People are at their most generous, funniest, and most fascinating when talking to and about their friends.There are six forces that help form friendships and maintain them through the years: accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace.

The Art Of Friendship

<ul><li>The simplest and most obvious force that forms and sustains a friendship is time spent together.</li><li>One study estimates that it takes 40 to 60 hours together within the first six weeks of meeting to turn an acquaintance into a casual friend.</li><li>So friendships unsurprisingly tend to form in places where people spend a lot of their time anyway: work, school, church, extracurricular activities.</li><li>In other circumstances, those hours get put in really quickly.</li></ul>

Force 1: Time Spent Together(Accumulation)

Paying attention goes a long way when forging unexpected friendships-noticing when you click with someone, being open to chance encounters, stepping out of our habits and into the moment.It’s never too late to meet someone who will be important to you for the rest of your life.

Force 2: Paying Attention

<ul><li>Attention only gets you so far without action.</li><li>When the opportunity arises, you have to put yourself out there.</li><li>It takes energy and thought, and our mental and physical resources are often spread thin.</li><li>Showing up for our friends takes effort, yes, but it shouldn't be drudgery. It should be a joy.</li></ul>

Force 3: The Intention

<ul><li>Rituals make keeping up with friends easier.</li><li>The effort of coordinating hangs or phone calls is the biggest barrier to seeing friends.</li><li>It's much easier when something is baked into your schedule, and all you have to do is show up.</li><li>In addition to keeping groups close, these traditions can fuel a friendship and give it a shared culture.</li></ul>

Force 4: The Ritual

<ul><li>Society has a place for friendships, and it's on the sidelines.</li><li>It takes imagination not to default to this norm.</li><li>To design your life so that friendship plays the role you really want it to.</li><li>Quieter ways of showing your friends love can still be radical.</li><li>The beauty and challenge of friendship is its diversity.</li></ul>

Force 5: Imagination

<ul><li>Friendship is flexible, and bends to fit the shape our lives need it to.</li><li>Grace is a gift so profound that it could never be earned or deserved.</li><li>Grace is the forgiveness that we offer each other when we fall short.</li><li>It creates space that creates for connections-and reconnections-that feel nothing short of miraculous.</li></ul>

Force 6: Grace

I’ve spent more than three years interviewing friends for “The Friendship Files.” Here’s what I’ve learned.

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

The Six Forces That Fuel Friendship

As more and more countries reopen their borders to eager tourists, a trendy new phrase has emerged on social media: revenge travel. The term has been used to describe trips as varied as family reunions, big splurge vacations and re-visits to favourite places."Revenge travel" is a media buzzword that originated in 2021 when the world began to reopen, and people decided to resume their travel bug after a long hiatus.

Revenge Travel

<ul><li>Many travellers report that they're taking their first big trip since the beginning of the pandemic.</li><li>Pandemic-related closures and weather difficulties meant they had to postpone multiple times.</li><li>60% of consumers had plans to travel domestically and 27% to travel internationally in 2022.</li><li>And many of these travellers are willing to spend more money on a vacation than they would have in the past.</li><li>Some people have saved up money and can now splurge on a fancier hotel, first-class airplane ticket or a spendy once-in-a-lifetime experience.</li></ul>

Making Up For Lost Time

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

remotework

Remote Work

travel

Travel

Revenge travel: How vacation vengeance became a thing

Dale Carnegie's book has sold over thirty million copies, and nearly a century later it still sells more than a quarter-million copies each year.He encourages people to listen, be interested in others, speak to them from their point of view, sincerely flatter others, seek similarity, avoid conflict, and many other things that seem obvious, but that we all routinely forget to do.However, his methods can be manipulative and lead to shallow friendships.

Friendship: How to Win Friends and Influence People

We don't want awful people to exploit our weaknesses, but the irony is that our weaknesses are where trust comes fromHow do you signal you're trustworthy? By trusting someone else.<ul><li>Vulnerability tells people they're part of an exclusive club.</li><li>Not only is vulnerability effective, but it's also not quite as dangerous as you think.</li><li>Psychology has documented the "beautiful mess effect"-that we consistently overestimate how negatively our errors will be perceived.</li><li>The occasional screw-up is a positive.</li></ul>

The Answer: Being Vulnerable

As long as you feel emotionally safe and you're getting a positive reception, share more.<ul><li>Not being vulnerable kills friendships.</li><li>Not opening up prolongs minor illnesses, increases the likelihood of a first heart attack, and doubles the chance it being lethal.</li></ul>

If It Feels Uncomfortable And Scary, Say It

Make the time, vulnerably share your thoughts, and raise the stakes.<ul><li>If all goes well, they do the same.</li><li>With trust established, we can ignore costs to a greater degree, as can they.</li><li>If they are a true friend, it will feel natural to help them when they are in need.</li></ul>

The Bottom Line

Friendship took a real beating during the pandemic. So how to we get closer to our friends and make new ones? Here's what science says...

communication

Communication

This Is How To Make Emotionally Intelligent Friendships: 2 Secrets From Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

People constantly do things to us that disregard the common sense of how people should behave around people they claim to care about. We expect people close to us to show us kindness. Yet, humans frequently have feelings that are so intolerable and complex that they develop urges to pass them on to others. Put otherwise, humans can end up behaving cruelly to soothe their own sufferings by making someone near them suffer in their stead.

Hurting loved ones

Cruelty is an attempt to make ourselves feel better by doing to someone else a version of what was done to us. A mother might hint to her daughter, "Don't ever succeed in your life as it would make me feel bad about myself." Or a father would subtly communicate to his son, "I want you to fail in your career to make me feel better about my own disappointment." Or a spouse would inject their partner with poison that carries the meaning, "I will repeatedly but subtly disrespect your intelligence to reduce the feelings of rage and powerlessness I experienced as a child."

Cruelty is often a projection

The injector might not even understand what they are doing. They may be driven to act without knowing why they are doing so. A part of self-knowledge means realising that those close to us have put some hugely damaging ideas inside us that we need to identify and correct to gain the freedom and light-heartedness we crave.

Ignorance of the injector

A surprising amount of suffering is inflicted upon us by those who ostensibly love us. An explanation can be found by understanding the psychology of cruelty. Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/3HpVdSa For books and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/3pOm1o4 Our website has classes, articles and products to help you lead a more fulfilled life: https://bit.ly/35Gls9b Join this channel to get access to exclusive members perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog/join FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/34srQ3b “Part of why it is so hard to understand ourselves is that people are constantly doing things to us that defy the common-sense of view of how human beings might plausibly behave around people they claim to care about. We expect that those who might carry the title of mum or dad or husband or wife would, unless they had very clear reasons to do otherwise, show us kindness. And yet the brutal reality (which we must take on board for our own sanity) is that humans are frequently beset by feelings that are so intolerable and difficult, they develop urges to pass them on to others in a version of emotional pass the parcel…” MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLself SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Alix Bortoli: Direction, design, edit and Martin Leman: animation Title animation produced in collaboration with Vale Productions https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

videos

Videos

A surprising amount of suffering is inflicted upon us by those who ostensibly love us. An explanation can be found by understanding the psychology of cruelty. 
Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/3HpVdSa
For books and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/3pOm1o4
Our website has therapy, articles and products to help you lead a more fulfilled life: https://bit.ly/35Gls9b

FURTHER READING

You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here:  https://bit.ly/34srQ3b

“Part of why it is so hard to understand ourselves is that people are constantly doing things to us that defy the common-sense of view of how human beings might plausibly behave around people they claim to care about. We expect that those who might carry the title of mum or dad or husband or wife would, unless they had very clear reasons to do otherwise, show us kindness. And yet the brutal reality (which we must take on board for our own sanity) is that humans are frequently beset by feelings that are so intolerable and difficult, they develop urges to pass them on to others in a version of emotional pass the parcel…”


MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLself


SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/  
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife   
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ 


CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Alix Bortoli: Direction, design, edit and 
Martin Leman: animation

 
Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions
https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

We offer online psychotherapy: www.theschooloflife.com/therapy

We publish one film a week, on Wednesdays at 14.00hrs GMT.

The School of Life

Why Our Loved Ones Hurt Us

The network effect in marketing is where an increase of users or people change the increased value proposition of the service or good. For example, as Instagram Reels, inspired by TikTok's idea of short-form entertainment content, grew in popularity, so the value of Instagram to share content and communicate new ideas increased. However, it can also create a false reality of effective customer relationship management.

The network effect

Media reports state that 80% of B2B buying decisions were based on direct and indirect communication. Only 20% were based on pricing and other logistics. In business, it's about building relationships. Yet entrepreneurs who get involved in social media marketing often forget to retain their business relationships in the real world efficiently. Millennials still prefer communication outside of your Instagram or LinkedIn story updates.

How the Network Effect impacts your business operations

Call, message or have an in-person meeting with your existing clientele. Ask them if they need assistance. Show interest in them. A chat can have a more profound effect than saying hello through your social media stories.

Reach out to your existing customers

Webinars are popular and have become the new normal.  Go to various meet and greet events in your city to network with people and use these events to reshape your existing clientele.

Show up to various networking events

If you had an interesting conversation at a networking event, send a follow-up message. Show them that you are really interested in having another discussion with them and ensure that you can add value.

Follow up with new connections

Add a personal touch to most of your social media content. Reflect your values, beliefs and mission to your community with your LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram profile.

Make your social media reflect your brand

Have a real interest in what your customers are saying. Listening can build closer relationships with your networks. Talking regularly to your customers can create a voice effect. Your customers will be able to hear your voice when they read your social media profiles.

Listen to your customers

Grow your  CRM with and without social media.

How do you build a strong CRM with and without social media?

career

Career

marketingandsales

Marketing & Sales

entrepreneurship

Entrepreneurship

startup

Startups

Is the Network Effect Impacting Your Efficiency as an Entrepreneur?

Pause and reflect on the stories that you tell yourself about networking. Do you tell yourself that networking is something you’ll do later when you have more time? That you don’t network because it’s inauthentic and fake? Or that you don’t have access to an influential network, so there’s no point in trying? The (often unconscious) stories that we tell ourselves about networking have the power to prevent us from taking the steps that help us create meaningful careers.

Rewrite your networking narrative

One of the reasons that networking feels so awkward is because most of us prefer not to think of ourselves as building relationships for the sole purpose of gaining career advantages. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel uncomfortable trying to build a relationship with someone because of what they can give you. But that feeling is built on the hidden assumption that you are only taking from the relationship and not giving to it.

Explore what you have to give

Before entering networking situations, take some time to ask yourself what you would really like to learn about this person and their experiences. Expressing genuine curiosity will allow the conversation to flow much more smoothly than if you’re faking it. This might mean doing a little bit of background research when preparing for a networking event.

Find your authentic curiosity

As you shift your networking mindset and build your skillset, you’ll probably learn what situations and strategies work best with your unique quirks. Treat the wins and the fails as valuable information in order to tailor your approach to networking to your strengths.

Play to your strengths

Overthinkers, reticent schmoozers, and wallflowers — this is for you.

The Awkward Person’s Guide to Networking

Wedding fashion seems to change constantly. What is in style and beautiful today is outdated within a year. Yet, looking over the wedding dress history, a lot was the same during the last century, even though a lot was different.

Wedding dress and fashion history 

The brides in the early 1900s wore s-shaped corsets that enhanced an hourglass shape. Long sleeves, high collar and gloves added dignity and formality. In the 1910s, dancing emerged as a wedding activity, causing slightly higher hemlines on the bride's and guests' gowns to assist with dancing. Makeup also gained popularity.

Weddings of the 1900s and 1910s

The flapper style occupies a central place in the bridal fashion of the 1920s, characterized by beautiful accessories and exaggerated Juliet veils, as well as detailed headdresses. During the Great Depression of the '30s, weddings were a humble affair featuring repurposed gowns and minimal decor.

1920s - 1930s wedding styles

Many weddings were quick affairs, and brides wore white suiting. Almost two-thirds of the grooms of this era were enlisted in the military and got married in their military attire. Wedding bands for men were new and served as a symbol of commitment for soldiers away from home.

1940s weddings were during wartime

As America emerged from WWII, weddings returned to glamour. Tiaras, ball gowns, beautiful cars and professional portraiture became trendy. Celebrity weddings offered exciting pastimes. The 1960s featured London-inspired Mod style, shortening hemlines and A-line skirts. Big hair and bubble veils completed the look for the brides and long sideburns for the grooms.

1950s and 1960s glamour weddings

The 1970s showed brides with beautiful headpieces and high-neck dresses. The grooms came into style too, with velvet tuxedos and ruffled shirts. The 1980s featured prairie-inspired silhouettes and ladylike hats.

1970s and 1980s Wedding styles

The appliqués of the 1990s brides dresses are characteristic of this era—shiny, long-sleeved ball gowns covered with sparkling, beaded lace. The 2000s shows sleek, clingy satins, cap sleeves and straight-across strapless necklines.

Brides of the 1990s and 2000s

In the 2010s, weddings and bridal fashion have embraced themes in unprecedented ways: the rustic barn, bohemian style, garden, Italian villa and high fashion. In the first decade of social media, the style of weddings has reached new heights, with people photographing weddings more than ever before.

2010s embraced themes

Wedding dress and fashion history has sure changed a lot over the years, from corsets to beaded lace, and everything in between.

history

History

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

fashion

Fashion & Beauty

moneyandinvestments

Money & Investments

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

The Complete History of Wedding Dresses, Suits & Other Fashion

In the 12th century, Italian jurists rediscovered Justinian's compilation of Roman law. This started a new legal scholarship in Europe that flourished and evolved into the ius commune - a shared legal tradition that combined Roman and canon law into a common system of legal thought. During the 17th and 18th century, the Dutch jurists created ways to incorporate the local customary law within a classical Roman framework. The Dutch system of law was exported to its colonies, where it was dominated by the Roman-Dutch tradition of the time.

The beginning of the Roman-Dutch legal tradition

In 1809, the early modern system in the Netherland was replaced by laws based on the French civil code. However, the Roman-Dutch law remained part of the legal systems of many other countries as they moved from Dutch to British colonial rule and then to independence. Most notably are countries like South Africa and Sri Lanka, but also Indonesia, Zimbabwe, Namibia, Swaziland, and Lesotho.

The Roman-Dutch law remains part of many countries

The Roman-Dutch Legal Tradition | Berkeley Law

Time moves slower the closer you are to Earth. In his theory of general relativity, Einstein explained that the gravity of a large mass, like Earth, distorts the space and time around it.
In 2010, researchers placed two precise atomic clocks, one 33 centimetres higher than the other. Time moved slower for the clock closer to Earth. This confirmed that absolute time does not exist.

Absolute time does not exist

If one looks at reality on the smallest scale, using equations of quantum gravity, time vanishes. However, we still perceive time as moving forward sequentially.
Key aspects of time are described by the second law of thermodynamics, which states that heat always passes from hot to cold. Ice cubes melt in hot water, never in reverse. A similar phenomenon might explain why we can only perceive the past, not the future.

Physics without time

Time passes differently in our mind. When we get a fright, large amounts of adrenaline released in our brain would speed up our internal clock and cause us to experience life as moving slowly.
The biggest factor influencing your time perception is attention. The more attention you give to the passage of time, the slower time seems to go. If you are distracted by something interesting, you're more likely to lose track of time.

Time is subjective

Since Einstein posited his theory of general relativity, we've understood that gravity has the power to warp space and time.This "time dilation" effect occurs even at small levels. Outside of physics, we experience distortions in how we perceive time — sometimes to a startling extent. Carlo Rovelli explains the nature of time in his most recent book, "The Order of Time".

timemanagement

Time Management

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

‘Time is elastic’: Why time passes faster atop a mountain than at sea level

People tend to procrastinate to avoid emotionally unpleasant tasks - so they choose to focus on something that provides a temporary mood boost. 
This creates a vicious cycle: procrastination itself causes shame and guilt — which in turn leads people to procrastinate even further.

Procrastination as a coping mechanism

Progress on our goals feeds our well-being. So the most important thing to do is bootstrap a little progress: get a little progress, and that’s going to fuel your well-being and your motivation.

The science behind getting started

This is a self-regulatory strategy in the form of an "if-then plan": "If the phone rings, then I’m not going to answer it." "If my friends call me to say we’re going out, I’m going to say no." So you’ve already made these pre-commitments.

Implementation intentions  for better focus

Tax Day is a horror for many procrastinators. For many people, a little procrastination isn't harmful - like 15 minutes lost in Facebook or putting off doing the laundry for a few days. But then there are things like taxes. And all the people who keep meaning to start saving for retirement, but never do.

The Six Forces That Fuel Friendship

Revenge travel: How vacation vengeance became a thing

This Is How To Make Emotionally Intelligent Friendships: 2 Secrets From Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Why Our Loved Ones Hurt Us

Is the Network Effect Impacting Your Efficiency as an Entrepreneur?

Zara Michaels