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Seven Toxic Relationship Habits That Need to Be Broken Today
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Criticizing or Listening
Do you tend to hear your partner out when she’s sharing his or her perspective or do you jump in quickly to point out the problems with their views?
Try listening and giving your partner space to share their opinions—it’s easier to find a compromise or the best solution when everyone has a chance to share their thoughts.
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Blaming vs. Supporting
When things go wrong for your partner—on the job, with friends, or personally—do you tend to identify the faults in them that may have led to their difficulties or do you offer support and a willing ear?
Tearing down your partner when the world is doing a good job of this already does no good for your relationship.
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Complaining or Encouraging
If your partner is taking on a new challenge or trying to solve a problem or fix something that’s broken, do you complain about their success and pace or do you offer encouragement and act as a cheerleader?
Improve your partner’s chance of success by giving them space and positive encouragement. You should view yourselves as a team, not as rivals.
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Nagging vs. Respecting
If you have a set way of looking at the world or doing things that are 180-degrees different from your partner’s, don’t nag them to change how they do things; respect the differences that exist and let yourself off the hook for being the “expert” in everything.
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Threatening or Trusting
If a partner needs to work late, do you threaten them that they’d better be back on time, or that they’d better be telling the truth about their plans?
Learning to trust your partner’s commitment can ease a relationship’s path.
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Punishing or Accepting
If your partner forgets to pick up groceries on the way home from work or forgets to set the alarm on a Monday morning, do you tend to insult or belittle them?
Learn to accept the imperfection of others, as you expect others to accept in yourself.
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Bribing or Negotiating
When you want to convince your partner to do something your way, do you try to bribe them with promises of giving in to their requests later?
Healthy adult relationships don’t function well when disagreements feel more like payoffs than negotiations or mediations.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Pointless Criticism
In the context of poor communication, criticizing is when you knock someone down for the wrong reasons: to hurt someone, to vent your frustrations or to boost your ego.
It’s easy enoug...
Blaming
When you blame someone, you take any responsibility off of yourself and put it on them.
It’s understandable that you want to express your dissatisfaction with something. But sometimes you need to express it in order to find a solution, not to point singers.
Ineffective Complaining
Complaining is exhausting because it puts pressure on the other person.
Complaining often results in the other person feeling as if they should somehow “fix” the problem or else just get away from the complaining.
6
Key Ideas
Responding To Urgency
Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know&n...
Dealing Constructively With Control
Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally.
Parenting Each Other
As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available.
Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked.
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Key Ideas
Dropping “Hints”
It shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another.
State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not ne...
Holding the Relationship Hostage
For example, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me."
It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself.
Blaming Your Partner
... for your own emotions. This is a subtle form of selfishness and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs.