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The 3 keys to passion

The three keys to passion

  • Intimacy: Emotional closeness, communication, feeling that no one knows you better or has your back more strongly than your mate.
  • Thrill: Excitement, attraction, adventure.
  • Sensuality: The entire spectrum from kissing goodnight to holding hands, from making tender love to raw passion.

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    The 3 keys to passion

    The 3 keys to passion


    Key Ideas

    A strong romantic relationship

    Extraordinary couples are like everyone else. Except they make their love intentional.

    In business, fitness, or even your hobby, you don't passively wait for things to get better. The same is true for your relationship. Don't take your partner for granted. Take action.

    The three keys to passion

    • Intimacy: Emotional closeness, communication, feeling that no one knows you better or has your back more strongly than your mate.
    • Thrill: Excitement, attraction, adventure.
    • Sensuality: The entire spectrum from kissing goodnight to holding hands, from making tender love to raw passion.

      Set daily relationship intentions

      Most mornings, commit to spending five minutes with your partner. Think of a relationship intention, then share it. "Today, I intend to be careful with my tone of voice when I feel impatient."

      Commit spending two minutes at the end of the day reviewing your progress and ways to improve it.


      Rekindling the Fire

      Many couples have reached a cozy state of companionship. The humdrumness of life affects the long-term relationship.

      It is not uncommon to lose the 'fire' and is unrealistic to expect consis...

      Love Progression

      As the initial stage of love fades away, a deeper, richer sense of each other should take its place, and couples can find more ways to make things interesting and fun.

      Look With New Eyes

      Staying curious about each other and finding things, memories, places, and activities that are yet to be shared or experienced together is a great way to rekindle the relationship.
      Revisiting your past and finding ways to connect better by looking at the other with 'new' eyes makes us see many things that were overlooked earlier.

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      Causing unintentional harm

      We all cause harm to our partner and the intimacy between us. We make mistakes that are foolish and unintentional and sometimes launch attacks on purpose.

      When you wound another, apologi...

      How to give an apology

      A good apology takes two people: the giver and the receiver. An apology that heals is based on kindness, generosity, and compassion. 

      The recipient accepts it with grace and, in turn, offers forgiveness. Without forgiveness, it cannot heal.

      The mindful apology in practice
      • Repair: An apology that rebuilds intimacy should have three parts: you need to own the mistake, and then you need to repair the damage. Lastly, you need to vow to improve.
      • Forgive:  If you have been hurt, you may never completely forget, but you can choose to forgive. To decide to forgive means that you don't relive something that belongs to the past.
      • Begin again: Unfinished business will accumulate. Let go of the small and the large wounds, so they don't pile up. 
      Go to bed at the same time

      Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. 

      They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

      Cultivate common interests

      Don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. 

      At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevents you from appearing too dependent.

      Trust and forgiveness

      If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

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      Responding To Urgency

      Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know&n...

      Dealing Constructively With Control

      Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally. 

      Parenting Each Other

      As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available. 

      Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked. 

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      Pay attention and be present

      When your significant other is speaking, it is of the utmost importance to try your best to give your undivided attention.

      Too much multi-tasking when conversations are important can be damag...

      Be emotionally available

      It is important to be emotionally available to your significant other. Share your emotions, your thoughts and feelings with your partner and be willing to hear theirs. This creates a very strong emotional bond for both.

      Be supportive

      As partners, you should strive to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. 

      We all need support and should be able to find it in our intimate relationships.

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      The Importance Of Commitment Signs

      Correctly “reading” the signs of commitment in a potential long-term partner is crucial. When you don’t get solid information about commitment as things progress, you can miss important s...

      1. What Does And What Doesn’t Signal Commitment.
      The essence of commitment is both parties wanting and planning a future with each other. And that can only be perceived through actions and their context.
      Some of the things that people often mistake in isolation for commitment are:
      • Wanting to have sex with someone.
      • Wanting to have a baby with no other evidence of commitment like, say, marriage.
      • Cohabitation.
      • Being married.
      2. Circumstances And Commitment.

      For behavior to mean something about commitment, it must be behavior that the person has control over performing. If one's options are limited by the context their intentions cannot be read.

      In the context of dating and mating, option constraints on you or your partner, limits the information contained in the choices you make. That means that some may routinely misinterpret the behavior of their partners as a signal of commitment when it isn’t.

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      Happily Ever After

      If you believe in that myth, you’re not going to take the responsibility required to create a great relationship.

      You have to be ready and willing to work for your relationship. It doesn’t j...

      Beliefs About Change

      People can change if they want to.

      Remember that change can be scary, so it's important to be loving and supportive of your partner.

      Who's More Prone To Cheat

      Not all men are cheaters, and believing so can make you less trusting and more paranoid of your partner.

      If you want a solid bond, you have to trust your significant other and communicate if you have concerns about his fidelity.

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      Couples living apart
      Couples living apart

      In 2000, a government survey showed that about 2.7 million married Americans lived apart from their spouse. The number rose to about 3.9 million in 2017.

      Long-distance relationship...

      The evolution of romantic communication
      • Before video-chat and long-distance phone calls, written correspondence was used to exchange meaningful information. The goal was to write about the most important things that had happened since the last letter.
      • Although the telephone was invented in the mid-19th century, it was only used for long-distance relationships in the 1970s, when the cost of phoning for pleasure instead of just business became affordable.
      • The next major development in romantic communication was the internet. Email, instant messaging, and video-chatting were affordable for couples to share even the smallest details.
      • Many couples today do "background Skype" where everyday living comes to the surface and add to a level of intimacy.
      The pressure to live apart

      In the past, couples were more likely to accommodate only one partner's job - mostly the man's. But today, couples have dual-incomes, are well educated, professionally minded, and pursuing careers in separate places. It is contributing to the rise in long-distance relationships.

      The pressure to live apart for work is worse for younger couples who are still establishing careers.

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      We Don't Understand Ourselves

      We don't realize that we are a bundle of contradictions and are trying to look for someone who can understand us, while we haven't been able to understand ourselves yet.

      We think we are a gre...

      We Don't Understand Others

      Like us, other people are stuck in the same low-level self-realization: we try to gauge the other person by their looks or family or social status, which is a futile exercise in most cases.

      We Don't Know Happiness

      We aren't accustomed to being happy or have a misguided idea of what happiness is.

      We find the ones who would be right for us, to be wrong for us, because of our lack of experience in what good is, and the fact that we don't associate love with being happy and fulfilled.

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      Intellectual intimacy

      What is meant by the definition of intellectual intimacy: being on the same wavelength, 'getting' each other, being able and enjoying talking ‘til all hour...

      Emotional closeness

      When you are emotionally close, it means you are vulnerable. You let your guard down and feel safe doing so. When you feel this kind of closeness, you can tell each other anything and feel accepted. You both can “feel” what the other person is feeling.

      Spiritual bond

      When you form a spiritual bond, you both understand each other’s spiritual quest and beliefs. You allow the relationship to have a spiritual competent.

      Why do we not harm others, just because it’s the law? No, because we believe life is precious. That is a spiritual bond.

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