Expressing anger - Deepstash

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Expressing anger

"You have to express your anger to release it" is a myth. Research shows that expressing your anger only makes it stronger. Turning away from it by doing nothing or distracting yourself leads to less intense anger.

Try to address the source of the anger, not the anger itself. For instance, if you're frustrated with your co-worker for being late again with their monthly report, have a respectful and honest conversation to solve the situation.

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MORE IDEAS FROM THE SAME ARTICLE

Anger leads us to poor decisions, regrettable behavior, or hurt feelings. However, some anger leads to more significant consequences, like strained relationships or legal trouble.

Most people assume they should manage their anger, but trying to control their anger only makes it stronger. When they fail:

  • Impatience. We become impatient when we have a specific timeline in mind for something, and others disregard that timeline. 
  • Passive-aggressive communication. When we want to make someone feel bad but want to appear good at the same time. The most common form is sarcasm...

  • Anger makes you feel morally superior. Every time you criticize someone, the implication is that you're better. He’s such an idiot… (but I’m pretty smart).
  • Anger makes you feel in control. It gives you the illusion of control, like you're doing something and maki...

This actually makes it harder to control your aggression.

It is misleading to think of anger as a negative emotion. A hot pan on the stove isn’t bad or negative just because it leads to you feeling pain when you accidentally rest your thumb on it. It is a good thing because it alerts your body to a dangerous situation.

Anger is an emotion, while aggression is a behavior. They differ entirely in one central dimension - control.

While you can't control your emotions of anger directly, you have control over your aggression, which is a decision to express your anger.

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