Confidence

Our success at friendship, business, sports, love indeed, at nearly every enterprise we attempt is largely determined by our self image. People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness. Good things drop into their laps regularly, their relationships are long lasting, their projects are usually carried to completion, and they have a way of enjoying the pleasures that the day brings. To use Blake's phrase, they "catch joy on the wings".

On the other hand, some people seem to be magnets for failure and unhappiness. Their plans go awry, they have a way of torpe doing their own successes and nothing seems to work out for them. In the counselling office where I work we see many such persons. In most instances my colleagues and I find that their problems stem from a difficulty with self acceptance. And when we are able to help them gain more confidence, many of their psychological troubles take care of themselves.

One of the pleasures of doing counselling over a number of decades is that occasionally one sees former clients who have made remarkable progress. A person with whom I worked many years ago and who has been dropped by my office. I recall the slouched young woman she once was. As she had sat in front of me week after week she had blushed, stumbled in her speech and looked at the floor. Her body language said, "I don't even deserve to be talking to you". She tended to lose jobs, relationship went sour and she had troubles in almost every area of her life. As failures were connected to her.

Now, almost 10 years later, the woman has obviously changed her self estimate, and she is a startlingly transformed woman. She is beautifully poised and her body language telegraphs how good she feels about herself. She talks about animation about the successful business she has started, she is married to a man she loves and she has several long term friends. She has change not only her look but also self confidence and judgement about herself.

1. Tapping your Capacities

2. Discovering your inner self

3. Stepping off the Treadmill

4. Aiming for Personal Excellence

James Joyce's classic novel Ulysses depicts the stream of consciousness moving through the mind of Leopold Bloom and others during a 24 hours period. Joyce's work makes poignantly clear that even when we are not talking to others, we are always carrying on a conversation with ourselves. If I could plug a set of headphones into the minds of my clients and listen in on the statement they make to themselves all day, the majority of them would be negative:" I'm late. My hair looks terrible & ugly. "

One good daily exercise for building self Confidence is to practice more friendly inner dialogue.

I would like to emphasize that one does not necessarily require a therapist to engage in self discovery . Freud and Jung analyzed themselves, and many of us can do the same. Here are some simple suggestions for learning more about your inner self.

1. Keep a journal

2. Arrange to spend time alone

3. Note that things that make you distinctive

4. Regularly redefine yourself

5. Look for someone in whom you can confide.