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Tapping into the power of humble narcissism

Narcissist and humble leaders

Narcissists believe they're unique and superior, while humble leaders know they're flawed. 

The humble narcissist has grand ambitions but doesn't feel entitled to them. He is also willing to acknowledge his weaknesses and learn from his mistakes.

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Tapping into the power of humble narcissism

Tapping into the power of humble narcissism

https://ideas.ted.com/tapping-into-the-power-of-humble-narcissism/

ideas.ted.com

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Key Ideas

The humble narcissist

Researchers studied whether customer service employees were more productive under narcissistic or humble leaders.

The least effective bosses were narcissists. Humble bosses were a bit more productive. But the best leaders were a combination: the humble narcissists.

Narcissist and humble leaders

Narcissists believe they're unique and superior, while humble leaders know they're flawed. 

The humble narcissist has grand ambitions but doesn't feel entitled to them. He is also willing to acknowledge his weaknesses and learn from his mistakes.

Narcissism and confidence

We're all drawn to someone who shows confidence - that is the reason that narcissists are more likely to be promoted or get elected to political office. But on its own, narcissism is dangerous. It tends to promote overconfidence and it dismisses the criticism.

Adding humility to narcissism prevents capriciousness and complacency. It helps you remember that you’re human.

Humility about your ideas

Admitting the flaws of your ideas makes it tougher for others to come up with their own objections, often resulting in proposing solutions to your problems.

Yet, when we pitch ideas, we worry that they're fragile and we don't want to shoot ourselves in the foot. When we acknowledge our limitations, we seem more credible and trustworthy.

Performance humility

Performance humility is admitting that you fall short and make mistakes.

Those who seek negative feedback get better performance reviews. It means that they want to learn, and they put themselves in a stronger position to learn.

Cultural humility

When we focus on hiring people who fit the culture, we end up with people who are similar to us. That prevents the diversity of thought and background.

Cultural humility means recognizing that your culture has room for growth. It's the humility to hire people who will stretch and enrich the culture that may miss certain elements.

Success and the narcissist

The humble narcissist believes they can do extraordinary things but know they always have something to learn.

Even if you don’t start your career as a narcissist, success can make you over-confident. Maintaining humility requires you to have people around you that keep you accountable and are willing to tell you the truth.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Narcissists

They have inflated views of themselves (they think they are better than they actually are).

They make fantastic first impressions. But the stuff that works for narcissists so well in the sho...

Don't deal with them

Narcissists lack empathy, they usually don’t work hard, and in a few weeks to a few months, they make the people around them miserable. And narcissism is very hard to change. So, if at all possible, just stay away.

Kiss Up Or Shut Up

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein recommends you kiss up to them or at least keep your mouth shut until you can get out of there.

There’s this concept called “narcissistic injury.” Pointing out a narcissist isn’t all they think they are can be like pulling the pin on a grenade. A grenade you have to see every day of your life.

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Superiority and entitlement

The world of the narcissist is all about good/bad, superior/inferior, and right/wrong. There is a definite hierarchy, with the narcissist at the top—which is the only place he feels safe. 

Exaggerated need for attention

Narcissists need constant attention—even following you around the house or constantly saying something to grab your attention. 

Despite all their self-absorbed, grandiose bragging, narcissists are actually very insecure and fearful of not measuring up. They constantly try to elicit praise and approval from others to shore up their fragile egos, but no matter how much they've received, they always want more.

Perfectionism

Narcissists believe they should be perfect, you should be perfect, events should happen exactly as expected, and life should play out precisely as they envision it. 

The demand for unattainable perfection leads the narcissist to complain and be constantly dissatisfied.

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Loves to Talk About Oneself

A pathological narcissist loves to talk about himself, often in exaggerated and grandiose terms. 

Common conversational topics for narcissists include accomplishments and achievem...

Charming with a Catch

Many narcissists can come across as alluring and attractive, especially during the initial stages of a relationship.

While there’s nothing wrong inherently with being charming and romantic, the narcissist crafts these traits in order to use others. He or she is not really interested in you, but only in what he wants to extract from you.

Lack of Reliability and Follow Through

Many narcissists lack reliability and follow through. This can range from regularly breaking appointments, to habitually falling through on promises and agreements.

When you observe a pattern of inconsistency between what your partner says, versus what she or he actually does, you may be dealing with a narcissist.

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Humble Leaders

Research shows that humble leaders improve the performance of a company, creating more collaborative environments. They are balanced, appreciative and open to new ideas and feedback. They kn...

Charismatic Leaders

Charismatic professionals execute a certain magnetism and presence that automatically lead others to endorse them as leaders.

They have high levels of energy, unconventional behaviour and seem to be doing heroic deeds. We seem to be hardwired to seek and endorse over-glorified 'Superhero' like leaders.

Narcissist Leaders

Charismatic leaders can also be narcissists in some cases, having self-serving and grandiose intentions, taking advantage of their followers and abusing their power.

Even though they are generally perceived as arrogant, their bold vision and fearless attitude make them radiate an image of effective leaders, making them a high-risk, high-reward proposition.

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People that cause grief
People that cause grief

We all know a few people that cause grief, not merely because they have a bad day but because they have severe problems and are unwilling to change.

We can learn enough to recognize i...

High-conflict people (HCP)
  1. Narcissistic HCPs: They may seem charming at first but think themselves to be superior. They insult, humiliate, mislead, and lack empathy while demanding respect and attention.
  2. Borderline HCPs: They start out friendly but can suddenly change into being extremely angry. During this rage, they may seek revenge for minor insults.
  3. Antisocial (or Sociopathic/Psychopathic) HCPs There extreme charm is a cover for their drive to dominate others through lying, stealing, publicly humiliating people, physically injuring them, and sometimes murdering them.

While these are disorders and these people are suffering, mental health professionals would advise you to keep your distance from them, if at all possible.

Behavior Patterns Of HCP

Everybody has bad days or weeks. To tell if someone is a High Conflict Person, we can look for four traits of behavior.

  1. Lots of all-or-nothing thinking: When problems arise, it is their solution or no solution. They don't compromise or listen to different points of view.
  2. Intense or unmanaged emotions: HCPs become very emotional about their points of view. Their responses are out of proportion to whatever is happening.
  3. Extreme behavior or threats: They engage in extreme negative behavior that includes physical harm, spreading lies about someone else, emotional manipulation, or obsessive contact.
  4. A preoccupation with blaming others: They frequently blame other people close to them or people in authority over them.

Nobody is perfect, but if someone has all four traits, they almost certainly are an HCP.

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Mindfulness at work
Mindfulness at work

Means being consciously present in what you’re doing, while you’re doing it, as well as managing your mental and emotional state. 

If you’re writing a report, mindfulness requires...

1 min/session

That’s the minimum required for a mini-mediation.

Just focus on your sense. You don’t need to close your eyes. You don’t even need to be sitting down.

Use Mindful Reminders

You can use interruptions as hooks to make you more mindful.

Every time your phone rings, take a mindful breath. Every time you hear the ping of a text message, pause to be mindful of your surroundings rather than immediately reacting by checking the message. 

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