We dread speaking up because of the stories we tell ourselves

When we address issues that are emotionally and politically risky, we tend to see the other person more negatively. We tell ourselves stories that show us as virtuous victims and the other party as the villain. We then form emotions of disgust and fear that give rise to conflict and lead to a downward spiral that reinforces our story.

A study found that subjects who tended to tell more extreme stories about their colleagues were more than three times more likely to feel fearful and 3.5 times more likely to lack the confidence to speak their minds with peers.