The Ordeal Stage of Romantic Love

As romance and idealization fade, we enter the ordeal stage.  We learn more things about our partner that displease us and discover habits and flaws we dislike and attitudes we believe to be ignorant or distasteful. 

Two things can damage a relationship during this period.

• We fear losing or upsetting our partner and hold back feelings, wants, and needs. 
• We complain and try to turn our partner into who we first idealized him or her to be.