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My dad taught me how to deal with bullies, because he was one
It’s not about you
Bullies live with their own history that may contribute to their actions. While bullying is painful to you, it is more about them than about you.
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Bullying: a form of violence
Bullying is intended to dominate a victim into submission.
When we're under attack, our rational minds shut down and move into the fight-or-flight mode. When we can't fight or run away, we freeze or surrender.
Workplace bullying
Bullying in the business world is more masked:
- Taking credit for others' work.
- Shaming others in public.
- Inventing faults to accuse team members when superiors are around.
- Concerned with building a reputation as a hard-driving manager that is focused on continuous improvement.
The staff members usually resort to passivity to survive. It is true that people leave bosses, not jobs.
Bullying to seem smart
A colleague may use their position of authority to demean and dominate others. They may seem poised and confident and can be responsible for substantial billings. But little cracks start showing when coworkers become hesitant to work with the person or even threaten to leave.
Coworkers note that she is superior and disdainful, and ignores comments. No-one may critique her solution. She rolls her eyes when they speak up.
Hiding insecurities
Some bullies deceitfully take control and undermine colleagues because of a lack of confidence.
They make commitments to clients without consulting their team and justify their actions for circumventing the team. Meanwhile, coworkers feel powerless, forced to submit to the bully's way of doing things.
It’s not about you
Bullies live with their own history that may contribute to their actions. While bullying is painful to you, it is more about them than about you.
Observe, plan, escape
Recognize the behavior you're experiencing for what it is. Then strategically plan your escape. Commit not to stay with the abuse indefinitely.
Finding support
Bullies can leave you feeling ashamed or unworthy. The tendency is to isolate yourself so others don't see that. But this will drive you only deeper into submission.
Seeking help from trusted friends, peers, or a professional can help you find a way forward. If you decide to report the bully, choose an authority that has the resources to assist you, even confidentially, and won't escalate the problem.
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