When you want to convince your partner to do something your way, do you try to bribe them with promises of giving in to their requests later? Healthy adult relationships don’t function well when disagreements feel more like payoffs than negotiations or mediations.

Bribing or Negotiating

If a partner needs to work late, do you threaten them that they’d better be back on time, or that they’d better be telling the truth about their plans? Learning to trust your partner’s commitment can ease a relationship’s path.

Threatening or Trusting

Do you tend to hear your partner out when she’s sharing his or her perspective or do you jump in quickly to point out the problems with their views? Try listening and giving your partner space to share their opinions—it’s easier to find a compromise or the best solution when everyone has a chance to share their thoughts.

Criticizing or Listening

If you have a set way of looking at the world or doing things that are 180-degrees different from your partner’s, don’t nag them to change how they do things; respect the differences that exist and let yourself off the hook for being the “expert” in everything.

Nagging vs. Respecting

If your partner forgets to pick up groceries on the way home from work or forgets to set the alarm on a Monday morning, do you tend to insult or belittle them? Learn to accept the imperfection of others, as you expect others to accept in yourself.

Punishing or Accepting

If your partner is taking on a new challenge or trying to solve a problem or fix something that’s broken, do you complain about their success and pace or do you offer encouragement and act as a cheerleader? Improve your partner’s chance of success by giving them space and positive encouragement. You should view yourselves as a team, not as rivals.

Complaining or Encouraging

When things go wrong for your partner—on the job, with friends, or personally—do you tend to identify the faults in them that may have led to their difficulties or do you offer support and a willing ear? Tearing down your partner when the world is doing a good job of this already does no good for your relationship.

Blaming vs. Supporting

Everyone tends to "do relationships" a little differently. A "happy couple" doesn't always look the same from house to house or even relationship to relationship. What " happiness" looks like with your first love is not necessarily what you would define as "happiness" when you settle down for a long-term relationship.

Nagging vs. Respecting

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