If your partner is codependent, be patient with them.
Interdependence is usually a process of breaking with previous experiences (of being let down) and expectations (of being unfulfilled) in relationships.
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Codependency in relationships means being overly preoccupied with your partner to the point of losing your own sense of who you are and what you need.
Partners in an interdependent or secure relationship put the relationship first. Not their partner.
The key to making your relationship more interdependent is to take stock of your life. Find purpose and meaning outside of your relationship.
Not only will it make you happier and better as a person, but it may also improve intimacy and passion in your relationship.
It’s healthy to have regular time with your friends without your partner. A little time apart also creates mystique and plays into that tried but true adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
A weekly check-in of pure honesty (i.e. this is where I am at, this is what I feel, and this is what actually bothers me) is a great way to keep lines of communication open and cultivate an interdependent relationship.
One way to make your relationship more equal and interdependent is to make sure there is a healthy communication channel between the two of you.
Good communication rules to keep in mind include actively listening while the other is speaking, no interrupting, and listening first without making any judgements.
You must have a conversation with your partner if both of you are engaging in codependent behaviors.
You will need a little self-awareness on your part to realize if it is a lack of trust in your partner, yourself, or a combination of both. Deeper conversations should reassure you or your partner that your relationship is going to be OK.
Sometimes turning a codependent relationship into a more interdependent one isn't as easy. For some, deeper issues can be the reason behind why they feel like they can't do or be anything without their partner.
Therapy can be a helpful tool in working through the origin of codependency issues and addressing issues of attachment.
Allowing your partner room and opportunity to do these same things will be the key to establishing a healthy, interdependent relationship.
Getting in touch with deep-rooted feelings of hurt, loss, and anger will allow you to reconstruct appropriate relationship dynamics. You will know you are on track when:
It's good to be honest about what you need or want from your partner after you open up.
Let them know that you do not need to be fixed. The purpose is to connect.