Pre-suasion

To get someone to act on your advice, it’s going to mean giving up at least some of the credit for it. 

When the person receiving your advice feels like they had a hand in creating it—with guidance from you, the expert, of course—they’re far more likely to act on it.

In this case, you’re showing your work because it instills trust, and trust is critical for acceptance. 

When you show you work, the person you’re advising doesn’t have to take your recommendations on blind faith. They can see exactly how you got to your advice and buy into it along the way.

Chunk your advice down into simple steps that your audience can follow. 

Aim for three steps or three takeaways if it’s possible in the context of your advice.

Be logical with your advice and structure it in a way that makes sense. Be sure to have an introduction, a body and a conclusion that highlights the takeaways.

This makes your advice easier to follow and more likely to be retained.

Knowing your personal values changes your behavior.

For instance: When you value health, you don’t have to wrestle with managing impulse control as much. If you know a particular food or activity isn’t good for your body, you don’t want it.

1. Start with a beginner’s mind, someone with no preconceived notions of what is.
2. Create your list of personal values. 
3. Chunk your personal values into related groups. 
4. Highlight the central theme of each value group. 
5. Determine your top Personal Core Values. Whittle your list down to 5 - 10 core values and rank them in order of importance.
6. Give your personal values richer context. Highlight values into memorable phrases or sentences.
   
7. Test the ecology of each value. Review your list a day later: Are they personal to you? Do you see any values that feel inconsistent?

Find out what characteristics or ways of behaving makes you feel good. Answer the following questions:

• What's important to you in life?
• If you could have any career, without worrying about money or other practical constraints, what would you do?
• When you’re reading news stories, what sort of story or behaviour tends to inspire you?
• What type of story or behaviour makes you angry?
• What do you want to change about the world or about yourself?
• What are you most proud of?
• When were you the happiest?

Once you’ve come up with a list, it's important to prioritise your values.

It can help you get even closer to defining what’s important to you. Prioritising helps you to ensure that you’re spending them on the most important things that'll have the biggest payoff in your life.

When giving advice, people with more experience often make the mistake of assuming that they know best.

To offer expertise in a way that's truly helpful, use it to inform the person about the decision at hand. Tell them what you know about their options, possibly offering a recommendation, then let them use that information to make a sound decision.

Instead of imposing your opinion, guide them through the process you might use to reach a conclusion. Ask the questions you would ask yourself, and give them an opportunity to talk through the options with you. That approach will help build problem-solving skills that translate to future dilemmas.

Over the long term, it's not as much about the dollar amount you save, but the percentage of your income that you dedicate to saving and investing. By focusing on percentages, you can ensure you're always saving more as you earn more. 

Most people react to their finances. The problem with that is that you rely on chance to have enough money in the bank when you actually need it. Be intentional about your money and spend time reviewing and evaluating it. If you don't, you'll never know if you're moving in the right direction or not.

1. The more we push someone to do something, the more they resist and rebel.
2. The more urgently we need information from someone, the harder it could get for us to get it out of a person.
3. Building rapport, and providing autonomy to the person help thaw out the relationship and get things moving.

• With the help of the right communication, attitude and gestures, a rapport can be formed with the other person (like a teenager or a spouse).
• The power balance needs to be restored/shared, so the person who is ‘closed’ finds a reason to open up.
• Threatening, blackmailing and trickery rarely work in such situations, with a humble, submissive and empathetic person having a much better chance at being effective.

The best way to be a friend is to allow them to tell the story repeatedly. Then they need to work through it and let it go. 

Tell them you’re there to listen to everything they need to say. Once they’ve gotten all out, you’d love to help them move on.

If you don’t know how someone feels, let them know that you haven’t been there before, but you’ll try to put yourself in their shoes to help as best you can.

Also, don’t be afraid to let them know you don’t have anything to say. You can still be an ear, take some time to think about it, and then share your thoughts later.