Mind Your Own Business: Why You Can’t Change Other People - The Art of Living Consciously - Deepstash
Beat Procrastination

Learn more about communication with this collection

How to create a productive environment

The importance of self-care in productivity

How to avoid distractions

Beat Procrastination

Discover 99 similar ideas in

It takes just

11 mins to read

Mind Your Own Business: Why You Can’t Change Other People

Mind Your Own Business: Why You Can’t Change Other People

Many of us find ourselves wanting to change other people in our lives. It might be a partner, a family member, a friend, or even a coworker.

We have judgement around what is going on with them and believe that they should behave in accordance with our thoughts of what’s good for them.

We believe this person has a problem and we want to solve what we see as the issue.

But the truth is, we cannot change another person, and attempting to do so actually harms the relationship. This is another important part of minding our own business and allowing others to mind theirs.


868 reads

Why We Want To Change Other People

Why We Want To Change Other People

As a substitute for working on ourselves

When we’re trying to change other people, it’s often because we have our own healing to do. We might think it’s easier to change another person than to change ourselves. Trying to help another person is not a substitute for doing our own work. Our reactivity to that person’s behavior is likely our own unconscious issues coming up. It may feel easier to project onto another person and distract ourselves than face our own problems.


778 reads

To feel like a helper

To feel like a helper

We may also want to feel like a hero for helping someone else to boost our own self-image.

We might be attracted to someone because we believe that person is wounded and we can help them. We might believe we can love someone out of their issues and that this will heal us or help us feel better about ourselves. We also believe that that person will love us for saving them.

This can also happen the other way around, where you have a wound and someone comes into your life to rescue you. Unfortunately, we can’t heal others, others can’t heal us.


556 reads

Because others expect us to

Because others expect us to

Sometimes, people expect others to be able to heal them when they don’t want to take responsibility for healing themselves.

Another person’s dysfunction is not about love or a lack of love. It’s about their woundedness; perhaps past traumas, addictions, or other factors.

You can’t love someone out of their problems, and trying to do so is a recipe for disappointment. It’s inflating your own self-importance in a setup for more problems. We can think we’re being selfless, but we often have a hidden agenda. We want to be the one they’re leaning on and have an excuse not to do our own work.


487 reads

Why You Can’t Change Other People

Why You Can’t Change Other People

Ultimately, one has to heal oneself. No one can do this work for another person.

Let’s take a broken leg: A doctor can set the bone, prescribe medication, and guide the healing process. Other people can support that person while they heal by taking care of driving, shopping, and other tasks, but ultimately, the person is responsible for doing things that will help their leg heal like keeping their weight off of it, physical therapy, and following medical advice.

It is the same with mental or emotional wounds. A person has to heal themselves, and they have to choose to heal. And this is not easy.


467 reads

Unreasonable Expectations

Unreasonable Expectations

Ultimately it is up to the other person to decide if they believe there is a problem, and if they want to do anything about it. If they do want to change, we can support them in their decision, but they must do the actual work.

You can’t change other people, so do yourself a favor and stop expecting yourself to be able to. It’s hard enough for us to change ourselves. No one else can change us, and we can’t change anyone else.


465 reads

The Difference Between Supporting and Enabling

The Difference Between Supporting and Enabling

While we can’t heal someone, we can support them as they heal.

Support verses Enabling

Support means that you care about the person and can offer love while they’re in the process of changing. For example, if you want to support a spouse in their recovery from alcoholism, support may include offering to watch the kids while they go to therapy or AA meetings (that they have chosen to attend) and listening to them on their healing journey.

On the other hand, enabling means that you take responsibility, make excuses, or cover up for their behavior.


406 reads

Are you minding your own business or trying to force your agenda on someone else?

Are you minding your own business or trying to force your agenda on someone else?

As always, the first step is noticing. Notice if you are trying to change or control someone. Are you more invested in their healing than they are in healing themselves? Are you using manipulation, anger, or other forms of control?

Are you relying on someone else to heal you? Are you looking for a knight in shining armor to rescue you from your problems?

The first step is always awareness and consciousness. Once you’re aware and conscious, you can ask yourself why this is a problem in your life? Until then, it’s hard to focus on changing your own behavior to promote your own growth.


410 reads

Quotes on Change

Quotes on Change

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

-Leo Tolstoy


“If you do not change direction, you might end up where you are heading.”

-Lao Tzu


“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”



634 reads



Introverted Extravert


Why You Can't Change Other People


Explore the World’s

Best Ideas

200,000+ ideas on pretty much any topic. Created by the smartest people around & well-organized so you can explore at will.

An Idea for Everything

Explore the biggest library of insights. And we've infused it with powerful filtering tools so you can easily find what you need.

Knowledge Library

Powerful Saving & Organizational Tools

Save ideas for later reading, for personalized stashes, or for remembering it later.

# Personal Growth

Take Your Ideas


Organize your ideas & listen on the go. And with Pro, there are no limits.

Listen on the go

Just press play and we take care of the words.

Never worry about spotty connections

No Internet access? No problem. Within the mobile app, all your ideas are available, even when offline.

Get Organized with Stashes

Ideas for your next work project? Quotes that inspire you? Put them in the right place so you never lose them.


2 Million Stashers


5,740 Reviews

App Store


72,690 Reviews

Google Play

Sean Green

Great interesting short snippets of informative articles. Highly recommended to anyone who loves information and lacks patience.

Ashley Anthony

This app is LOADED with RELEVANT, HELPFUL, AND EDUCATIONAL material. It is creatively intellectual, yet minimal enough to not overstimulate and create a learning block. I am exceptionally impressed with this app!

Shankul Varada

Best app ever! You heard it right. This app has helped me get back on my quest to get things done while equipping myself with knowledge everyday.


Don’t look further if you love learning new things. A refreshing concept that provides quick ideas for busy thought leaders.

Laetitia Berton

I have only been using it for a few days now, but I have found answers to questions I had never consciously formulated, or to problems I face everyday at work or at home. I wish I had found this earlier, highly recommended!

Jamyson Haug

Great for quick bits of information and interesting ideas around whatever topics you are interested in. Visually, it looks great as well.

Giovanna Scalzone

Brilliant. It feels fresh and encouraging. So many interesting pieces of information that are just enough to absorb and apply. So happy I found this.

Ghazala Begum

Even five minutes a day will improve your thinking. I've come across new ideas and learnt to improve existing ways to become more motivated, confident and happier.

Read & Learn

20x Faster





Access to 200,000+ ideas

Access to the mobile app

Unlimited idea saving & library

Unlimited history

Unlimited listening to ideas

Downloading & offline access

Personalized recommendations

Supercharge your mind with one idea per day

Enter your email and spend 1 minute every day to learn something new.


I agree to receive email updates