The Relationship Scorecard - Deepstash
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The Relationship Scorecard

The Relationship Scorecard

This is when you and your partner continue to blame each other for past mistakes made in the relationship instead of solving the current problem.

Deal with issues individually unless they are legitimately connected. 

2.66K

12.9K reads

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Covering up problems with gifts

Covering up problems with gifts

Never use gifts or fancy things to replace dealing with the underlying emotional issues. Not only does it brush the real problem under the rug, but it sets an unhealthy precedent within the relationship.

2.23K

10.5K reads

“Loving” Jealousy

“Loving” Jealousy

It's when you get angry when your partner talks, calls, texts, hangs out with another person. This often leads to you hack into your partner’s email account, look through their text messages or even follow them around town, thinking of this as a displa...

2.48K

10.3K reads

Blaming Your Partner

Blaming Your Partner

... for your own emotions. This is a subtle form of selfishness and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs. 

2.82K

11.1K reads

Holding the Relationship Hostage

For example, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me." 

It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings ca...

2.63K

10.7K reads

Dropping “Hints”

It shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. 

State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support.

2.78K

15.2K reads

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Relationship Apocalypse

The Four Horsemen of The Relationship Apocalypse:

  • Criticism: is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner.
  • Defensiveness: responding to relationship issues by counterattacking or whining.
  • Contempt: acting like you’re a b...

The Relationship Scorecard

The Relationship Scorecard

The relationship devolves into a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who is most indebted to the other.

Not only are you deflecting the current issue by focusing on previous wrongs, but you’re ginning up guilt and bitterness fro...

Negative relationship dynamics

  • The demand-withdrawal dynamic. One partner seeks change, discussion and a resolution to issues within the relationship, while the other partner is withdrawn, and tries to avoid the issues.
  • The distancer-pursuer dynamic. One person tries to achieve a certain degree of in...

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