The Psychology of Forgiveness
Forgiveness can involve drawing boundaries for yourself.
The biggest aspect will involve going through the impact the betrayal had on your life. Understanding the factors that contributed to the betrayal can help to get to a place of acceptance. Letter writing is often a powerful tool in doing this work.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
It’s highly unlikely that you’ll ever be able to forget a serious wrong committed against you. But it’s a mistake to assume that because your mind is drawn to a specific thought or memory, you should allow your attention to stay there.
Acknowledge your memories but then choose to re-focus your attention elsewhere.
It’s normal to feel anger towards your offender. But unchecked anger often leads to unhelpful amounts of mental elaboration over the wrongs done to you.
When you notice yourself feeling angry, pause briefly and acknowledge the anger, then ask yourself if your anger will do you any good in the long-term. Just because your anger is justified doesn’t mean it’s helpful.
Acceptance does not mean endorsement or justification. Acceptance means acknowledging that you don’t have power or control over the past.
Accept the offense against you without excusing it. The key to taking control of your future is choosing to let go of the desire to control the past.
Identify the specific behavior that damaged you. Consider the person as a whole with positive and negative behaviors. The person is not the behavior, but the behavior is a part of that person.
If you feel safe communicating with the person who hurt you, talk about your feelings or write them to him.
Many of us have anxious and negative attachments to people who have hurt us in the form of anger, hate, resentment, irrational guilt or shame.
Removing the negative attachment through forgiveness will make you feel liberated and open you to the positive that life has to offer.
Social life can be full of uncertainty. Friends don't always smile back at you. Strangers sometimes look upset. The question is how you interpret these situations. Do you take everything personally or do you think there are reasons they behave that way that has nothing to do with you?
While most people tend to overcome socially ambiguity with ease, knowing it is unavoidable, other people tend to see themselves as perpetual victims. They believe that one's life is entirely under the control of forces outside one's self.
Researchers found the tendency for interpersonal victimhood consists of four main dimensions:
In interpersonal conflict, all parties are motivated to maintain a positive moral self-image. However, different parties are likely to create very different subjective realities. Offenders tend to downplay the severity of the transgression, and victims tend to perceive the offenders' motivations as immoral.
The mindset one develops - as a victim or a perpetrator - affects the way the situation is perceived and remembered.