<blockquote><blockquote></blockquote></blockquote>When people focus on their core values, they seem to become more willing to sincerely apologize. By understanding the many barriers to an apology— the indifference to another’s pain or the fraying of a relationship—we can glimpse what’s holding us back from saying “I’m sorry” in a particular situation. From there, we have the opportunity to change course and let the healing begin.

The Chance to Move Forward

Apologies bring us face-to-face with the fact that we have something to apologize for, triggering a sense of guilt and shame. Saying sorry puts one’s shameful behavior out there. That’s why transgressors often view an apology as threatening to their self-image and consequently hesitate to offer one.

A Long, Hard Look in the Mirror

A high-quality apology has three elements:
<ol><li>It accepts responsibility for the wrong and doesn’t even hint that outside forces, or the victim, caused the offender to do what they did.</li><li>It’s unqualified. If the apology contains a “but,” it fails. There’s time later—after the injury has had time to heal—to bring up any qualifications that might be relevant to future interactions.</li><li>It offers to make amends to avoid the transgression in the future.</li></ol>

How to Make a Good Apology

Apologies are the Brussels sprouts of relationships. Research says they're good for us, and, like a dinner of the green stuff after a lunch of burger and fries, they can erase or at least mitigate the ill effects of a transgression.