Ideas from books, articles & podcasts.
You often wait for the “right thing” to say (and thus speak way less than you normally do).
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You avoid saying no to others. You fear they will become upset or think you’re a bad person, so you usually say yes, even if it adds more stress to your life.
You try to fit in to groups by pretending to be interested in things you are not, or exaggerating about your experiences, wealth, or achievements. All submission to peer pressure is approval seeking.
You’re often afraid that others are secretly angry or critical of you, even though they seem to like you when you’re together. This can lead to a constant background unease that you may have “done something wrong” that someone is upset about.
You’re afraid of the judgments of others (which can lead to nervousness, hesitation, over-thinking, and social anxiety).
During an interaction, you experience self-consciousness and doubt about how you are coming across. You imagine you should be someone “better” than you are. Afterwards, you replay the interaction in your mind and find all the things you did wrong, ways you may have upset the other person, and thi...
You feel pressure to have something great to share, such as a funny or highly engaging story about an adventure you’ve had.
You have a strong habit of putting others’ needs ahead of your own, thinking it is selfish to do otherwise.
You demonstrate submissive body language, such as looking away frequently or keeping your eyes down.
You smile, nod, and are very agreeable with others (regardless of your actual opinions on the subject).
You’re quick to apologize out of habit, even for minor transgressions, like starting to speak at the same time as someone else.
You have difficulty ending things, from conversations to friendships to romantic relationships. As a result, you may drag things out longer than you really want to.
You’re quick to laugh at whatever another person says, even if it’s not that funny. Your laugh might come too quickly, too often, or at inappropriate times.
You avoid disagreeing with others, challenging others, or stating alternative perspectives.
You rarely state what you want directly. Instead, you may suggest or imply something and hope the other person detects it. You often question your desires and think they might be either too much or not worth asking for.
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