• Punishment vs. rehabilitation: Punishment seeks to "demoralize and disempower" while rehabilitation seeks to "stabilize and empower," Schafler writes. Rehabilitation focuses on building positive growth on a healthy foundation. 

Instead of punishing yourself for making a mistake, Schafler writes it is more effective to practice self-compassion. In her book she references the broaden-and-build theory, a positive psychology theory that was developed by social psychologist Barbara Fredrickson in 1998. 

Broaden-and-bu...

Opting for self-compassion instead of self-punishment means you are more likely to learn from your mistakes and grow as a person. 

• Punishment vs. natural consequence:  Punishment relies on fear to help you learn, but natural consequence relies on understanding that your choices had impact, perhaps one you didn't like. Instead of being scared to act, natural consequence might encourage you to act in a wa...

When you're in a negative headspace your view narrows and you aren't inspired or encouraged to think differently. 

In order to put yourself in a positive headspace, you need to practice self-compassion, Schafler says. 

• Punishment vs. personal accountability: Personal accountability is about owning up to your mistake and taking responsibility for the solution. Personal responsibility requires you to apologize to who you've hurt and make a pledge to improve. Punishment doesn't really come wi...

"Punishment doesn't work," she writes in her book. "When you punish someone, that person doesn't learn how to change; they learn how to avoid the source of the punishment." 

If you are the source of your own punishment then you learn to avoid yourself. This might look like overworking, ove...

If you're a perfectionist, that might mean you can be pretty hard on yourself. A mistake at work, for example, could result is some pretty negative self-talk or actions, like depriving yourself of a snack later that day.

In other words, you're punishing yourself.

But self-punishment...