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4 Ways to Stop Seeking Out Approval at Work
Behind Your Need for Approval
Reflect on how your childhood or early development may be contributing to your current approval-seeking behavior. In many cases, a tendency to seek approval at work stems from something in your past.
For example, were you taught to respect authority growing up? If so, you may feel uncomfortable expressing disagreement in work contexts.
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Key Ideas
Fear of rejection
The main reason why we are having a hard time declining other people's requests is that we are afraid to be rejected. We are afraid that people might think negatively.
Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No
- Saying No Doesn’t Mean You’re a Bad Person: Saying no doesn't mean that you are being rude, selfish, or unkind. These are all unhelpful beliefs that make it hard to say no. Learning where these beliefs have come from is a great way to learn to let go of them.
- Knowing Your Value: Learning to say no is realizing that you are valuable and choosing your own opinion about yourself over others.
- Is It Really Worth It?: Learning to say no is also deciding if saying yes is really worth it. Think about the anguish, stress, and resentment that saying yes has caused you. Wouldn't it be so much easier and straightforward to just say no in the first place?
Helpful Tips for Saying No
- Be direct.
- Don't apologize and give all sorts of reasons.
- Be honest.
- Don't delay your response.
- Be polite.
- Practice saying no. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.
- Know your worth. Don't mind what other think of you.
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Prepare for rejection
Always have a rejection-processing protocol in place. Debrief with personal and professional support people who can empathize and appreciate your experiences without passing judgment, criticizing o...
Find the blessings in rejection
In many cases, rejections are blessings in disguise. Maybe you don't want those customers that rejected your product.
Refer and direct those customers to your competitors that fit their needs. They certainly would not forget the lengths you went to. Such service is rare.
Feed your growth mindset
You might initially doubt yourself, question your competency and your self-worth but after you have weathered the storm, activate your growth mindset and start asking questions:
What can I do differently? What have I discovered about myself? What changes can I make? What will I do differently next time?
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What Not To Do When Asking For Help
- Instruct people.
- Tell or imply that they should help our debt they don’t have a choice about it.
- Using unnecessary prefaces makes people feel trapped.
- Profusely apologi...
Reinforce A Request For Help
- In-group: Assuring that you’re on the helper’s team and the team’s importance taps into our need to belong to and perpetuate supportive social circles.
- Positive identity: Creating or enhancing their recognition that they are uniquely placed to provide assistance and that they aren’t just “people who can help” but routinely helpful people.
- Effectiveness: People want to know the impact of the aid they will give. Knowing one’s actions have an effect is a fundamental human motivation.
Research Results On Helpfulness
- Studies indicate that people are willing to help more often than we expect.
- Studies suggest that we underestimate how much effort those who do agree to help will put in.
- Those who help others get to feel better with themselves than those who don’t.