Learn how to handle negativity

... before you assume they are being negative.

By spending a little time figuring out how they usually are (if they are optimistic, pessimistic or pragmatic), you will be able to differentiate between the times that they are just being themselves versus the times that they may be recognizing something truly noteworthy.

Just because a person's a pessimist doesn't mean they're not right. And an easy way to figure if their advice is worth following is to simply ask around and figure out if a consensus exists that falls in line with the person's view.

If it's a unanimous opinion, then perhaps that person isn't as pessimistic as you think, and you should consider their advice.

• They pretend to be innocent, ignorant, or confused when they did something awful. This tactic is to make you question your judgment.
• They don't give a straight answer to a straight question, but evade the question or change the subject when cornered.
• They lie by omission or distortion by deliberately being vague.
• They may either respond with charm and flattery, of will suddenly be angry.
• They'll play the victim and make themselves out to be the one in distress.
• They rationalize by giving a plausible excuse for engaging in inappropriate behavior, or they will downplay their behavior.
• Covert aggressives don't feel bad, but they know you do. They will send you on a guilt trip so you will lighten your accusations.

• Let go of the pretense that if you play nice, they will play nice.
• Know your vulnerabilities and focus on the one thing that really needs to change: yourself. You can only control what you do.
• Set some boundaries for yourself. Be prepared for the consequences and set a support system.
• Memorize the list of tactics used by an aggressive person. Then it is easier to recognize the attack.
• If you're willing to accept an excuse, know that they will fling excuses at you until one stick.
• Stay calm and polite, and avoid sarcasm, hostility, or threats.
• Without being rude, be specific about what you expect or want from the other person. Aggressives will only participate if they can get something out of it. If they have to lose, they'll make sure you go down too. Ensure you propose win-win solutions

Don't try changing people, try understanding them.

When you try to change someone they tend to resent you, dig in their heels, and get worse. The way to disengage a difficult person is to try understanding where they are coming from.

When trying to understand difficult people, search for their value language.

A value language is what someone values most. It is what drives their decisions. For some people it is money; for others, it is power or knowledge.

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

Understand the common triggers. Once you understand which one is behind your depression, you can better learn how to cope with depression.

Feelings of loss, “less than” and “never going to happen” are the major reasons that most people dip into depression. Loss can result from a loved one dying or losing a job; feelings of “less than” can be triggered by comparing yourself to others you view as having more than you and “never” occurs when you start believing that your goals and dreams are completely out of reach. 

Many of those trying to find ways to deal with depression have formed limiting beliefs that negatively affect how they think.

If you come from a family who has never had a member attend college, you might believe that you are not smart enough to achieve your goals. Another common limiting belief is that they are supposed to be sad because depression or anxiety runs in their family. 

Listening meets a person’s primary need for validation and acceptance.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid, because by doing this you'll learn more about a person’s character, desires, and needs.

Become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others.

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority.

Why am I disappointed?
It can be difficult to explain why you are disappointed, but asking the right question about the reason gets you towards the root of the problem. This is the first step in effectively fighting against it.

Could I have done anything to prevent it?
We can feel regret along with disappointment, but we have to realize that every circumstance is not in our control. In most cases, we don't control much, and even if we do, the pain can be a catalyst in our growth.

Pursuing productivity for its own sake is counter-productive. 

Most people feel able to complete more tasks when they start using time-management tools, but they don’t bear in mind that they can’t keep increasing their productivity forever, and they commit to more and more. In a few weeks, they are more productive but still frustrated. 

Back when more people worked in factories, laborers did not have to deal with time management. At the assembly line, time was managed for you.

Freedom comes with responsibility: you have to think a lot more about how you manage your time.

Recognizing that you need to choose your battles keeps you from becoming overly anxious and burning out.

Although anger can be positive and lead to action against unacceptable situations, thinking of the consequences of your reactions leads to more effective strategies.

The ability to recognize and understand emotions, and use that information to guide decision making.

Everywhere around us, whether it's stock markets, the weather, and life in general, we are constantly subjected to ongoing cycles.

• In Businesses, it helps to know the state of the industry, the number of years in business, product acceptance, and current trends.

• In careers, we can be aware of our network strength, experience, emerging innovations, and skill relevance.

• With regards to our energy, we can be aware of how we are feeling, what is our current lifestyle, our food intake, and the current season.

Understanding that we are in a cycle helps us make better decisions.

As nothing in life is static, with change being the only consistent attribute, we must respect the cyclic nature of everything, and if we are aware where we are in the up and down motion, we can make better decisions.