Cruelty is an attempt to make ourselves feel better by doing to someone else a version of what was done to us. A mother might hint to her daughter, "Don't ever succeed in your life as it would make me feel bad about myself." Or a father would subtly communicate to his son, "I want you to fail in your career to make me feel better about my own disappointment." Or a spouse would inject their partner with poison that carries the meaning, "I will repeatedly but subtly disrespect your intelligence to reduce the feelings of rage and powerlessness I experienced as a child."

Cruelty is often a projection

The injector might not even understand what they are doing. They may be driven to act without knowing why they are doing so. A part of self-knowledge means realising that those close to us have put some hugely damaging ideas inside us that we need to identify and correct to gain the freedom and light-heartedness we crave.

Ignorance of the injector

People constantly do things to us that disregard the common sense of how people should behave around people they claim to care about. We expect people close to us to show us kindness. Yet, humans frequently have feelings that are so intolerable and complex that they develop urges to pass them on to others. Put otherwise, humans can end up behaving cruelly to soothe their own sufferings by making someone near them suffer in their stead.

Hurting loved ones

A surprising amount of suffering is inflicted upon us by those who ostensibly love us. An explanation can be found by understanding the psychology of cruelty. Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/3HpVdSa For books and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/3pOm1o4 Our website has classes, articles and products to help you lead a more fulfilled life: https://bit.ly/35Gls9b Join this channel to get access to exclusive members perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog/join FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/34srQ3b “Part of why it is so hard to understand ourselves is that people are constantly doing things to us that defy the common-sense of view of how human beings might plausibly behave around people they claim to care about. We expect that those who might carry the title of mum or dad or husband or wife would, unless they had very clear reasons to do otherwise, show us kindness. And yet the brutal reality (which we must take on board for our own sanity) is that humans are frequently beset by feelings that are so intolerable and difficult, they develop urges to pass them on to others in a version of emotional pass the parcel…” MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLself SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Alix Bortoli: Direction, design, edit and Martin Leman: animation Title animation produced in collaboration with Vale Productions https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

videos

Videos

A surprising amount of suffering is inflicted upon us by those who ostensibly love us. An explanation can be found by understanding the psychology of cruelty. 
Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/3HpVdSa
For books and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/3pOm1o4
Our website has therapy, articles and products to help you lead a more fulfilled life: https://bit.ly/35Gls9b

FURTHER READING

You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here:  https://bit.ly/34srQ3b

“Part of why it is so hard to understand ourselves is that people are constantly doing things to us that defy the common-sense of view of how human beings might plausibly behave around people they claim to care about. We expect that those who might carry the title of mum or dad or husband or wife would, unless they had very clear reasons to do otherwise, show us kindness. And yet the brutal reality (which we must take on board for our own sanity) is that humans are frequently beset by feelings that are so intolerable and difficult, they develop urges to pass them on to others in a version of emotional pass the parcel…”


MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLself


SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/  
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife   
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ 


CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Alix Bortoli: Direction, design, edit and 
Martin Leman: animation

 
Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions
https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

We offer online psychotherapy: www.theschooloflife.com/therapy

We publish one film a week, on Wednesdays at 14.00hrs GMT.

Cruelty is often a projection

Similar ideas to Cruelty is often a projection

Naval’s Choiceless Awareness

When you’re in what seems like a negative situation, find what’s good.