Silence is a source of great strength.

<ul><li>Awkward silence is an uncomfortably long pause in a conversation, presentation, or interaction.</li><li>Humans strive to avoid silence on an instinctual level because they fear disapproval and rejection from those around them</li><li>Use awkward silence to your advantage by cultivating curiosity and spending time alone or meditating to cultivate comfortability</li><li>Become more comfortable with silence and decide when to speak up</li></ul>

Awkward Silence

<ul><li>Ideal pauses in conversation are a quarter to half a second-just enough time to take a breath.</li><li>A pause can get awkward when it stretches into four seconds. Once the pause has lasted too long, people start to feel uncomfortable or break the natural flow of conversation.</li></ul>

The Duration Of The Silence

When you experience an unexpected silence, the amygdala(a region of the brain) starts to sound alarm bells.Why does the brain overreact to silence? Researchers trace this reaction back to our hunter-gatherer roots. At that time, <a href="https://www.scienceofpeople.com/rejection-hurts/">rejection</a> from the community was incredibly dangerous for an individual. At a primal level, the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S002210311000274X">uncertainty</a> of silence feels like rejection, and the fear of rejection leads people to panic.

The Reason Silence Is Uncomfortable

A simple compliment helps the conversation shift to a friendly, positive note. For example, if there is a long pause, you could say, “By the way, I love your earrings. Where did you get them?”Always have a back pocket question that you can use in your conversations if an awkward silence creeps in.

Avoid Awkward Silences: Genuine Comment

"Yes/no" questions are more likely to lead to an awkward silenceTell stories that allow the person you are chatting with to respond in a way that can naturally lead to another questionExample: What's your favourite campaign you've worked on?"

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Let the person you're chatting with know why you're interested and invested in the questions you're asking.Example: "I remember you mentioning that you work as a barista. What do you like about your job?"By adding a personal connection, you show them why you are interested in their answer

If You Have Personal Experience with The Topic-Let Them Know

On your way to the event, think of a few conversation starters to help you strike up a conversation with a new person and keep the conversation goingWhat did you think of X sports game? What kind of music do you like listening to? What were your thoughts on the presentation?

Plan Some Conversation Starters Ahead of Time

When someone talks with you, they likely want to learn something new about you. Steer clear of short answers and share some extra details that will help them get to know you better.End with a question about them.

Give In-Depth Answers

When the natural rhythm of the conversation starts to lull, graciously tell the person you're speaking with, "Thanks so much for chatting, I need to get going, but I enjoyed talking with you." This allows the conversation to end before either party feels the awkwardness that will inevitably happen

End the Conversation Graciously

In a negotiation, keeping your chill in a business negotiation or team meeting allows others the time they need to think and formulate an answer.It can also push the other person to feel uncomfortable and "cave" into your request.

Use Awkward Silence to Your Advantage

If you've just posed a non-rhetorical question to a room (or zoom meeting) full of colleagues, let the silence settle for a moment. Your colleagues might be using that time to think about their answers or are nervous about speaking up first.

In a business meeting

Try responding with, "In all honesty, my research on what other companies are paying for this equivalent position paired with my industry experience led me to expect the compensation to be a bit higher."Then wait for a few seconds and see what happens.If they don't respond, graciously ask if you can have a few days to consider.

Awkward Silence In An Interview

By becoming more comfortable with silence, you’ll be able to consciously decide when to speak up and when to let the other person speak first. Your ability to handle silence can grow through practice. To cultivate comfortability with silence, <a href="https://www.scienceofpeople.com/fear-of-being-alone/">spend time alone</a> in nature, drive without turning on music, or meditate.

Be Comfortable With Silence

Awkward silence is so stressful that people will say almost anything to get away from it—use that to your advantage! Or avoid it using these 6 tips.

communication

Communication

Awkward Silence: Make the Most of It or Get Rid of It

Our voices matter as much as our words matter. They have the power to awaken the senses and lead others to act, close deals, or land us successful job interviews. 
Through our voices, we create nuances of meaning, convey our emotions, and find the secret to communicating our executive presence.

Our Voices

The key lies in harnessing our voices using the principles of vocalics. Vocalics primarily consists of three linguistic elements: stress (volume), intonation (rising and falling tone), and rhythm (pacing). By combining vocalics with public speaking skills, we can colour our words with the meaning and emotion that motivates others to act.

The Principles Of Vocalics

Crank up your volume: No, we don’t mean shout. The effective use of volume goes beyond trying to be the loudest person in the room. To direct the flow of any conversation, you must overtly stress what linguists call focus words. When you intentionally place volume on certain words, you emphasize parts of a message and shift the direction of a conversation toward your preferred outcome.

How to Harness Your Voice: Turn It up A Bit

Use a powerful speech style: The key to achieving a powerful speech style, particularly during job interviews and hiring decisions, is to first concentrate on the “melody” of your voice, also called intonation. This rise or fall of our voice conveys grammatical meaning (questions or statements) or even attitude (surprise, joy, sarcasm).To command more executive presence, combine this technique with increasing the volume of your voice on important focus words. These two elements will help you exude competence and authority.

The Melody Of Your Voice

Calibrate your vocal rhythm with the right melody: Our messages are perceived differently depending on the way we use rhythm in our voices. Deliberately varying our pacing with compelling pauses creates “voiced” punctuation, a powerful way to hold the pulse of the moment.We often imagine conversations to flow as smoothly and continuously as a river, but fluent speech is actually filled with intricate patterns of conscious starts and stops which linguists call <a href="https://digitalcommons.usu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1045&context=honor_lectures">thought groups</a> or acoustical phrasing.

Pacing And Rhythm

The more definitive you are with speaking in chunked phrases, the more time others will have to process your ideas, and the more clarity you will achieve. Moreover, thought groups, when combined with the volume changes of focus words and the intonation of a powerful speaking style, have been shown to dramatically enhance vocal quality, even upping people’s chances of <a href="https://www.ceeol.com/search/article-detail?id=563521">getting hired</a>.

The Bottom Line

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Your Voice

Non-verbal gestures are classified as emblems and illustrators. <ul><li>Emblems are gestures that stand in for words, such as a "thumbs up" gesture and the "shhh" gesture. We can quickly know what they mean without much context.</li><li>Illustrators are gestures that accompany words. They are intimately related to the moment with speech, phrasing, content, voice, and so on.</li></ul> When you give a presentation, the hand gestures you are using are illustrators. Your hand motions combined with your speech are part of the communication process.

Hand gestures when you present

Palms are deeply connected to our brains and perceptions of others. When presenters want to gain the attention and trust of their audience, they speak with their palms facing up. Palms up or open body posture communicates that the speaker is trustworthy and vulnerable.

Speak with your palms up

Gestures are strongly connected to our thought process. When a speaker uses gestures, it benefits the audience and the speaker. Illustrators help the speaker past some awkwardness in speech or thought. It assists in the flow of his ideas while reducing filler words like "uh".

Use gestures when you get stuck

The most popular TED talk presenters use more gestures. For example, less popular talks have about 272 hand gestures, while the most popular talks have around 465 hand gestures. When charismatic leaders use hand gestures, the brain gets two explanations in one, and the brain loves that because gestures add to the meaning. Gestures are pull cues. When a presenter uses hand gestures, your attention is pulled and captured by the person.

The audience loves gestures

When you present, keep your gestures natural. When your gestures are contrived, they won't sit well with the audience. Use gestures that you would use in everyday conversation. However, use them with more intention and try and do them in the strike zone (the area between your shoulders and the top of your hips.) Anything bigger can get distracting. Also, ensure to mix up gestures and avoid repetitive motion.

Keep hand gestures natural

Everybody loves a "Greatest Hits" album. We've compiled some of the best research and advice about hand gestures when presenting.

The Best Advice Out There on Hand Gestures

When creating documentation, you're not speaking to people with institutional knowledge. You're speaking either to people who sit outside your team and aren't privy to your department's lingo, or to the newbies who don't yet know their CRMs from their CMSs.

Creating internal documentation 

For overarching processes, it's better to whittle down the writing to a digestible format, with enough detail for it to be comprehensible, but not so in-depth that any tiny change in the process would make the whole lot moot. If your internal docs are so convoluted that you break down every single process and concept within that process in agonizing detail, you and your readers are in for a rough time. You're also going to have a field day when something inevitably changes and you need to update your docs to match.

Don't get bogged down by the details

If the process is complicated, the documentation will be too. If you can't explain something in straightforward terms, you should correct the process until you can. Your processes—and the documents explaining them—should aim for what helps the most people, not what helps a few people the most.

Keep your processes straightforward

Whether it's training materials, employee handbooks, or standard operating procedures, laying out everything in a non-daunting way can bring new team members up to speed faster.Steven Pinker describes this phenomenon as "the curse of knowledge." He coined the term to describe what happens when experts overestimate the knowledge level of non-experts. We tend to assume too much knowledge, don't provide enough context, and fail to define abbreviations or jargon we take for granted.

Replace jargon with plain language

Having a strong company culture isn't something you can just declare. It takes deliberate action to bring people together and to make every department accessible. So: how do clear communications better company culture? For one thing, internal documents are a great way to establish the company in terms of character and style for employees. If employees feel like they're a part of something that they know and understand, they'll perform better.

Include broader context about each team

How to write internal documentation that works

Creating your narrative involves knowing yourself and being able to articulate an overall story about yourself, including where you are coming from, what you’re seeking, why you feel ready to take on a new role, what kind of company are you looking for, and what value you can add to the hiring company.Each conversation you have—each networking meeting, each interview, each answer you give—should be shaped by this story.

Decide on your storyline

Your role as a storyteller is to portray yourself as a winning candidate, so think about the qualities you want to project.<ul><li>Figure out what your true and best qualities are. Enthusiasm ranks very high on the list, as well as passion, confidence, resilience, humility, empathy, and respectfulness.</li><li>Also, show you learn from each experience, and get results.</li></ul>

Develop your character

A strong and consistent message about yourself will energize every one of your conversations. The encounters you’ll have on your job journey should not be viewed as one-off events. You’ll succeed only when all those meetings reflect the unity and coherence of your message.A unifying message might sound like this: “I have a passion for marketing, and through a series of increasingly senior positions, I have grown market share and will do so in your firm.” Or, “I have successfully led software teams and am looking to build on this success with a position of broader scope.”

Have a message

To be dynamic and compelling, you’ll want the scripts you deliver throughout your journey to be well structured.For each occasion, design a script that has four parts:<ul><li>An opening or grabber</li><li>Your message</li><li>Reasons that support your message</li><li>Engagement or a call to action.</li></ul>

Structure your scripts

Internalize each script, so you deliver your lines with clarity. Make sure you have a script you feel excited about. Once you’re fully invested in it, learn it. Practicing quietly is excellent, but for the most important meetings, it’s best to rehearse out loud. Practice delivering in front of a coach, friend, or family member. Or record yourself with your phone video camera or computer, so you can review your delivery and analyze it.

Learn your lines

Whether you’re interviewing, networking, or writing a cover letter, it’s all about crafting a compelling narrative. Here’s what to include.


career

Career

How to tell your ‘career story’ in a way that lands you a new job

In the modern cybersecurity landscape, every employee is a potential threat vector. To keep their organizations safe, technical and business leaders alike must understand the factors that can make anyone susceptible to flouting policy and opening the door to attackers.
While the idea of a resentful employee purposefully trying to harm their company may make for a compelling story, research points to the major role of employee stress in motivating non-malicious (yet potentially catastrophic) security breaches.

Digital Attacks On Organizations

A recent study suggests that the vast majority of intentional policy breaches stem not from some malicious desire to cause harm, but rather, from the perception that following the rules would impede employees’ ability to get their work done effectively.
Employees are more likely to violate policy on days when they are more stressed out, suggesting that high-stress levels can reduce people’s tolerance for following rules that seem to get in the way of doing their jobs.

The Startling Findings

Common sources of stress include family demands that conflicted with work, job security fears, and ironically, the demands of the cybersecurity policies themselves.
People are more likely to violate procedures when they worry that following them would hinder productivity, require extra time or energy, mean doing their jobs in a different way, or make them feel like they were constantly being monitored.

The Leading Cause: Stress

There are a lot of well-intentioned reasons that an employee might knowingly fail to fully follow the rules.
Rather than focusing on malicious attacks, security policies should acknowledge the fact that many employee-driven breaches stem from an attempt to balance security and productivity. This means educating employees and managers on the prevalence of non-malicious violations and providing clear guidance on what to do if adherence to security practices seems to conflict with getting work done.

Malice And Ignorance Can Mix

As the myriad stresses of the pandemic make it harder to maintain productivity, that means that security tends to take a backseat to the critical tasks that drive performance reviews, promotions, and bonuses.
To address this, managers must recognize that job design and cybersecurity are fundamentally intertwined. The reality is that compliance with cybersecurity policies can add to employees’ workloads, and so it should be considered and incentivized alongside other performance metrics when workloads are determined.

Job Design and Cybersecurity Are Intertwined

in a study, around 18% of policy violations were motivated by a desire to help a coworker. The pandemic has only increased the challenges we all face every day, and thus has created even more opportunities for well-meaning employees to “help” their peers in ways that leave their organizations vulnerable. 
Hackers know this, and they will often intentionally use social engineering tactics that take advantage of employees’ willingness to bend the rules if they think they’re helping someone out.

Hackers Take Advantage of Altruism (Helping Coworkers)

Stress can reduce people’s tolerance for rules that seem to get in the way of doing their jobs.

technologyandthefuture

Technology & The Future

mentalhealth

Mental Health

cybersecurity

Cybersecurity

Research: Why Employees Violate Cybersecurity Policies

When speaking in front of people, you have about 10 seconds to capture their attention before they tune out, so you must do something interesting.
Start with a prop. It can be any physical object, such as using a piece of fruit as a metaphor.

Start with a prop

You must get the audience moving and speaking and responding to you if you want them to engage with what you're saying. 
<ul>
<li>Some people will ask, "Show a hand, who's seen this before? or "show of hands, who's heard this before?"</li>
<li>Adding humour in the first minute also helps the audience to engage.</li>
</ul>

You need audience interaction within the first minute

In the first minute, captivate the attention, using humour, provocative questions, or props. However, don't tell them yet what you're going to talk about. First, capture their attention.
No matter how dry your subject is, use stories to move people emotionally because they are persuaded by anecdotes, even though it's a logical fallacy.

The body of the presentation

When you're in front of a group of people, you're performing. You need to move your body and embody characters.
Try to bring people to the present tense of your story, act it out, make it vivid in their minds. Your goal is for them to walk away behaving differently.

You're not just speaking, you're performing

<ul>
<li>At the start of your presentation, you hooked the attention of your audience.</li>
<li>In the body of the presentation, you used stories.</li>
<li>Now they're wide open to you who can use words to influence and inspire them. You can drop whatever nugget you want them to take away.</li>
</ul>

Wrapping up your presentation

How to quickly captivate your audience's attention: The following tips apply to any setting where you need to give a presentation in front of a group of people.

6 Public Speaking Tips To Hook Any Audience Public speaking is hard. We all know it. But if you master a few basic public speaking tips and techniques, you can absolutely hook any audience. https://goo.gl/IpBEnO In this video you'll get the public speaking training to hook an audience n 30 seconds. The public speaking skills to tell stories that have people hanging on every word. And the techniques to nail a finale that moves people to action. Public speaking shakes a lot of people's confidence, but if you use these tips and techniques, you'll be on your way to giving presentations that TED would be proud of :-) You can watch the full speech here: https://youtu.be/Iqq1roF4C8s For the written version: http://www.charismaoncommand.com/oral-presentation-tips/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=videodesc&utm_campaign=blog Subscribe to Charisma On Command: http://bit.ly/subscribeCOC Connect With Us. Website: http://www.charismaoncommand.com Facebook: http://facebook.com/charismaoncommand Periscope: @Charismaon Or if you want to see my personal stuff (my regular life + me playing music): Instagram: @CharlieHoupert Periscope: @CharlieHoupert

videos

Videos

6 Public Speaking Tips To Hook Any Audience

We live in a world where every conversation can turn into an argument. Pew Research found that we are more polarised, more divided than we have ever been in history. It means we are not listening to each other.  A conversation requires talking and listening, and somewhere we have lost the balance between them. In the 21st century, it's more important to sustain coherent, confident conversations. We might not like the person or might deeply disagree with them, but we should still be able to have a great conversation with them.

The art of conversation

Be present in that moment.
Don't look at your cellphone. Don't think about what you're having for dinner. If you want out of the conversation, then get out, but don't be half in half out.

Don't multitask

Enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn as everybody is an expert in something. A true conversation means setting aside your personal opinion. In sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less vulnerable and more willing to open up.

Don't pontificate

Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how.
For example, instead of asking "Were you terrified?", which will produce a "yes" or "no" answer, try asking, "How did that feel?" They might have to think about it, but you'll get a much better response.

Use open-ended questions

We may listen to someone who talks for several minutes, and then thoughts will pop into your mind and draw your attention away from the conversation. Stories and ideas will come to you, but you need to let them come and let them go.

Go with the flow

People on the radio are more aware that they're going on the record and will be more careful about what they claim to be an expert in. Do the same. Err on the side of caution.

If you don't know, say that you don't know

If they're talking about losing a loved one, don't start talking about the time you lost a loved one. If they talk about the trouble at work, don't tell them about your own troubles at work. It's not the same. The conversation is not about you. You don't need to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered.

Don't equate your experience with theirs

It's condescending. It's boring. Yet we all tend to do it a lot, especially in work conversations or with our kids. We have a point to make that we keep rehashing. Don't do it.

Try not to repeat yourself

People don't care about the little details you struggle to remember. The names, dates, years, they don't care. What they care about is you. What you're like, what you have in common.

Stay out of the weeds

The ability to really listen is perhaps the most important skill you could develop.
Why don't we listen?
<ul>
<li>We like to rather talk because when we talk, we're in control. We don't have to listen to anything we're not interested in.</li>
<li>We get distracted. We can listen to 500 words per minute, yet the average person talks at about 225 words per minute. So our minds fill in the other 275 words.</li>
</ul>

Listen

A good conversation is brief enough to retain interest but long enough to cover the subject.

Be brief

When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. Become a TED Member: http://ted.com/membership Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED

Being humiliated in public is not a great feeling to experience and it is important to note that regardless of what your stance may be, it's best to not air out your opinions in a public area.
You need to find the most suitable time to talk to this person and better if done in a private area so that there won't be eavesdropping.
However, if you want to mitigate the risk of any possible complications, you should establish a process for disagreement ahead of time -- even before the disagreement arises.

When and Where To Speak Up

Before speaking your mind, do a risk assessment first. Weigh out the consequences of what could possibly happen if you decide to speak up or keep quiet.
Moving forward, after thinking that through, take the moment to build up your case first by researching data, gathering studies or reports that would build a stronger case, and find colleagues who share the same sentiment.

Wait To Share

When your are firm and prepared here's what you should do:
<ol>
<li>Clearly state your idea or proposal, should there be any rebuttal of their end --</li>
<li>Ask permission before disagreeing, so that it won't seem like you're being defensive -- </li>
<li>Connect your idea or proposal to a shared goal that the both of you care about, this will leave room for conversation.</li>
</ol>

What To Say

This is the most important part so read carefully.
<ol>
<li>It is important that you stay calm regardless of what the other person's reaction may be. Breathe deeply and speak deliberately.</li>
<li>Stay humble. Remember that your opinion is just your opinion. Allow the other person to express their thoughts about your opinion without you getting up on the high chair.</li>
<li>Stay neutral and avoid using adjectives that will have a negative impact to the conversation. </li>
<li>Remember to keep balance. Be respectful to the other person while being firm about your stand.</li>
</ol>

How To Say It

Just agreeing with your boss (or your boss’s boss) feels easier, but it’s often better to voice your disagreement. HBR's Amy Gallo shows how.

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful

Inexperienced questions such as "I'm thinking about [action]. What do you think?" are seldom answered because answering would take too much effort.
This is because naive questions lack the necessary context while failing to respect the recipient's time, energy and attention. Instead, it transfers responsibility for the end result from the questioner to the recipient. If you want helpful answers, it is worthwhile to learn to ask better questions.

Asking useful questions require practice

"I would like to know more about A. I found you via B. Are you the best person to ask regarding A?" <ul><li>Be specific about the information you require.</li><li>Give context. Reference why you're asking them and how you found their contact information.</li><li>Asking if the recipient is the best person will save time for both of you.</li></ul>

Asking for information

"From our discussion about A, it seems like B is the case. Is that correct?" <ul><li>Include a summary of the topic for context.</li><li>"It seems like" helps to find clarification without sounding confrontational.</li><li>"Is that correct" clarifies your position.</li></ul>

Asking for clarification

"I'm trying A. I've tried B and C, and it resulted in D and E. What should I try next?" <ul><li>Be exact about what you're trying to do. </li><li>Include what you've tried, which makes it clear that you are trying to solve your own problems.</li><li>"What should I try next?" sets the recipient as the expert.</li></ul>

Asking for help

"Based on our conversation about X, we decided to do Y. The next step is Z. Agreed? If yes, I'll do it right away." <ul><li>Spell out the decision. </li><li>"Agreed?" gives the recipient a chance to voice disagreement.</li><li>"I'll do it right away" makes it clear that clarification needs to be made right away.</li></ul>

Asking for agreement

"I'm working on A. My priorities are B and C, but I'm not sure it's the best option. If you have a moment, I'd appreciate your thoughts . If you can't, no worries. Thanks."<ul><li>Be precise about what you're trying to do. </li><li>Be clear about your priorities.</li><li>State that you're asking for advice, nor for the recipient to decide for you.</li><li>Give the recipient an easy out. "If you can't, no worries. Thanks"</li></ul>

Awkward Silence: Make the Most of It or Get Rid of It

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Your Voice

The Best Advice Out There on Hand Gestures

How to write internal documentation that works

How to tell your ‘career story’ in a way that lands you a new job

Saisha