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Give Better Advice by Reminding People of Their Values

Pre-suasion

Reminding people about their core values before any advice is provided, makes them more receptive towards it.

When the person thinks about their core values, an area of their brain called the Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex (VMPC) gets activated, making them take some tangible action towards your advice. This pre-suasion before we influence any person (for their own good) is important and essential if we want them to follow genuine advice.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Give Better Advice by Reminding People of Their Values

Give Better Advice by Reminding People of Their Values

https://www.riskology.co/better-advice/

riskology.co

2

Key Ideas

Listening To Advice

Most people hear out the advice given to them out of politeness or obligation, with no intention of every following it, no matter how practical or beneficial it may be.

Our ego doesn't let us follow advice. The keywords that we say before we dole out the advice seem to matter more than we think.

Pre-suasion

Reminding people about their core values before any advice is provided, makes them more receptive towards it.

When the person thinks about their core values, an area of their brain called the Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex (VMPC) gets activated, making them take some tangible action towards your advice. This pre-suasion before we influence any person (for their own good) is important and essential if we want them to follow genuine advice.

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Avoid tension and build rapport
Avoid tension and build rapport

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Focus on collaboration

To get someone to act on your advice, it’s going to mean giving up at least some of the credit for it. 

When the person receiving your advice feels like they had a hand in creating it—with guidance from you, the expert, of course—they’re far more likely to act on it.

Show your work

In this case, you’re showing your work because it instills trust, and trust is critical for acceptance. 

When you show you work, the person you’re advising doesn’t have to take your recommendations on blind faith. They can see exactly how you got to your advice and buy into it along the way.

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Tell a story

Dry information and stats don’t inspire people to make a change or listen to you.

We don't usually remember facts, figures or statistics. Storytelling is how you make your advice ...

Chunk it down

Chunk your advice down into simple steps that your audience can follow. 

Aim for three steps or three takeaways if it’s possible in the context of your advice.

Have a good structure

Be logical with your advice and structure it in a way that makes sense. Be sure to have an introduction, a body and a conclusion that highlights the takeaways.

This makes your advice easier to follow and more likely to be retained.

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Your personal core values

... are there to guide behavior and choice. 

Get them right and you'll be swift and focused in your decision-making, with clear direction. 

Get them wrong...

5 Steps to Identify your values
  1. Think through and describe the following in detail: What have been your 3 greatest accomplishments and 3 greatest moments of efficiency and what are any common themes that you can identify?
  2. Think through and describe the following in detailWhat have been your 3 greatest failures and 3 greatest moments of inefficiency and the common themes that you can identify?
  3. Identify 3-4 brief sentences of advice you would give to yourself based upon these commonalities.
  4. Try and reduce them to a few words. 
  5. Test the value. Think of a situation where following your core value hurts you rather than helps you. 
Why Personal Core Values Are Important
Why Personal Core Values Are Important

Values are a part of us. They highlight what we stand for. Values guide our behavior, providing us with a personal code of conduct.

When we honor our personal core values consistently,...

Personal Values and Behavior

Knowing your personal values changes your behavior.

For instance: When you value health, you don’t have to wrestle with managing impulse control as much. If you know a particular food or activity isn’t good for your body, you don’t want it.

Create meaningful core values
  1. Start with a beginner’s mind, someone with no preconceived notions of what is.
  2. Create your list of personal values. 
  3. Chunk your personal values into related groups. 
  4. Highlight the central theme of each value group. 
  5. Determine your top Personal Core Values. Whittle your list down to 5 - 10 core values and rank them in order of importance.
  6. Give your personal values richer context. Highlight values into memorable phrases or sentences.
  7. Test the ecology of each value. Review your list a day later: Are they personal to you? Do you see any values that feel inconsistent?

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Personal Values (And Why They Matter)

Personal values are the things that are important to us, the characteristics and behaviours that motivate us and guide our decisions. For example honesty or kindness.

Values matter

Define Your Personal Values

Find out what characteristics or ways of behaving makes you feel good. Answer the following questions:

  • What's important to you in life?
  • If you could have any career, without worrying about money or other practical constraints, what would you do?
  • When you’re reading news stories, what sort of story or behaviour tends to inspire you?
  • What type of story or behaviour makes you angry?
  • What do you want to change about the world or about yourself?
  • What are you most proud of?
  • When were you the happiest?
Prioritise Your Personal Values

Once you’ve come up with a list, it's important to prioritise your values.

It can help you get even closer to defining what’s important to you. Prioritising helps you to ensure that you’re spending them on the most important things that'll have the biggest payoff in your life.

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Only give advice when asked

Unsolicited advice sends a message that you're jumping in because they can't handle the problem. It leaves them feeling less competent and capable, undermining their ability to handle the situation...

Offer information

When giving advice, people with more experience often make the mistake of assuming that they know best.

To offer expertise in a way that's truly helpful, use it to inform the person about the decision at hand. Tell them what you know about their options, possibly offering a recommendation, then let them use that information to make a sound decision.

Help think through the problem

Instead of imposing your opinion, guide them through the process you might use to reach a conclusion. Ask the questions you would ask yourself, and give them an opportunity to talk through the options with you. That approach will help build problem-solving skills that translate to future dilemmas.

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Why you need to define your values
Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work.

They (should) determine your priorities, and, deep down, they're probably the measures you use to tell ...

Defining Your Values
  1. Identify the times when you were happiest. 
  2. Identify the times when you were most proud. 
  3. Identify the times when you were most fulfilled and satisfied. 
  4. Determine your top values, based on your experiences of happiness, pride, and fulfillment. 
  5. Prioritize your top values.

  6. Reaffirm your values. 

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From moving up in your career to buying a home. Making smart moves with your money during your 30's can help you achieve future financial success.

Focus on percentage of income saved, not the dollar amount

Over the long term, it's not as much about the dollar amount you save, but the percentage of your income that you dedicate to saving and investing. By focusing on percentages, you can ensure you're always saving more as you earn more. 

Spend time tracking your money

Most people react to their finances. The problem with that is that you rely on chance to have enough money in the bank when you actually need it. Be intentional about your money and spend time reviewing and evaluating it. If you don't, you'll never know if you're moving in the right direction or not.

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Reverse Psychology
  1. The more we push someone to do something, the more they resist and rebel.
  2. The more urgently we need information from someone, the harder it could get for us to get it out of a person.
  3. Building rapport, and providing autonomy to the person help thaw out the relationship and get things moving.
Forming A Connection
  • With the help of the right communication, attitude and gestures, a rapport can be formed with the other person (like a teenager or a spouse).
  • The power balance needs to be restored/shared, so the person who is ‘closed’ finds a reason to open up.
  • Threatening, blackmailing and trickery rarely work in such situations, with a humble, submissive and empathetic person having a much better chance at being effective.

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Advise with permission

If you feel the need to offer unsolicited advice, ask them, “Do you want some ideas to improve the situation?” 

This way they have the option to say no, and they’ll likel...

Give them a rant window

The best way to be a friend is to allow them to tell the story repeatedly. Then they need to work through it and let it go. 

Tell them you’re there to listen to everything they need to say. Once they’ve gotten all out, you’d love to help them move on.

Be honest

If you don’t know how someone feels, let them know that you haven’t been there before, but you’ll try to put yourself in their shoes to help as best you can.

Also, don’t be afraid to let them know you don’t have anything to say. You can still be an ear, take some time to think about it, and then share your thoughts later.

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