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7 Ways To Make Your Relationship Less Codependent & More Interdependent
A Codependent Partner
If your partner is codependent, be patient with them.
Interdependence is usually a process of breaking with previous experiences (of being let down) and expectations (of being unfulfilled) in relationships.
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Codependent vs Interdependent
Codependency in relationships means being overly preoccupied with your partner to the point of losing your own sense of who you are and what you need.
Partners in an interdependent or secure relationship put the relationship first. Not their partner.
Keep Working On Yourself
The key to making your relationship more interdependent is to take stock of your life. Find purpose and meaning outside of your relationship.
Not only will it make you happier and better as a person, but it may also improve intimacy and passion in your relationship.
Have Regular "Friend Dates"
It’s healthy to have regular time with your friends without your partner. A little time apart also creates mystique and plays into that tried but true adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Have Weekly Check-Ins
A weekly check-in of pure honesty (i.e. this is where I am at, this is what I feel, and this is what actually bothers me) is a great way to keep lines of communication open and cultivate an interdependent relationship.
Healthy Communication Rules
One way to make your relationship more equal and interdependent is to make sure there is a healthy communication channel between the two of you.
Good communication rules to keep in mind include actively listening while the other is speaking, no interrupting, and listening first without making any judgements.
Be Honest About Your Fears
You must have a conversation with your partner if both of you are engaging in codependent behaviors.
You will need a little self-awareness on your part to realize if it is a lack of trust in your partner, yourself, or a combination of both. Deeper conversations should reassure you or your partner that your relationship is going to be OK.
A Codependent Partner
If your partner is codependent, be patient with them.
Interdependence is usually a process of breaking with previous experiences (of being let down) and expectations (of being unfulfilled) in relationships.
Get Outside Help
Sometimes turning a codependent relationship into a more interdependent one isn't as easy. For some, deeper issues can be the reason behind why they feel like they can't do or be anything without their partner.
Therapy can be a helpful tool in working through the origin of codependency issues and addressing issues of attachment.
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Getting To The Root Of Your Reluctance
If you find it difficult to share your past experiences, ask yourself why you are reluctant to open up. Getting to the root of the reluctance is key.
Work Out Your Feelings First
Before you talk to your partner about something difficult, find the right words to express it first. Until you can verbalize it, it remains unknown to you and to your partner.
If you do not feel safe enough to talk through these issues, consider journaling, or talking with a counsellor until you are clear about how you are feeling.
Open Up In Small Steps
When you decide to open up, start by taking small steps to test the waters first.
The more you practice and see that you can do it, the easier it will get for you to open up.
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Codependency
The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such a...
Signs of Codependency
Ask yourself these questions:
- Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
- Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
- Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
- Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
- Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
- Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
The Development of Codependency
When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.
As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.
Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.
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Interdependent
This is where two people, both strong individuals, are involved with each other, but without sacrificing t...
A balanced relationship
- Assess where you are right now. If there is too much neediness or you feel that your partner is way too independent and doesn't want to be with you, rebalancing how you relate is very important.
- Begin looking at how you got there. Ask each other some questions like "Did this start because of an argument?" or "Is this what you really want?" and "How can we make it better for both of us?"
- Talk about what you are feeling and make the necessary adjustments so that both of you can feel better.