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Overcoming a Fear of Vulnerability and Love Your Imperfections

Protecting Yourself with Destructive Behavior

Building walls create a safe space into which you can quickly retreat, but it also leaves you trapped behind your own emotional defenses, unable to give or receive positive emotions as well as negative ones. 

This, in turn, leaves many people feeling isolated and alone.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Overcoming a Fear of Vulnerability and Love Your Imperfections

Overcoming a Fear of Vulnerability and Love Your Imperfections

https://www.verywellmind.com/fear-of-vulnerability-2671820

verywellmind.com

5

Key Ideas

From Openness to Closing Yourself Off

From a young age, we learn that not everyone is on our side, and not all situations are going to go our way. 

Over time, we build walls around our hearts to protect ourselves from these hurts.

Protecting Yourself with Destructive Behavior

Building walls create a safe space into which you can quickly retreat, but it also leaves you trapped behind your own emotional defenses, unable to give or receive positive emotions as well as negative ones. 

This, in turn, leaves many people feeling isolated and alone.

From Protecting to Forgiving Yourself

The fear of vulnerability is ultimately a fear of rejection or abandonment. To combat it, you must first learn to love and accept yourself with all your flaws, embarrassing stories, past mistakes, insecurities and awkwardness.  

Realize that everyone feels like this, regardless of how successful they are.

Embracing Imperfection

We understand that people that we admire are imperfect, but don't find their flaws unforgivable. Yet, when it comes to ourselves, we beat ourselves up for our own imperfections.

Do not judge yourself more harshly than you judge them.

How to Love Yourself

  • Acknowledge yourself as a whole human being, flaws, imperfections and all. 
  • Own and embrace your past mistakes.
  • Apologize to anyone you feel you have significantly wronged, and then move on. 
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Stop trying to prove your value. You are important.

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Applying The Power Of Choice

You have to recognize that you have the choice in how you react to situations.

This will empower you to work with the challenges that you face in your life: you'll have clarity, focus and a purpose.

The STOPP Technique

... to control your emotions:

  • S – Stop
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  • O – Observe – your thoughts and feelings
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Not Celebrating Your Success

It's never good enough, so you get sucked so far into the details that you become frustrated.

Even when your goal is complete and results in success, you believe you could and shoul...

Pursuing Perfection, But Never Feeling Perfect

Even if you have a clear goal of what perfection means, obsessively pursuing it is a sign of insecurity

And insecurity, when not addressed directly, doesn’t go away because a concrete objective has been achieved, it manifests itself into self-criticism or a new overvalued goal.

Not Allowing Yourself To Fail

Instead of forgiving and viewing mistakes as a learning opportunity, you criticize and put pressure on yourself for not predicting a less than perfect outcome. You feel inadequate, and these feelings preoccupy your mind, often to the point of losing productivity.

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Causing unintentional harm

We all cause harm to our partner and the intimacy between us. We make mistakes that are foolish and unintentional and sometimes launch attacks on purpose.

When you wound another, apologi...

How to give an apology

A good apology takes two people: the giver and the receiver. An apology that heals is based on kindness, generosity, and compassion. 

The recipient accepts it with grace and, in turn, offers forgiveness. Without forgiveness, it cannot heal.

The mindful apology in practice

  • Repair: An apology that rebuilds intimacy should have three parts: you need to own the mistake, and then you need to repair the damage. Lastly, you need to vow to improve.
  • Forgive:  If you have been hurt, you may never completely forget, but you can choose to forgive. To decide to forgive means that you don't relive something that belongs to the past.
  • Begin again: Unfinished business will accumulate. Let go of the small and the large wounds, so they don't pile up.