It is true that nobody wishes to be disliked. But look at it this way: What should one do to not be disliked by anyone? There is only one answer: It is to constantly gauge other people’s feelings, while swearing loyalty to all of them. If there are ten people then you have to swear loyalty to all of them. When you do that, disapproval by someone is inevitable. You’re nothing but a politician who has fallen into populism, you have no stand but to please other people's needs.The real Freedom is being disliked by other people. It is proof that you’re being your authentic self

What is Real Freedom?

We come into this universe as helpless beings and we all have a universal desire to escape that helpless state. Adler called this pursuit of superiority.In The pursuit of superiority, we are constantly suffering from feelings of inferiority. The pursuit of superiority and the feeling of inferiority are not problems or diseases.

The Pursuit of Superiority

Sometimes we lose the courage to move forward and cling on to our current familiar state. We cannot accept the fact that our lives can be changed by making realistic efforts. When people give up without even trying and say things like” I am not that smart, so I won’t succeed. I am not that good looking enough so I won't be able to become an actor. I don’t have this so I can’t do that. I don't have A, so I can't do B. Inferiority complex is a serious condition where a person gives up without even trying.

What Is an inferiority complex?

Alfred Adler was a physician, psychotherapist, and the founder of Adlerian psychology, sometimes called Individual Psychology which is also called the psychology of courage. Adler is often considered one of the big three founders of psychotherapy alongside Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung.Adlerian psychology emphasizes the importance of overcoming feelings of inferiority and gaining a sense of belonging in order to achieve success and happiness.

Who was Adler?

I am not saying start doing things that everyone dislikes. Just be courageous enough to do what you do despite being disliked, only then you can truly achieve real freedom in this world. Courage is not about becoming indifferent to dislike or disapproval but more like moving ahead while acknowledging the opposing force. That is the psychology of courage by Alfred Adler.

The Psychology of Courage

It is a tool which is of great use when you’re about to do something you have never done. Self-affirmation is making suggestions such as I can do it or I am strong even when I am not sure if I can or can’t.

Self-affirmation 

Sometimes in life, You will feel like you’re not enough, you’re not worth it, you're an unwanted loser etc. These feelings are termed feelings of inferiority in Adlerian psychology. Do not fear these emotions, these feelings of inferiority serve you immensely. The point is not to get rid of these emotions. The point is to acknowledge them and keep striving despite feeling like not enough. That's the purpose of all these emotions, to push you forward. They are like a launchpad.  Even the most successful person is constantly suffering from these feelings of inferiority.

Why do we dislike ourselves?

According to Adlerian psychology, A healthy feeling of inferiority doesn’t come from comparing yourself to others, but from comparing yourself to your ideal self. So Make a rule: I will not compare myself to others because it is unhealthy to do so.

Healthy feelings of inferiority

You’re so hung up on what you don’t have, that you forget how to make the most of what you have. It’s this perspective of lack or victim mentality that is stopping your growth. I am not saying there are no victims, there are definitely victims. So many terrible things happening all around the world. But With this mindset, you won’t be able to grow as a person. We waste so much of our time and energy by fixating on things that can never be changed. Why not focus on things that we can change. This leads me to one of my favourite quotes of all time.

Your Life Is Decided Here and Now

Some people deal with dislike or disapproval in a very different way they would start a fight or an argument. This implies that you’re a tyrant and won't tolerate any opposing force, this is not a solution either. The most ideal way is to be okay with it, Just Have the courage to be disliked.

So What you should do if someone dislikes you?

God grants me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to tell the difference.

This is when I had a major epiphany and I truly realized the real meaning of Self-acceptance. So self-acceptance is: It’s okay for you to be you, not just the way you’re.Because You could be so much more, you can be incomparably better across multi-dimension and in pursuing that better you will find the real meaning of life.

Self-acceptance

So I have heard people say this many times before that my only competition is with me, I only compete with myself but I never truly understood why someone wouldn’t wanna compete with anyone else. Actually, This phrase reflects the true meaning of self-acceptance and healthy feelings of inferiority.

I only compete with myself 

<ul><li>We live in a world where people are so afraid of being disliked that They would rather change their whole personality than accept the fact that there are people who dislike them. </li><li>Just by this deep-rooted desire to be liked by everyone Sometimes we even choose a career we do not want and we choose to hang out with people we barely could stand. And for what?</li><li> Even then, there are people who dislike you and there are people who dislike me.</li></ul>

The Courage to be Disliked

This is one of the reasons why you should have the best version of yourself in writing so you can compare and see, Am I there yet. Do this thing today when you’re free. Write down the best version of yourself, Be as specific as you can be like: My ideal self is Financially independent or Financially abundant, Highly skilled in such and such things, Fit in physique, He or she has this much money in his or her account, Family can rely on him or her. Whatever it is that you see in your best version of yourself, Write it down.

Best version of yourself

I know you have gone down this road many times before so Let’s play this game again for the sake of this discussion. If only I were born as him or her or even in better financial circumstances, my life would be so much better. He or she has it so easy, Why am I the only one who is suffering?When you say if only I were him or her my life would have been so much better. It means that you’re not happy now, right? Say you could snap your fingers to become whoever you want to become, I bet you’d still feel the same way, not in the right body or circumstances.

If only I were born in better circumstances.

Because These ideas changed my whole perspective of life and I started making efforts towards my goals. This book answered a lot of my questions which several adults failed to answer correctly.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Personal Development

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Books

A single book can change your life. Already an enormous bestseller in Asia, with more than 3 million copies sold, The Courage to be Disliked demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, it follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own lives, free of the shackles of past experiences, doubts and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that's deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefited from its wisdom. Now that The Courage to be Disliked has been published for the first time in English, so can you

Ichiro KISHIMI Philosopher, Adlerian psychologist and translator of English and German languages. Born in 1956.M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University. He presently teaches educational psychology and clinical psychology at Meiji School of Oriental Medicine in Suita, Osaka. Kishimi now has his own private counseling office in Kameoka, Kyoto, and devotes his time to giving lectures on Adlerian Psychology and child education.

Ichiro Kishimi

Fumitake Koga is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Fumitake Koga has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Fumitake Koga's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

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