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6 Steps To Set Good Boundaries
Communicating boundaries
The biggest part of setting boundaries is HOW clearly you communicate them.
You can have the most healthy set of boundaries on the planet but if you do not communicate them clearly, you are going to create some really confusing relationships, both for you and everyone else involved.
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Key Ideas
Name your limits
You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where your limits are.
Identify what you can permit and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.
Tune into your feelings
There are two key feelings that are red flags that you are letting go of your boundaries.
- Discomfort. Ask yourself what is causing the discomfort.
- Resentment. Resentment usually comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.
Be direct
With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue.
There are other times you might need to be frank, such as with those who have a different personality or cultural background.
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Key Ideas
Defining Boundaries
The word “boundary” can leave the impression of separation.
But boundaries are actually connecting points since they provide healthy rules for navigating relationships, intimate or profess...
The benefits of boundaries
- Boundaries improve our relationships and self-esteem. They protect relationships from becoming unsafe.
- Boundaries can be flexible. It’s good to think about them occasionally and reassess them.
- Boundaries allow us to conserve our emotional energy. Without them, self-esteem and identity can be affected, and you can build resentment toward others.
- Boundaries give us space to grow and be vulnerable.
Determine your borders
Our boundaries are shaped by
- our heritage or culture
- the region we live in or come from
- whether we’re introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between
- our life experiences
- our family dynamics
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Key Ideas
Name your feelings
Emotions like overwhelm, anger, and frustration may indicate that others are intruding on your personal time or space.
Instead of pushing the feelings away, try understanding them. It ...
Prepare your well-being disclaimer
Start conversations about boundaries with a disclaimer to set the stage for a compassionate, permissive discussion.
Share your resolution to set boundaries. Explain why it’s important to you and how you believe it will benefit you.
When others set boundaries
People who have trouble setting boundaries usually have trouble responding to boundaries set by others.
Instead of feeling dismissed, angry, or rejected when friends or lovers put limits on your interactions, respond with “I value your honesty” or “I appreciate you sharing that with me”—even if the boundary was difficult to hear.