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The 4 Most Common Relationship Problems -- And How To Fix Them - Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Relationship Apocalypse
The Four Horsemen of The Relationship Apocalypse:
- Criticism: is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner.
- Defensiveness: responding to relationship issues by counterattacking or whining.
- Contempt: acting like you’re a better person than they are.
- Stonewalling: shutting down or tuning out.
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Key Ideas
Building "Love Maps"
It means getting to know your partner really well, including his/her internal psychological world.
Ask questions, deep and personal ones. Get past“When will you be there?” or “Don’t forget to pick up milk.”
Show Admiration
Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your partner.
Masters see their partners as better than they really are. Disasters see their partners as worse than they really are.
The "Story Of Us"
The best predictor of relationship success is how you and your partner tell your “story of us.”
Do you focus on the negative aspects or on the positive ones? Do you present your partner in a good light or in a bad light?
Conversation
... is the most important part of a relationship.
How you start those serious relationship discussions predicts how the conversation goes. Start off positive and calm. And then listen.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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The Negativity Bias
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Magnified Faults
The Negativity Effect magnifies and distorts your partner's faults, whether real or imaginary.
The partner starts to wonder why isn't there any appreciation for all the good that is being done, and why the focus is only on the one bad thing.
Going Downhill
Relationships, especially long-term ones, don't get better with time but are kept intact by avoiding decline.
Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.
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Unresolved conflicts
The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.
Being honest
The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the person you love.
It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feel-good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.
Being willing to end it
Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture.
Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.
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Chemistry and the different personality types
It very often happens that we fall in love, while feeling uncontrollably attracted to, with individuals who end up breaking our hearts. Anthropologists found four personality types, as follows:
...The lows and highs of chemistry
Feeling chemistry with someone can lead not only to successful relationships, but also to major traumatic experiences. Not being able to put your needs first, while accepting their drawbacks, only because you are immensely attracted to that person, can actually break your spirit.
Choosing right your partner
According to dating experts, what makes the difference between a successful and an unsuccessful relationship is the trust, intimacy and, most especially, the willingness of each partner to meet the other one's needs. Therefore, next time you feel attracted to someone, try to also observe their reactions whenever you express your feelings or needs. This will be a major indicator of the success of your relationship.
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