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My dad taught me how to deal with bullies, because he was one

https://www.fastcompany.com/40577319/my-dad-taught-me-how-to-deal-with-bullies-because-he-was-one

fastcompany.com

My dad taught me how to deal with bullies, because he was one
"Teddy, what's three times five?" It's asked in a voice I can't ignore. "Fifteen." "And what's four times five?" More demanding now. "Twenty," I say, dreading the next question, knowing exactly where he's going with this. Knowing, too, that tears are about to spill. They do. "Okay crybaby, what's four times six?"

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Bullying: a form of violence

Bullying: a form of violence

Bullying is intended to dominate a victim into submission.

When we're under attack, our rational minds shut down and move into the fight-or-flight mode. When we can't fight or run away, we freeze or surrender.

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Workplace bullying 

Bullying in the business world is more masked:

  • Taking credit for others' work. 
  • Shaming others in public.
  • Inventing faults to accuse team members when superiors are around.
  • Concerned with building a reputation as a hard-driving manager that is focused on continuous improvement.

The staff members usually resort to passivity to survive. It is true that people leave bosses, not jobs.

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Bullying to seem smart

A colleague may use their position of authority to demean and dominate others. They may seem poised and confident and can be responsible for substantial billings. But little cracks start showing when coworkers become hesitant to work with the person or even threaten to leave.

Coworkers note that she is superior and disdainful, and ignores comments. No-one may critique her solution. She rolls her eyes when they speak up.

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Hiding insecurities

Some bullies deceitfully take control and undermine colleagues because of a lack of confidence. 

They make commitments to clients without consulting their team and justify their actions for circumventing the team. Meanwhile, coworkers feel powerless, forced to submit to the bully's way of doing things.

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It’s not about you

Bullies live with their own history that may contribute to their actions. While bullying is painful to you, it is more about them than about you.

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Observe, plan, escape

Recognize the behavior you're experiencing for what it is. Then strategically plan your escape. Commit not to stay with the abuse indefinitely.

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Finding support

Bullies can leave you feeling ashamed or unworthy. The tendency is to isolate yourself so others don't see that. But this will drive you only deeper into submission.

Seeking help from trusted friends, peers, or a professional can help you find a way forward. If you decide to report the bully, choose an authority that has the resources to assist you, even confidentially, and won't escalate the problem.

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Confront Bullies, Safely

Confront Bullies, Safely

Manipulators become bullies when they intimidate or harms others, and pick on people they perceive as weaker. But standing up to bullies often cause them to retreat. 

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Set Consequences

When a psychological manipulator insists on violating your boundaries, and won’t take “no” for an answer, deploy consequence.

Effectively articulated, consequence gives pause to the manipulative individual, and compels her or him to shift from violation to respect.

Know How To Say “No”

Diplomatically but firmly. A well articulated “no” allows you to stand your ground while maintaining a workable relationship. 

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Ancestry testing

DNA-testing is done by millions of people all over the world to analyze their DNA and find out where they originate.

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DNA home tests

Some problems arise regarding DNA home tests about what happens after the results of land.

  • Storage of sensitive genetic information. An open-source DNA testing site was recently used by the police to identify a killer.
  • Emotional side effects after receiving confusing or life-changing results.

DNA home test variances

Many who have done a DNA home test begin to question their family heritage and wonder if they might have been misled. However, taking DNA tests from different companies reveal wildly varying results. There are a few reasons for this: 

  • The companies are only looking at very recent DNA samples, from a relatively small group, in one specific database.
  • The databases are skewed towards different parts of the world. Some have more American customers and other more British or Australian customers.
  • These companies don't ask about the genetics of the past, and which of those past inferred genetic clusters we get our ancestry from.
  • We probably inherit very few genes from our ancestors. DNA is inherited in “chunks” that break up the further back in time you go.
  • There are ancestors from whom you inherit no DNA.

Align your decisions with your vision

Find the right people to bring on board and the best strategies or tools to use. Be very clear about why you are creating your product.

Develop a presales waiting list 

.... with your early supporters. Get people excited in advance. There is a risk if the production run goes south, but this is a good way to pay for early production costs.

You can’t take “no” for an answer

Just because somebody tells you no, that’s their limitation.

Just keep pressing forward until you feel you’ve come to the end of the path, but do not let the end of your path be because someone else does not believe in your idea.