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Stoic Insights for Happier Relationships
“…If a man can reduce his needs to zero, he is truly free: there is nothing that can be taken from him and nothing anyone can do to hurt him.”
John Boyd
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Key Ideas
The Stoic State of Apatheia
The Stoics had an ideal but misunderstood mental state they were pursuing in life: The state of Apatheia.
Apatheia means being undisturbed by lesser emotions, and when we have taken into account everything that is in our lives, we can let go of some things, even if they seem valuable to others.
John Boyd
“…If a man can reduce his needs to zero, he is truly free: there is nothing that can be taken from him and nothing anyone can do to hurt him.”
Accepting and Letting Go
Apatheia is a mental state where we are not letting daily annoyances, circumstances, events, and even our passions affect our inner core being.
We are accepting that losses and bad events will happen, we are able to love and be with our loved ones while they are still around us. The present moment and all its riches are understood once the future loss is also taken into account.
The Ideas State
Apatheia is an ideal state, a lofty goal, something to strive for.
A seemingly impossible goal has a tendency to kick us into accomplishing something great. We strive to be better, and grander, and therefore we forego a mediocre life and find ourselves better than we were.
Curiosity
When someone is genuinely curious and asks us careful and compassionate questions, it makes that person positively memorable.
Once there is no malice or evil intent in the questions or any hidden agenda, or ego, then the really curious person starts making connections and meaningful relationships.
The Choice of Life
If we have a life of Curiosity without any Growth, it brings pain and regret. If we have a life of Growth, without any Curiosity, then we are following a rigid path with zero exploration.
The life journey of Curiosity + Growth provides us with a satisfying, meaningful and rewarding life experience.
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Epictetus
“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will—then your life will flow well.”
Suffering and Desire
Buddha taught that there is suffering in this world, it is inevitable, and the root cause of suffering is mainly the desires we feel.
We want something, always, and feel miserable when we don't get it.
Stoicism teaches us to live in accordance with nature and to accept that suffering will manifest in different ways in our lives.
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