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On Marrying the Wrong Person
Two Kinds of Decision Making
If we 'marry' the two kinds of decision making, the process of rational analysis, where we objectively understand the other person, with the feeling of love, then we can ask ourselves the right questions, and go towards something that can last.
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Key Ideas
The faulty logic
We usually consider moving into marriage in an attempt to preserve and prolong the happy romantic feelings that characterize the early stages of almost all relationships.
But in most cases, ther...
Unrealistic expectations
The gap between expectation and reality is the cause for many of life’s disappointments.
We like to create detailed fantasies of how our lives are going to be. But when we expect our reality to match a fantasy but life turns out nothing like it, we feel disappointed.
Asking the right questions
"Are you the right person for me?" is the wrong question to ask, because nothing outside of ourselves can fix us or bring us happiness.
A more constructive question to ask would be "Can I accommodate your imperfections with humor and grace?"
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Key Ideas
Free And Lonely
Most Americans of this generation are now more free than the earlier generations. They are free and spoilt for choice to date, marry, divorce or have casual sexual encounters.
The price of...
Modern Dating Scene
Mark Regnerus provides some insights into the modern dating scene:
- A casual relationship is now preferred to a committed one.
- Sex is now a field for marketers to provide products and services.
- It takes considerably less time, effort and risk for one to get sexual gratification through online dating or porn.
Marriage is now an Option
Youngsters are now wary of a life-long relationship and consider it as an option.
- One-third of people who are in their twenties may never marry.
- The increase of freedom to romance has changed the definition of romance.
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Key Ideas
Self-understanding
To make a marriage work, you have to be the right person.
Rather than looking for the right partner, become aware of your blind spots, growing edges and vulnerabilities. Take r...
You can’t avoid marital conflict
Blaming, oversimplifying, and seeing oneself as a victim are all common traits of unhappy couples and failed marriages.
Conflicts should be approached by looking together at the problem.
A good marriage takes skill
Most of us don’t have adequate communication skills going into marriage. It is important to build this skill.