world, and kick fear as hard as you can.

Fear of failure

Life’s toughest struggles are intended to make you better, not bitter. Your struggles with “losing” develop your greatest strengths.

Failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up. 

Fear of losing control

You can’t control everything in your life no matter how many safeguards you put into place. 

Life is about finding a balance between what we can and cannot control. You must learn to live comfortably between effort and surrender. Realize you haven’t lost anything; you were never in control, to begin with.

Fear of an event in another time and place

If you live your life with the regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you’ll have no “today” to be thankful for. 

Fear of looking undesirable

As you grow older, what you look like on the outside becomes less and less of an issue, and who you are on the inside becomes the focal point of interest.

So no matter how plain and undesirable you may feel right now if your truth is written across your face, you are beautiful. 

Fear of what you don’t understand

Those of us who can’t handle the tension of not understanding often judge and lash out at others. We defend our circumstances by condemning people in different circumstances. 

So much depends on simply learning that feeling uncertain is not a sign that anything’s wrong with you or anyone else – it’s just a sign that we’re all human. Nobody has it all figured out.

Fear of change

Change is often resisted when it’s needed the most. 

Most of us are comfortable where we are even though the whole universe is constantly changing around us. Learning to accept this is vital to our happiness and general success in life. Because only when we change, do we grow, and begin to see a world we never knew was possible.

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Common lies we tell ourselves
  • If I had more time, I would do X.
  • If I say or do X, people will think I’m stupid.
  • If I just say or do X, then that person will finally change.
  • Everything is great/Everything sucks.
  • There’s something inherently wrong or different about me.
  • I would change, but I can’t because of X.
  • I can’t live without X.
  • I know what I’m doing.
The future workforce
The future workforce

In the future, change is the only certainty.

Workers, employers, and education providers need to be agile, flexible and prepared to adapt as technology continues to interrupt industrie...

Education vs training

Until two decades ago, the general goal of colleges was for academic pursuits and teaching individuals to become more well-rounded. The general thought was that colleges were not vocational institutions.

Now, and possibly in the future, colleges will have to focus more on training and change their curriculum to meet the demands of employers.

Alternatives 

A four-year college education remains the best choice for those who can get admitted to a selective university. But for everyone else, an alternative path might be the best way to go.

In the future, one training path will be company-sponsored apprenticeship programs to cover the skills missing between the secondary system and what employers are looking for.

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Judy Blume

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Dale Carnegie
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"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."

Eleanor Roosevelt
Eleanor Roosevelt

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

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The fear of ceasing to exist

The idea of no longer existing is more than just "fear of death". It arouses a primary existential anxiety in all normal humans.

The fear of heights or falling is basically the fear of extin...

Mutilation

This is the fear of losing any part of our bodily structure or the thought of having our body's boundaries invaded.

Anxiety about animals, such as bugs, spiders, snakes, and other creepy things arises from fear of mutilation.

Loss of Autonomy

The fear of being immobilized, restricted, overwhelmed, entrapped, smothered, or otherwise controlled by circumstances beyond our control. 

Fear of intimacy, or "fear of commitment," is basically fear of losing one's autonomy.

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Go Sooner Than Later

Most couples don't consider counseling until a real crisis or a catastrophe appears.

It is better to go to couples counseling during a specific life event, strengthening some piece of a rela...

Finding The Right Therapist

Finding a suitable therapist, right for both the partners can take time. Take into consideration:

  • Both partners are comfortable with the choice.
  • Any preferences (gender or cultural background) are taken into account.
  • It should be convenient to schedule an appointment with him, not interfering with other commitments too much.
  • At least two kinds of counselors are spoken to, and then a decision taken.
  • Check online for recommendations or ask for a referral within your friend circle.
Types of Therapies

A good therapist can utilize multiple approaches and will tailor the provided therapy based on the couple's needs. The common therapies are:

  • Gottman Method: Focused on positive communication
  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): helps couples with their emotional needs.
  • Imago Relationship Therapy: Connecting new relationships with old ones.
  • Other approaches like Hypnosis, sex therapy, etc.

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Unfinished Books

Due to unlimited distractions, shorter attention spans and increased boredom, we aren't finishing the books we start to read. Our impulsive and fickle nature is also to blame.

Add Some Variety

The mind needs variety and diverse types of stimuli at different times. Reading several books at once, of different genres is a smart way to be able to cater to the mind's different needs at different times. It is also a good idea to not have more than a few books in your current reading list. The recommended number is 3.

Let Go Of Certain Books

If reading a certain book is beginning to feel like a burden to you, you are free to let go. The reason can be any, but it is no use wasting your time in a book that isn't speaking to you.

Letting go of a book provides closure and unburdens your mind.

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Self-created struggles

See life as it is, without all the ideals and fantasies you’ve been preoccupied with.

The vast majority of our struggles are self-created, and we can choose to overcome them in an instant.

Fearing judgment from others
We fear the judgments of others, even though their judgments about us are rarely valid or significant.

Tying your self-worth to everyone else’s opinions gives you a flawed sense of reality because people judge us based on a pool of influences in their own lives that have absolutely nothing to do with us.

Past experiences
In many ways, our past experiences have conditioned us to believe that we are less capable than we are.

We need to learn from the past, but also to be ready to update what we learned based on how our circumstances have changed.

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Use of mindfulness
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Mindfulness as an effective treatment

There is clinical evidence for mindfulness-based cognitive therapy as a way to prevent depression and anxiety.

Mindfulness may be good for other psychiatric conditions including bipolar disorder.

There is also growing evidence that mindfulness is effective for chronic long-term health conditions.

Mindfulness can be overstated

Mindfulness is not a cure all. With all the hype around mindfulness it can sometimes be difficult to tell whether the information is quality-controlled and reliable. We need  to be careful not to overstate it's usefulness.

Friend-zoning

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We Don't Know Ourselves

A recent study showed that men overestimate how good-looking they are to women. Women, on the other hand, think they are less attractive to men, which is not the case.

People who think they are highly attractive may incorrectly assume that the other person is sexually interested in them.

Taking The Lead

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Rejection is normal

It's impossible to please everyone. And rejection is a way to figure out who’s compatible with whom: getting axed from a social group gives you space to find folks that are a little ...

It’s okay to feel pain

When we get rejected, our brains register an emotional chemical response so strong, it can physically hurt. 

We go through almost the same stages as if we were grieving (self-blame, trying to win back our rejecter because we hate being disliked, and feeling like a failure). These feelings are healthy and normal, so long as you don’t end up dwelling on them.

It’s not (totally) your fault

Rejection is personal, and it’s easy to start questioning your self-worth when someone makes it clear they don’t like you. 

But for the most part, being disliked is a matter of mutual compatibility. Keep in mind that likability has a lot to do with what you bring to someone else’s table, whether or not you realize it. 

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