We tend to respond to people using the same tone they use to speak to us.
If you need to have an emotionally charged conversation, speak in a way that's calm and collected. And if a discussion begins to escalate, focus on softening your tone or lowering your voice; others are likely to mimic you.
Our emotions are an integral part of our lives. They protect us by alerting us to danger. They add color to our lives and help us find meaning to our existence. In my forthcoming book, I compare our control center to a media player.
But we can control our reactions to those feelings.
By increasing our awareness of emotions and their effects, and then focusing on our thoughts, we can learn to manage our emotional reactions effectively.
The pause button. Create a habit of thoughtful action. Train yourself to take a moment to stop and think before you act or speak.
Volume control. Train yourself to recognise when your volume is starting to go up.
The tuning dial. As you'd change the film or change the channel, instead of focusing on what you're going to say next, tune in to the other person and listen carefully with the goal to truly understand them.
Mute. Hit the mute button if the other person is in a highly emotional state because sharing your point of view won't help at that moment.
Record. As you stay on mute, focus on mentally recording key points they're willing to share to help you learn more about their perspective.
Playback. Emotionally charged discussions are often rooted in deep-seated issues. Revisit the topic once both parties have had the time to cool down.
Fast forward. Think about the effects your actions will have in the long run.
It turns out that you can train yourself to better understand your own emotions, control them and make other people want to work with you more.This sort of training creates more successful employees and managers. So much so that Google sponsored a program to help increase the emotional intelligence...
There was a man riding on a horse. When a man walking on the road asks him where he is going, the rider replies, “Why are you asking me? You should ask the horse.”
The ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions. -Salovey and Mayer (1990)
What makes a great leader? Knowledge, smarts and vision, to be sure. To that, Daniel Goleman, author of "Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence," would add the ability to identify and monitor emotions - your own and others' - and to manage relationships.
Knowledge, smarts and vision are characteristic of a great leader. Add to these the ability to identify and monitor emotions (your own and others) and to manage relationships.