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7 Ways To Make Your Relationship Less Codependent & More Interdependent

A Codependent Partner

If your partner is codependent, be patient with them. 

Interdependence is usually a process of breaking with previous experiences (of being let down) and expectations (of being unfulfilled) in relationships.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

7 Ways To Make Your Relationship Less Codependent & More Interdependent

7 Ways To Make Your Relationship Less Codependent & More Interdependent

https://www.bustle.com/p/how-to-make-your-relationship-more-interdependent-less-codependent-12613202

bustle.com

8

Key Ideas

Codependent vs Interdependent

Codependency in relationships means being overly preoccupied with your partner to the point of losing your own sense of who you are and what you need. 

Partners in an interdependent or secure relationship put the relationship first. Not their partner.

Keep Working On Yourself

The key to making your relationship more interdependent is to take stock of your life. Find purpose and meaning outside of your relationship. 

Not only will it make you happier and better as a person, but it may also improve intimacy and passion in your relationship.

Have Regular "Friend Dates"

Counting on your partner to be your person for everything can put a ton of pressure on them. 

It’s healthy to have regular time with your friends without your partner. A little time apart also creates mystique and plays into that tried but true adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Have Weekly Check-Ins

A weekly check-in of pure honesty (i.e. this is where I am at, this is what I feel, and this is what actually bothers me) is a great way to keep lines of communication open and cultivate an interdependent relationship.

Healthy Communication Rules

One way to make your relationship more equal and interdependent is to make sure there is a healthy communication channel between the two of you. 

Good communication rules to keep in mind include actively listening while the other is speaking, no interrupting, and listening first without making any judgements. 

Be Honest About Your Fears

You must have a conversation with your partner if both of you are engaging in codependent behaviors. 

You will need a little self-awareness on your part to realize if it is a lack of trust in your partner, yourself, or a combination of both. Deeper conversations should reassure you or your partner that your relationship is going to be OK.

A Codependent Partner

If your partner is codependent, be patient with them. 

Interdependence is usually a process of breaking with previous experiences (of being let down) and expectations (of being unfulfilled) in relationships.

Get Outside Help

Sometimes turning a codependent relationship into a more interdependent one isn't as easy. For some, deeper issues can be the reason behind why they feel like they can't do or be anything without their partner. 

Therapy can be a helpful tool in working through the origin of codependency issues and addressing issues of attachment.

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Interdependence

Being dependent on another person can be unhealthy. Independence, taken to an extreme, can actually get in the way of us being able to connect emotionally with others in a meaningful way.&nbs...

Codependency

A codependent person tends to rely heavily on others for their sense of self and well-being. There is an enmeshed sense of responsibility to another person to meet their needs and/or for their partner to meet all of their needs to feel okay about who they are.

Traits of a codependent relationship
  • Poor/no boundaries
  • People-pleasing behaviors
  • Reactivity
  • Unhealthy, ineffective communication
  • Manipulation
  • Difficulty with emotional intimacy
  • Controlling behaviors
  • Blaming each other
  • Low self-esteem of one or both partners
  • No personal interests or goals outside the relationship

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Getting To The Root Of Your Reluctance

If you find it difficult to share your past experiences, ask yourself why you are reluctant to open up. Getting to the root of the reluctance is key.

Work Out Your Feelings First

Before you talk to your partner about something difficult, find the right words to express it first. Until you can verbalize it, it remains unknown to you and to your partner.

If you do not feel safe enough to talk through these issues, consider journaling, or talking with a counsellor until you are clear about how you are feeling.

Open Up In Small Steps

When you decide to open up, start by taking small steps to test the waters first.

The more you practice and see that you can do it, the easier it will get for you to open up.

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Codependency

The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such a...

Signs of Codependency

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
  • Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
  • Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
  • Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
  • Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
  • Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
The Development of Codependency

When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.

As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.

Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.

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Interdependent
The healthiest way we can interact with those close to us is by being truly interdependent.

This is where two people, both strong individuals, are involved with each other, but without sacrificing t...

A balanced relationship
  1. Assess where you are right now. If there is too much neediness or you feel that your partner is way too independent and doesn't want to be with you, rebalancing how you relate is very important. 
  2. Begin looking at how you got there. Ask each other some questions like "Did this start because of an argument?" or "Is this what you really want?" and "How can we make it better for both of us?"
  3. Talk about what you are feeling and make the necessary adjustments so that both of you can feel better.
Conflict mistaken for passion

Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.

People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intens...

Keeping the peace

Ignoring problems in a relationship in order to avoid conflict will only mean that the problems pile up until they can no longer be ignored – and by then, it might be too hard to fix.

Keeping score

Keeping track of the things that you do, versus the things that they do is a way to create pressure and conflict where there should only be teamwork. 

Sit down together and work out a plan on things like chores or bills, and who does or pays what.

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Feeling Safe

A relationship based on compatibility can make you feel safe and content. Relying on that feeling can become a problem if you become too dependant on your partner.

Not needing to feel vulnerable

When you're in love, you should be comfortable to reveal your good and not-so-great emotions.

Your Relationship Is "Nice"

If you can only describe your relationship as nice, but it lacks the spark of attraction, it may be difficult to be happy in the long-term. 

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A toxic relationship

Is any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there is competition and there is disrespect.

...
What makes a relationship toxic

People who consistently undermine or cause harm to a partner (whether intentionally or not) often have a reason for their behavior, even if it’s subconscious. 

Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing. They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder.

Warning signs

The most serious warning signs include any form of violence, abuse or harassment, which should be dealt with immediately. But in many cases, the indicators of a toxic relationship are much more subtle: Persistent unhappiness, negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem, feeling like you can’t talk with or voice concerns to your significant other.

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Manage your feelings when in a relationship

Anger and frustration can result in great harm when expressed. When you experience these feelings towards your partner, try to calm down before starting a quarrel, which would only just injure your...

A balanced relationship is a happy relationship

As you most probably know, making sure there is balance at every level in your relationship will only strengthen your connection with your better half. Therefore, take all the necessary steps to ensure that whenever one of you has a bad day, the other one is there to cheer him or her up.

Efficient communication within a relationship

Whenever you feel like asking something to your partner, try saying it in a polite and affectionate way, avoiding reproaches while making sure that you set the direction of your relationship up for success.

The Importance Of Commitment Signs

Correctly “reading” the signs of commitment in a potential long-term partner is crucial. When you don’t get solid information about commitment as things progress, you can miss important s...

1. What Does And What Doesn’t Signal Commitment.
The essence of commitment is both parties wanting and planning a future with each other. And that can only be perceived through actions and their context.
Some of the things that people often mistake in isolation for commitment are:
  • Wanting to have sex with someone.
  • Wanting to have a baby with no other evidence of commitment like, say, marriage.
  • Cohabitation.
  • Being married.
2. Circumstances And Commitment.

For behavior to mean something about commitment, it must be behavior that the person has control over performing. If one's options are limited by the context their intentions cannot be read.

In the context of dating and mating, option constraints on you or your partner, limits the information contained in the choices you make. That means that some may routinely misinterpret the behavior of their partners as a signal of commitment when it isn’t.

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