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Want a Fulfilling Relationship? Science Says the Happiest Couples Have These 13 Characteristics
Having friends that stay married
Research shows you're 75 percent more likely to get divorced if a friend or a close relative has already done the deed.
Attending to the health of one's friends' marriages might serve to support and enhance the durability of one's own relationship.
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Arguing over text
Couples who argue over text; apologize over text; and/or attempt to make decisions over text, are less happy in their relationships.
When it comes to the big stuff, don't let an emoji take the place of your actual face.
Not having kids
This isn't to say you can't be happy if you have kids--it's just to understand that it's normal to not feel happy sometimes.
Many couples put pressure on themselves to feel perfectly fulfilled once they have a long-term partnership with children, but the reality of kids is that they're very stressful on relationships.
Fighting at the beginning
A few researchers believe couples should have rough beginnings where they work things out and then look forward to a long and happy incline in the state of the relationship.
The short-term discomfort of an angry but honest conversation is healthy for the relationship over the long haul.
Chores at home
When you know what to do and what's expected of you, you tend to be happier both yourself and with your spouse.
The 'better looking'
Research shows that when husbands view their wives as the more attractive of the pair, not only are they more satisfied in the relationship, but the wives are, too.
The opposite is not true--when husbands think they are better-looking, they aren't as happy.
Being best friends
People who consider their spouse to be their best friend are almost twice as satisfied in their marriages as other people.
Their friends overlap
Couples with overlapping social networks tend to be less likely to break up--especially when that closeness included "social dispersion," or the introduction of one person's sphere to the other, and vice versa.
Spend money in similar ways
Big spenders tend to attract thrifty people, and vice versa. Researchers found that both married and unmarried people tend to select their "money opposite"--and that this causes strife in the relationship.
The happiest couples tend to spend money in a similar way, whether that is saving or indulging
Celebrate each other's achievements
When couples celebrate their partner's accomplishments as if they were their own, they're more satisfied in the relationship.
There's nothing quite so satisfying as having your partner be loudly and enthusiastically in your corner when you do well.
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Doing everything to make your life seems perfect may make you a target for resentment.
People who inspire the most trust are those who show warmth and competence. While we may be competent, warmth may be lacking. To ensure you don't inspire envy, screw up a little. It will make you seem more approachable. Embarrassing yourself makes you a lot more human.
The Little Things
Just asking people, "Is this a good time to talk?" increases compliance with requests.
Show that you care by doing little things, even if they're ridiculous.
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Generally, humor is a great ice-breaker and social lubricant, but if there are stressful situations in a relationship, humor actually increases the chances of a break-up or divorce.
Laughing With Your Partner
An intimate relationship requires opening up with your partner and being vulnerable, something that may feel uncomfortable to some people. Relationship satisfaction is affected if:
- Couples like to laugh at others.
- Partners like if someone laughs at one of them, or if the other partner makes fun of them.
- Partners dislike if the other makes fun of them.
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Couples living apart
In 2000, a government survey showed that about 2.7 million married Americans lived apart from their spouse. The number rose to about 3.9 million in 2017.
Long-distance relationship...
The evolution of romantic communication
- Before video-chat and long-distance phone calls, written correspondence was used to exchange meaningful information. The goal was to write about the most important things that had happened since the last letter.
- Although the telephone was invented in the mid-19th century, it was only used for long-distance relationships in the 1970s, when the cost of phoning for pleasure instead of just business became affordable.
- The next major development in romantic communication was the internet. Email, instant messaging, and video-chatting were affordable for couples to share even the smallest details.
- Many couples today do "background Skype" where everyday living comes to the surface and add to a level of intimacy.
The pressure to live apart
In the past, couples were more likely to accommodate only one partner's job - mostly the man's. But today, couples have dual-incomes, are well educated, professionally minded, and pursuing careers in separate places. It is contributing to the rise in long-distance relationships.
The pressure to live apart for work is worse for younger couples who are still establishing careers.
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