Cruelty is an attempt to make ourselves feel better by doing to someone else a version of what was done to us.

A mother might hint to her daughter, "Don't ever succeed in your life as it would make me feel bad about myself."

Or a father would subtly communicate to his son, "I want you to fail in your career to make me feel better about my own disappointment."

Or a spouse would inject their partner with poison that carries the meaning, "I will repeatedly but subtly disrespect your intelligence to reduce the feelings of rage and powerlessness I experienced as a child."

The injector might not even understand what they are doing. They may be driven to act without knowing why they are doing so.

A part of self-knowledge means realising that those close to us have put some hugely damaging ideas inside us that we need to identify and correct to gain the freedom...