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Mind Your Own Business: Why You Can’t Change Other People
Many of us find ourselves wanting to change other people in our lives. It might be a partner, a family member, a friend, or even a coworker.
We have judgement around what is going on with them and believe that they should behave in accordance with our thoughts of what’s good for them.
We believe this person has a problem and we want to solve what we see as the issue.
But the truth is, we cannot change another person, and attempting to do so actually harms the relationship. This is another important part of minding our own business and allowing others to mind theirs.
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869 reads
MORE IDEAS ON THIS
To feel like a helper
We may also want to feel like a hero for helping someone else to boost our own self-image.
We might be attracted to someone because we believe that person is wounded and we can help them. We might believe we can love someone out of their issues and that this will heal us or help us feel bet...
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556 reads
Because others expect us to
Sometimes, people expect others to be able to heal them when they don’t want to take responsibility for healing themselves.
Another person’s dysfunction is not about love or a lack of love. It’s about their woundedness; perhaps past traumas, addictions, or other factors.
You can’t lov...
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487 reads
Why You Can’t Change Other People
Ultimately, one has to heal oneself. No one can do this work for another person.
Let’s take a broken leg: A doctor can set the bone, prescribe medication, and guide the healing process. Other people can support that person while they heal by taking care of driving, shopping, and other tasks...
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467 reads
The Difference Between Supporting and Enabling
While we can’t heal someone, we can support them as they heal.
Support verses Enabling
Support means that you care about the person and can offer love while they’re in the process of changing. For example, if you want to support a spouse in their recovery from alcoho...
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406 reads
Unreasonable Expectations
Ultimately it is up to the other person to decide if they believe there is a problem, and if they want to do anything about it. If they do want to change, we can support them in their decision, but they must do the actual work.
You can’t change other people, so do yourself a favor and stop ...
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465 reads
Quotes on Change
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
-Leo Tolstoy
“If you do not change direction, you might end up where you are heading.”
-Lao Tzu
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I a...
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634 reads
Why We Want To Change Other People
As a substitute for working on ourselves
When we’re trying to change other people, it’s often because we have our own healing to do. We might think it’s easier to change another person than to change ourselves. Trying to help another person is not a substitute for do...
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778 reads
Are you minding your own business or trying to force your agenda on someone else?
As always, the first step is noticing. Notice if you are trying to change or control someone. Are you more invested in their healing than they are in healing themselves? Are you using manipulation, anger, or other forms of control?
Are you relying on someone else to heal you? Are you lookin...
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410 reads
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You both need and don’t need other people.
You need others in a sense that you need to be part of a community—there’s a reason we reflexively pity hermits. Regardless of your theory of anthropogenesis, it’s hard to deny that we are built for community, and that ‘we’ is always more than ‘me.’
However, you don’t need another person t...
Why your dog hump on you or other guests?
We feel awkward when our dog humps on the guests we have invited over dinner or lunch.
Although it is not socially acceptable behavior for us for them it could be a way to show different emotions.
They don't hump due to sexual desires they hump to show who's the leader in the house a...
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