(and learn to read others)﻿Everyone wears a mask to present themselves to others. We want to look good, but our real feelings show up through (mostly unconscious) body language. Pay attention to non-verbal cues and don’t get lost in your own internal dialogueSigns of dislike or displeasure include: •	Eyes narrowing, lips pursing, arms folding•	Tension, coldness, or silenceSigns that the other person likes you include: •	A relaxed and open posture•	A smile that touches the eyes•	Pupil dilation

Law of role-playing - Present yourself better

1.	Look deeply into the layers of your character. 2.	Be honest about your primal inclinations, strengths and weaknesses, flaws and mistakes3.	Cultivate traits like resilience, attention to detail, the ability to finish tasks and work with others4.	Improve your habits—the only layer you can control—to shape your character

Develop a superior character

“Irrationality is a function of the structure of our brains and is wired into our very nature by the way we process emotions”<ul><li>Law of irrationality - Master Your Emotions</li></ul>We humans think that we are in control, but what drives us are our emotions. We follow our emotional impulses to seek pleasure and avoid pain. We tend to feel an emotion before we interpret it consciously, as different parts of our brain control these two functions. Become aware of your irrationality, then practice introspection and reflection to manage your emotions.

Free yourself

the positive aspects of your assertive energy	1.	Be aware of your own aggressive tendencies	2.	Be relentlessly persistent in trying new angles until you achieve your goal.	3.	Have the childlike fearlessness to ask or push for what you want. Assert yourself in small things then ramp it up.	4.	Direct your anger toward real, specific problems to be solved.

Use controlled aggression to harness

1.	Define a collective purposeClearly state and publicize this. 2.	Assemble the right team.Look for people with complementary strengths but diverse skills, temperaments, and backgrounds.3.	Encourage a free flow of ideas and information up and down the line.4.	Infect the group with productive emotions. Get people to focus on meaningful and concrete tasks.5.	Challenge members to see how they respond. Push them to work together under stress.

Build a healthy group

“If you come across any special trait of meanness or stupidity… you must be careful not to let it annoy or distress you, but to look upon it merely as an addition to your knowledge”﻿Humans act instinctively in certain ways because of how our brains are wired after millions of years of evolution. By understanding why people behave the way they do, you can become a better judge of character, manage your thought patterns, stay calm and strategic, and motivate or influence others more effectively.

Understanding Humanity

People who are confident tend to be relaxed, move more freely, and make eye contact. Insecure people are more hesitant, speak in higher pitches, and avoid eye contact.People who are hiding something tend to become extra-animated, unusually chatty, or forceful.

“When choosing people to work and associate with, do not be mesmerized by their reputation or taken in by the surface image they try to project. Instead, train yourself to look deep within them and see their character.”

Understand others

•	The subtle-superiority strategy: always turning up late with an excuse and insincere apology	•	The sympathy strategy: playing the victim but secretly relishing the pain or drama 	•	The dependence strategy: offering concern and help, then withdrawing them later

Examples of passive-aggressive strategies include: 

1.	Childhood memories - Cause strong positive or negative feelings2.	Sudden wins or losses - Cause extreme optimism or pessimism3.	Extreme stress - Changes our behavior4.	Narcissistic individuals - Causes strong feelings in us and others5.	Large groups - Causes infectious emotions

The inflaming factors that can intensify emotions are: 

1.	Get closer to those you envy You’ll see that they also have problems	2.	Counter envy with gratitude Compare yourself with those who have less than you	3.	Actively cultivate empathy in your day-to-day life Tell yourself to feel joy for other people’s fortune - don’t just congratulate them	4.	Transform envy into emulation Use it as a motivating force for excellence	5.	Find happiness and satisfaction outside of your own successes Celebrate and admire nature or human greatness

Move beyond envy

1.	Think about possible chain reactions for every action.	2.	Step back to regain perspective.	3.	Draw up a ladder of your values and priorities. Refocus your time and energy accordingly. When you feel lost in trivialities use your ladder of priorities to weed out nonessentials.	4.	If you are chasing and reacting to instantaneous updates, refocus on your long-term goals and stick to them.

Keep your long-term goals in sight

We can empathize naturally when we are not self-absorbed. We need attention to grow our self-worth, but we can’t rely on it alone, or we become narcissists.Deep narcissists take everything personally, demand control and attention in their relationships, and are expert manipulators.Healthy narcissists direct their sensitivity to others through empathy or to their work through creativity.

Law of narcissism - Become empathetic

•	A sudden change in your status	•	Having talents that elevate you above others	•	Being a woman who rises to success

Situations that often trigger active envy in others include: 

We like to believe that we’re independent and progressive, but we can’t help conforming with our groups: we unconsciously imitate others and are influenced by their reactions and opinions.

Law of conformity - be aware of how we change in groups

There are some common dynamics you may notice in groups:	•	A culture or spirit is based on a shared ideal.	•	Rules and codes define what is acceptable.	•	A hierarchy:	◦	Alpha and sub-leaders whom people try to get close to	◦	The Intriguer (seems loyal but is secretly amassing power)	◦	The Stirrer (hides his envy to spread discord)	◦	The Gatekeeper (uses his position to monopolize information and isolate the leader)	•	At least one group enemy that they resist.	•	As a group gets bigger, factions emerge with their own interests

Here’s how we are individually influenced by groups:	•	We change our appearances or adopt the group’s ideas, beliefs and values because of our desire to fit in.	•	We perform the roles expected of us as team members. 	•	We try to minimize our flaws and present our strengths.	•	We’re infected by their emotions, especially fear and anxiety.	•	We feel hyper-certain about an idea that the group is certain about, even though we’d have doubted it on our own.

“Be a master observer of aggression so you can identify and manage chronic aggressors. These types of people tend to have lots of enemies, present themselves as a crusader or eccentric genius, or have obsessive habits. Focus on their real goals instead of their false fronts, outwit them instead of using direct confrontation, and temporarily cross the lines yourself if need be.”

Our character is deeply ingrained and compels us to act in unconscious ways. Forged by 3 components	1.	Genes	2.	Early attachments formed with our caregivers 	3.	Habits and experiencesLearn to look beyond appearances. Assess people’s true character based on how they handle adversity, adapt, learn, and interact with others. This involves understanding our own character to address the negative patterns in our lives and becoming skilled at reading others.

Law of compulsive behavior - see people's character

1.	Watch for signs that reveal someone’s character What are the actions or decisions they repeat over time?	2.	Identify and distance yourself from toxic characters- <ul><li>Hyperperfectionist (seems dedicated but is a control freak) </li><li>Personalizer (sensitive but takes everything personally) -</li><li> Moralizer (condemns what he secretly envies) - </li><li>Big Talker (all talk and no action)</li></ul>

Assess someone’s true character

“Direct your inherent restlessness and discontent into tangible improvements. Instead of chasing after every distraction, know what you truly want so you won’t be distracted by what others are trying to influence you to want.”

1.	Confirmation bias - You look for evidence that confirms your beliefs	2.	Conviction bias - You convince yourself your beliefs are the right ones	3.	Appearance bias - You think you can see people as they really are 	4.	Group bias - You follow the herd	5.	Superiority bias - You think you are more rational than others	6.	Blame bias - You blame others for your mistakes

The common biases that distort your perception are:

“Learn to deflect envy by drawing attention away from yourself. Develop your sense of self-worth from internal standards and not incessant comparisons.”

Defend yourself from others

•	Disappointment at your good news, or glee at your misfortune	•	Poisonous praise that makes you feel uncomfortable 	•	Talking maliciously about someone who is not present.	•	Push-and-pull, i.e., pulling you in with friendship then criticizing you once they know your weak points

Signs of envy include:

We tend to overemphasize what we see and hear in the present, especially what is the most dramatic. In doing so, we lose sight of the bigger picture. In this complex world, any action can have far-reaching consequences. Learn to step back and consider the bigger picture instead of reacting to what’s in front of you.

Law of shortsightedness - Think about the future

Humans constantly compare themselves with one another.When we feel envious, we deny our envy as it implies inferiority. Instead, we tell ourselves that we’re just angry or indignant.Envious people can turn hostile and actively seek to hurt you, whether consciously or unconsciously. This is the most common and painful betrayal among friends.

Law of envy - draw attention away from yourself

•	Levelers: They are good at putting others down but can’t take jokes at their own expense. 	•	Self-entitled slackers: They earn their positions through charm or politics instead of getting things done. 	•	Status fiends: They reduce everything to rank, position, and material benchmarks.	•	Attachers: They affix themselves to the people they envy with malicious intent. 	•	Insecure masters: They are unsure about their abilities and may fire those they envy.

The personality types of enviers are:

On the surface, people seem friendly and civilized. However, beneath the mask, everyone has an aggressive side.The most chronic aggressors are actually people with the deepest insecurities. They can’t tolerate feelings of helplessness and anxiety, they see others as tools to get what they want, and they may even get addicted to the thrill of aggression.Sophisticated aggressors can cleverly mask their maneuvers to become successful and powerful.

Law of aggression - recognize dangerous people

From the #1 New York Times-bestselling author of The 48 Laws of Power comes the definitive new book on decoding the behavior of the people around you Robert Greene is a master guide for millions of readers, distilling ancient wisdom and philosophy into essential texts for seekers of power, understanding and mastery. Now he turns to the most important subject of all - understanding people's drives and motivations, even when they are unconscious of them themselves. We are social animals. Our very lives depend on our relationships with people. Knowing why people do what they do is the most important tool we can possess, without which our other talents can only take us so far. Drawing from the ideas and examples of Pericles, Queen Elizabeth I, Martin Luther King Jr, and many others, Greene teaches us how to detach ourselves from our own emotions and master self-control, how to develop the empathy that leads to insight, how to look behind people's masks, and how to resist conformity to develop your singular sense of purpose. Whether at work, in relationships, or in shaping the world around you, The Laws of Human Nature offers brilliant tactics for success, self-improvement, and self-defense.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

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Books

From the #1 New York Times-bestselling author of The 48 Laws of Power comes the definitive new book on decoding the behavior of the people around you Robert Greene is a master guide for millions of readers, distilling ancient wisdom and philosophy into essential texts for seekers of power, understanding and mastery. Now he turns to the most important subject of all - understanding people's drives and motivations, even when they are unconscious of them themselves. We are social animals. Our very lives depend on our relationships with people. Knowing why people do what they do is the most important tool we can possess, without which our other talents can only take us so far. Drawing from the ideas and examples of Pericles, Queen Elizabeth I, Martin Luther King Jr, and many others, Greene teaches us how to detach ourselves from our own emotions and master self-control, how to develop the empathy that leads to insight, how to look behind people's masks, and how to resist conformity to develop your singular sense of purpose. Whether at work, in relationships, or in shaping the world around you, The Laws of Human Nature offers brilliant tactics for success, self-improvement, and self-defense.

Robert Greene is an American author of books on strategy, power, and seduction. He has written six international bestsellers, including The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War, The 50th Law, Mastery, and The Laws of Human Nature.

Situations that often trigger active envy in others include:

Similar ideas to Situations that often trigger active envy in others include:

Beware The Fragile Ego

Underestimating the role of others

Situations That Lead To Awkwardness