Learn more about personaldevelopment with this collection
How to communicate effectively with difficult people
How to handle conflict
How to stay calm under pressure
Scorekeeping
While reciprocity does make people more likely to comply with the request, it also makes us feel controlled, which takes all the fun out of it.
Reminding someone that they owe you a favor does not create good feelings. Scorekeeping is fundamentally bad for relationships.
129
333 reads
MORE IDEAS ON THIS
A small favor
One common tactic is to portray the help we need as so small, that it is barely a favor. "Would you add these updates to the database? It won’t take you more than five minutes.”
It is conveying that you think the work the other person does is easy, quick, trivial and not very taxing....
133
313 reads
"You're going to love helping me!"
Don't try and convince someone how much they will enjoy helping you. It reeks of control and is presumptive. It drains their joy out of helping.
How they feel is for them to decide.
145
520 reads
Focus on the benefactor
The motivation to be helpful is tied to your helper’s identity and self-esteem. People help because they want to be admired.
- Other-praising (Acknowledging and validating the character or abilities of the giver.) “You go out of your way …” or “I feel like you’re really...
143
364 reads
Related collections
Other curated ideas on this topic:
Reminding People That They Owe You One
If you have to remind someone that they owe you one, chances are they don’t feel as if they do. Reminding them that they owe you a favor both makes the other person feel as if you’re trying to control them and it makes the other person feel as if you’re keeping a scorecard, and that’s fund...
Why worry interferes with problem-solving
While anxiety is normal when you first identify a threat, it's not helpful when you're trying to solve a problem.
- Worrying makes us feel bad, that can cloud our judgment.
- When we worry, it takes a lot of mental effort to sto...
Finding A Mentor: The Ask
Most of us are afraid to ask a would-be mentor for an initial meeting, due to a fear of rejection. It can feel intimidating, especially if the person isn’t someone who knows you well.
- Take some pressure off by reminding yourself that even the would-be mentor could have had mentors in...
Read & Learn
20x Faster
without
deepstash
with
deepstash
with
deepstash
Personalized microlearning
—
100+ Learning Journeys
—
Access to 200,000+ ideas
—
Access to the mobile app
—
Unlimited idea saving
—
—
Unlimited history
—
—
Unlimited listening to ideas
—
—
Downloading & offline access
—
—
Supercharge your mind with one idea per day
Enter your email and spend 1 minute every day to learn something new.
I agree to receive email updates