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What it's like to start dating someone under quarantine

Lockdown In A New Relationship

Being in Lockdown or in a quarantine complicates dating in unexpected ways, raises some previously unheard questions (like who’s got a more ‘apocalypse’ friendly place) and makes partners feel as if they are already in the boring part of a relationship without any of the initial romance or spark.

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What it's like to start dating someone under quarantine

What it's like to start dating someone under quarantine

https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/48485/1/dating-someone-under-coronavirus-quarantine-social-isolation

dazeddigital.com

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Key Ideas

Dating In The Pandemic

In these unprecedented and strange times, planning ahead seems impossible due to the uncertainty around and the doomsday scenarios in the news.
Initiating and navigating a new relationship now has an extra (and not too small) obstacle of a virus threatening humanity across the planet.

The ongoing pandemic has done the unthinkable: It has slowed us down, freezing time for a while. This affects our blossoming romances in ways not documented before.

Lockdown In A New Relationship

Being in Lockdown or in a quarantine complicates dating in unexpected ways, raises some previously unheard questions (like who’s got a more ‘apocalypse’ friendly place) and makes partners feel as if they are already in the boring part of a relationship without any of the initial romance or spark.

Love During Quarantine

  • Constantly sharing updates about the pandemic with your new partner is not a good idea.
  • Social distancing etiquette (hello elbow bumps) may feel awkward, and FaceTime video chats can feel a bit too intimate and over-the-top after a while, as the other person is still a practical stranger.

Apartment Date

If meeting in person, like a dinner date in an apartment, do not discuss anything about the virus. 

Provide yourself and your partner space to know each other, having deep conversations with soothing music. The news can wait.

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Creating routines
Creating routines

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How to respond to the "invisible work"

During the pandemic, being at home with a partner reveals the "invisible work" they're doing, which may be taken for granted. This expanded view of ourselves and our partners can go in two directions.

  • In one direction, you are curious and say, "I never knew. I really appreciate it. I realize how I let you do everything." It becomes a source of connection.
  • It the other direction, it becomes a source of blame where you want to complain and tell your partner just how much you are doing. This way, you're not going to get help.
How people should fight

Couples go through harmony, disharmony, and repair. So they will inevitably get into arguments. However, what matters is how you fight. Don't highlight everything negative while taking the positive for granted.

  • Start by saying to yourself, "What are the one or two things that they have done that I can appreciate?" If you start with that, you will fight differently.

  • Stay focussed on the one thing that you're upset about at this moment. Don't end up talking about other things.

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Redefining love

The current global epidemic has transformed relationships, dating, and sex. 

Lovers and family members are suffering aching separations as borders have closed. Weddings have been post...

Redefining communities
  • The pandemic is influencing and changing the way we define a community, with people across the world gathering every day on balconies to applaud medical workers, perform music and even run marathons.
  • Millions of single people stuck indoors have turned to the internet to go on virtual yoga dates, attend karaoke parties or blow out candles at WhatsApp birthday get-togethers.
The shortness of life

Lockdowns around the globe are giving rise to a new togetherness for some and amplifying friction and conflict for others.
The external global context makes you realize that life is short. So if someone is in a bad relationship, they're probably going to decide to leave while they still can. Or the total opposite, decide that they might as well get married and have kids.

Couples In Lockdown

In lockdown(or home quarantine), relationships are being stress-tested across the globe, as couples and partners live together 24/7, and have to deal with:

  • New kinds of stressful situa...
Listen More

Everyone is stressed out as there are losses all around. Most of us miss life before the lockdown. It is a good idea to let those feelings come out, listen attentively to the partner, and maybe give a hug, while avoiding any ‘fix-it’ response.

Rituals

Rituals are important to maintain a positive connection. A ritual can be anything that makes you and your partner regularly turn towards each other, emotionally, physically or spiritually.


Rituals of connection form the pillars of this culture, making the bond stronger by reinforcing it.

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Internet And Marriage

At least one-third of all marriages in the U. S. are now between partners who met online and researchers say online meeting-based marriages happen more quickly after the first date.

The Non-Divisive Effect

Before the Internet, dating was mostly restricted by one’s social and geographical limitations with friends of friends being the most common method of introduction. The Internet pairs couples that wouldn’t even meet otherwise.

Research also indicates that you're more likely to date someone from a different race if you're dating online, by a factor of about 7 percent. 

Combating Social Stratification

There's a troubling trend towards exclusive, private membership-based dating apps that only allow very rich or very popular people, essentially creating a dating bubble that socially isolates people by class.

By using less restrictive apps we have the widest possible pools of potential dates, rather than aspiring to something more exclusive, we're keeping ourselves open to more random love connections that cut across lines of race and class and everything else that divides us. We're doing our part to keep society more open, less stratified. 

Good Relationships Take Work
Good Relationships Take Work

Merging your own ever-shifting life, needs and wants with those of another person takes work if it is to succeed.

How much work it actually takes might ebb and flow, but expect to inve...

Your Partner’s Flaws

Loving your partner's flaws is not always realistic. Some people have habits that are slightly disgusting and impossible to "love." 

Simply accepting them and learning how to shrug them off and minimize their importance is much more realistic.

Going To Bed Angry

The context might be such that you just can’t solve a problem before bed. Be realistic and settle for an agreement to never go to bed without at least deciding when to continue the discussion or argument.

Also, some people actually need to cool down before they can continue a productive discussion, so taking a break could be wise.

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Performances In Isolation
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Personal needs
Personal needs

Working parents tend to focus all their energy on work or family and put their own needs on hold. With the current crisis, parents have even less time for their own needs while they juggle work and...

Know what you need

Take two minutes right now and list what would most benefit you. It could be taking 15 minutes to decompress after work. Or to have a few hours a week to read a book. Or even guitar lessons.

Highlight what sticks out to you the most on your list. Then decide what top few choices are suitable for your available time and finances.

Communicate your needs

To have a successful and productive conversation with your partner about your needs and desires:

  • Timing is everything. Set a time aside together that is free of distractions, relatively peaceful, and not when you are overtired.
  • Remember, you're on the same team. Handle the conversation with gentleness and without criticism.
  • Actively listen. To encourage understanding, don't just listen to respond. Truly try to understand how your partner feels.
  • It's about giving and taking. Relationships are about mutual understanding, compassion, and sacrifice.
  • Do regular relationship checkups to foster connection and open communication.
Keeping close relationships

Forced separation, while new to most, is a fact of life for the world’s migrants. Many continue close ties with relatives, despite years or decades of physical distance.

Phone calls

Video communication can be too draining and may make feelings of separation more intense. Written communication can feel too impersonal and may not be accessible to people with visual impairments.

Migrant families rely on phone calls for almost all of their communication as calls are intimate and convey emotions without the constant visual reminders of separation.

Communicate to connect

Migrants greet something like this: "I send greetings to you to my grandchildren, to my daughter-in-law, and to all those who surround you."

Such elaborated greetings articulate family relationships that stretch across space. They continually create and re-create connections despite the distance.

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The cultural backdrop

For most of recorded history, people got married for logical pragmatic sorts of reasons.

Since around 1750, we have been living in an era in the history of love that we can call Romanticism w...

The Romantic template
  • Romanticism tells us that a long-term marriage can have all the excitement of a love affair.
  • Romanticism proposed that true love must mean an end to all loneliness.
  • Romanticism believed that choosing a partner should be about letting oneself be guided by feelings, rather than practical considerations.
  • Romanticism believes that true love is synonymous with accepting everything about someone.
The Romantic script is delusional

It's normative points include:

  • we should meet a person of extraordinary inner and outer beauty and immediately feel a special attraction to them, and they to us
  • we should understand one another intuitively
  • we don’t need an education in love
  • we should have no secrets and spend constant time together
  • we should raise a family without any loss of intensity
  • our lover must be our soulmate, best friend, co-parent, co-chauffeur, accountant, household manager and spiritual guide

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Male Perception Of Dating Apps

Many men assume that women dating
online are interested in sleeping with strangers.

Online dating allows us to meet others we wouldn’t otherwise, but women should be aware that...

Avoiding Scams
  • If something feels off, trust your gut.
  • Be wary of anything asking for financial or personal information.
  • Set up an anonymous email account from a widely used email service.
  • Never give out your home phone, address or personal email address unless you absolutely trust the recipient.
  • Drive yourself to the date (protects your address), keep an eye on your drink/food and pay half of the bill.
Online Relationships Don’t Usually Last
  • Over one-third of online dating sites users have never actually gone on a date with someone they met online
  • Relationships that start online are 28% more likely to end in their first year than relationships where the couples first met face-to-face.
  • Couples who met online are nearly three times as likely to get divorced as couples that met face-to-face.

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