People don't care about the little details you struggle to remember. The names, dates, years, they don't care. What they care about is you. What you're like, what you have in common.

Stay out of the weeds

The ability to really listen is perhaps the most important skill you could develop.
Why don't we listen?
<ul>
<li>We like to rather talk because when we talk, we're in control. We don't have to listen to anything we're not interested in.</li>
<li>We get distracted. We can listen to 500 words per minute, yet the average person talks at about 225 words per minute. So our minds fill in the other 275 words.</li>
</ul>

Listen

A good conversation is brief enough to retain interest but long enough to cover the subject.

Be brief

We live in a world where every conversation can turn into an argument. Pew Research found that we are more polarised, more divided than we have ever been in history. It means we are not listening to each other.  A conversation requires talking and listening, and somewhere we have lost the balance between them. In the 21st century, it's more important to sustain coherent, confident conversations. We might not like the person or might deeply disagree with them, but we should still be able to have a great conversation with them.

The art of conversation

Enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn as everybody is an expert in something. A true conversation means setting aside your personal opinion. In sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less vulnerable and more willing to open up.

Don't pontificate

Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how.
For example, instead of asking "Were you terrified?", which will produce a "yes" or "no" answer, try asking, "How did that feel?" They might have to think about it, but you'll get a much better response.

Use open-ended questions

We may listen to someone who talks for several minutes, and then thoughts will pop into your mind and draw your attention away from the conversation. Stories and ideas will come to you, but you need to let them come and let them go.

Go with the flow

Be present in that moment.
Don't look at your cellphone. Don't think about what you're having for dinner. If you want out of the conversation, then get out, but don't be half in half out.

Don't multitask

People on the radio are more aware that they're going on the record and will be more careful about what they claim to be an expert in. Do the same. Err on the side of caution.

If you don't know, say that you don't know

If they're talking about losing a loved one, don't start talking about the time you lost a loved one. If they talk about the trouble at work, don't tell them about your own troubles at work. It's not the same. The conversation is not about you. You don't need to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered.

Don't equate your experience with theirs

It's condescending. It's boring. Yet we all tend to do it a lot, especially in work conversations or with our kids. We have a point to make that we keep rehashing. Don't do it.

Try not to repeat yourself

A collection of 7 Ted talks to inspire you and help you get better at CSM

problemsolving

Problem Solving

business

Business

communication

Communication

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

Top 7 TED Talks On Customer Success

When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. Become a TED Member: http://ted.com/membership Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

videos

Videos

When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed."

Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more.

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. 

Become a TED Member: http://ted.com/membership
Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks
Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED
Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know.

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy: https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

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