One of the pleasures of doing counselling over a number of decades is that occasionally one sees former clients who have made remarkable progress. A person with whom I worked many years ago and who has been dropped by my office. I recall the slouched young woman she once was. As she had sat in front of me week after week she had blushed, stumbled in her speech and looked at the floor. Her body language said, "I don't even deserve to be talking to you". She tended to lose jobs, relationship went sour and she had troubles in almost every area of her life. As failures were connected to her.

Can Self Image Be Changed

Now, almost 10 years later, the woman has obviously changed her self estimate, and she is a startlingly transformed woman. She is beautifully poised and her body language telegraphs how good she feels about herself. She talks about animation about the successful business she has started, she is married to a man she loves and she has several long term friends. She has change not only her look but also self confidence and judgement about herself.

Changed Self Image 

I believe fervently in our species and have no patience with the current fashion of running down the human being as a useful part of nature. On the contrary, we are a spectacular, splendid manifestation of life.

I would like to emphasize that one does not necessarily require a therapist to engage in self discovery . Freud and Jung analyzed themselves, and many of us can do the same. Here are some simple suggestions for learning more about your inner self. 1. Keep a journal 2. Arrange to spend time alone3. Note that things that make you distinctive4. Regularly redefine yourself5. Look for someone in whom you can confide.

Investigating Your Inner Self

Our success at friendship, business, sports, love indeed, at nearly every enterprise we attempt is largely determined by our self image. People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness. Good things drop into their laps regularly, their relationships are long lasting, their projects are usually carried to completion, and they have a way of enjoying the pleasures that the day brings. To use Blake's phrase, they "catch joy on the wings".

Self Confidence And Discovery Of Joy

On the other hand, some people seem to be magnets for failure and unhappiness. Their plans go awry, they have a way of torpe doing their own successes and nothing seems to work out for them. In the counselling office where I work we see many such persons. In most instances my colleagues and I find that their problems stem from a difficulty with self acceptance. And when we are able to help them gain more confidence, many of their psychological troubles take care of themselves.

Other Side Of Low Confidence 

"If you train your mind to search for the positive things about other people, you will be surprised at how many good things you can observe in them and comment upon."

There is no value judgement more important to man -- no factor more decisive in his psychological development and motivation -- than the estimate he passes on himself.

1. Tapping your Capacities2. Discovering your inner self3. Stepping off the Treadmill4. Aiming for Personal Excellence

Four Fundamentals For Developing Self-confidence 

The only difference between the best performance and the worst performance is the variation in our self talk.

11. Cultivate people who help you grow.12. Refuse to allow rejection to keep you from taking the initiative with people

Rules

....you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

James Joyce's classic novel Ulysses depicts the stream of consciousness moving through the mind of Leopold Bloom and others during a 24 hours period. Joyce's work makes poignantly clear that even when we are not talking to others, we are always carrying on a conversation with ourselves. If I could plug a set of headphones into the minds of my clients and listen in on the statement they make to themselves all day, the majority of them would be negative:" I'm late. My hair looks terrible & ugly. "One good daily exercise for building self Confidence is to practice more friendly inner dialogue.

Improving Your Inner Dialogue

<ol><li>Focus on your potential instead of your limitations.</li><li>Determine to know the truth about yourself.</li><li> Distinguish between who you are and what you do.</li><li>Find something you like to do and do it well, then do it over and over.</li><li> Replace self criticism with regular, positive self talk.</li><li>Replace fear of failure with clear pictures of yourself functioning successfully and happily.</li><li>Dare to be a little eccentric.</li><li> Make the best possible peace with your parents.</li><li>Determine to integrate the body and spirit.</li><li> Determine to live above neurotic guilt.</li></ol>

Twelve Rules For Building Self Confidence 

Helps readers build inner strength, handle rejection, develop uniqueness, keep flaws in perspective, make friends with one's body, find a place to excel, expand one's network of love and help others become more confident, in a book that includes fascinating stories and anecdotes, showing how to increase self-confidence without falling into the trap of self-worship. Original.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

books

Books

Discover how you can: build inner strength, handle rejection, develop your uniqueness, keep your flaws in perspective, make friends with your body, find a place to excel, expand your network of love, and help others become more confident. These and other practical guidelines, along with fascinating stories and anecdotes, show how you can increase your self-confidence without falling into the trap of self-worship. A book to help you succeed at being yourself.

LEWIS THOMAS, M.D.

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